Jim Harbaugh is not on the hot seat, but try telling it to his pants.

The Michigan football coach’s leggings caught fire when he got too close to a sideline heater in the Wolverines’ 21-17 win over Penn State.

“Those are pretty expensive pants, those Lululemons,” Harbaugh told Detroit’s WXYZ-TV. “Maybe I’ll just make ’em into shorts — because they burned down to the calf.”

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Self-conscious referee waits until other official puts arms up after field goal.”

• At Fark.com: “Patriots score yet another 25 unanswered points against the Falcons.”

Political baseball

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy spoke for 8½ hours into the early hours Friday morning in futile opposition to President Biden’s social spending bill.

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Veteran observers say it was like watching a Yankees-Red Sox doubleheader.

Penalty on the play

Seahawks DE Carlos Dunlap heaved Billy Turner’s shoe downfield after the Packers tackle lost it on a play — drawing a penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Fortunately he was outside the tackle box, or they’d have tacked on an additional 15 for intentional grounding.

Pick one

“We’ve played overall about as bad as we could possibly play at times, so it can only go up from here,” said Jets DT Sheldon Rankins after the team’s:

a) 54-13 loss to New England (Oct. 24)

b) 45-30 loss to the Colts (Nov. 4)

c) 45-17 loss to the Bills (Nov. 14)

Radio silenced

The Big 12 has barred Texas Tech’s football radio broadcasters, Brian Jensen and John Harris, for one game because they criticized referees and conference officials on the air.

In other words, they made a bad call.

So sorry

Rams QB Matthew Stafford’s wife Kelly apologized for throwing a pretzel at a heckling 49ers fan during Monday’s loss.

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It was unclear if she was sorry she threw it, or that it was incomplete.

Good buys galore

Macy’s, JCPenney and Belk came in 1-2-3 in 2021’s Best Places to Shop on Black Friday, according to WalletHub.com.

Somehow not making the list: the cost-cutting Oakland A’s bargain bin.

$900,000, please

You think the Angels’ Shohei Ohtani was happy to win the American League MVP award?

Last March 19, a bettor at Caesars Sportsbook in Nevada placed a $30,000 bet on Ohtani to win it at 30/1 odds.

Don’t look at me

Paris Saint-Germain midfielder Aminata Diallo has been arrested for allegedly setting up an attack on a soccer teammate.

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Jacques Gillooly immediately proclaimed his innocence.

Mr. Fix-It

The Pittsburg (Kan.) State Gorillas team bus suddenly lost power en route to a road game, but long snapper Timmy Malinowski diagnosed the problem, grabbed his Leatherman multi-tool from his backpack and fixed the problem by attaching a hose clamp.

It’s good to have an automotive technology major on your football team.

Talking the talk

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the push for full-time NFL officials: “I don’t know. Baseball umpires work every day and still blow calls and miss balls and strikes.”

• Comedy writer Paul Lander, after the Seahawks’ 17-0 loss to Green Bay: “Seattle stunk so bad in the game against the Packers, even Aaron Rodgers could smell them.”

Stat of the Week

According to NFL memes, NFL teams with cat names and those with bird names are tied at 209-209-10 all time.

The Jaguars and Falcons will break the tie Nov. 28 — we hope.

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Quote marks

• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, on the NFL fining the Packers $300,000 for their breach of COVID protocol: “Or less than $1 per owner.”

• QB Cam Newton, to reporters, when asked how much of the playbook he knew seeing as he played just four days after signing with the Panthers: “Two touchdowns’ worth.”

• Comedy writer Paul Lander, on actor Ralph Macchio turning 60: “Damn, you’ve gotta be ‘Karate Kidding’ me!”

• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, on the 105-year-old woman who set an age-group record of 1 minute, 3 seconds in the 100-meter dash: “Hey, big deal — it was wind-aided.”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on QB Joe Flacco, who’ll start Sunday for the 2-7 Jets, announcing he’s not vaccinated: “This makes sense; the Jets don’t have a shot either.”