Who says you don’t mess with Texas? That state’s 12 FBS teams went a combined 65-85 this past season — including 1-5 in bowl games.

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Who says you don’t mess with Texas?

That state’s 12 FBS teams went a combined 65-85 this past season — including 1-5 in bowl games.

CFP headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “Report: City of Los Angeles eyeing move to get away from Rams and Chargers.”

• At TheKicker.com: “DeShaun Watson just hoping Browns didn’t see his great performance.”

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• At Fark.com:The Chargers are bolting.”

High-caliber player

Alabama defensive end Dakota Ball missed the Tide’s CFP games after blowing off his index finger in a hunting accident.

On the plus side, Ball shot up to No. 1 on the New York Giants’ draft board.

One for the rodent

Amherst College is ditching its Lord Jeffs mascot — and among the 30 possible replacements is “Hamsters.”

Well, that’s one way to be the big wheel on campus.

Stat of the Week

From ESPN: Before blowing a 93-83 lead with 2:29 left against the 76ers, the Knicks were 372-0 with a 10-point lead in the final three minutes of the fourth quarter over the past 20 seasons.

Going green

An Uber driver in New York videotaped himself making 236 consecutive green lights without having to stop.

And you thought the UConn women’s 90-game win streak is impressive?

Paging Capt. Stubing

And, in the latest NFL power rankings — party-boat division — it’s:

3) the Giants

2) the Vikings

1) the Gronk

Watch your wallet

NFL bust Johnny Manziel will be signing autographs and posing for pictures with fans in Houston in the week leading up to the Super Bowl, with charges ranging from $50 to $128.

No word on whether each signed photo comes with a complimentary sucker.

How dry I am

Forty-two percent of California is now drought-free, according to the latest reports.

The other 58 percent, you’d have to assume, still includes the Rams and 49ers.

Mark your calendars

Not that Alabama takes its football seriously or anything, but the team’s official website is already sporting a live countdown to kickoff — of the Tide’s spring game.

Season tickets

Cowboys star running back Ezekiel Elliott’s recent driving record: a car crash and three speeding tickets this year, three misdemeanor traffic citations last year.

Probably not the kind of triple threat his coaches had in mind.

Step aside, STP

An executive at Monster Energy drinks says the company is going to “bring a party” to NASCAR.

Forget the cash influx — drivers can’t wait to see how it works in their fuel tanks.

Dream team

Gary Payton says he’ll coach one of the eight teams in the new 3-on-3 basketball league called the BIG 3, founded by rapper/actor Ice Cube.

Now comes the hard part: Trying to talk George Karl into playing for him.

Talking the talk

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after Bo Jackson said if he had known about head injuries he wouldn’t have played football: “So it turns out after all these years that Bo really didn’t know.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after Joel Imbiid said his 12-25 76ers “have a chance” of making the playoffs: “Did they legalize marijuana in Pennsylvania and not tell us?”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Kansas basketball coach Bill Self said he didn’t know if Svi Mykhailiuk traveled during a controversial game-winning shot: “Really? Assembling my IKEA dresser took fewer steps.”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on things he’d rather watch than “Thursday Night Football: “My entire backlog of ‘Jeopardy! — the Art Fleming years.’ ”

• Bob Molinaro in the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot, recalling when when Chip Kelly was considered the smartest guy in the room: “Either the room got a lot larger or Kelly shrunk.”

• Comic Torben Rolfsen, on the Chargers moving to L.A.: “Depending on freeway traffic, they should be there in time for the 2018 season.”

• Bears guard Kyle Long, to the Chicago Tribune, on avoiding injuries next season: “I’m just going to put those packing peanuts and bubble wrap all over myself next year. I’m going to look like the ‘Christmas Story’ kid.”

Odor in the court

Von Miller’s Denver Broncos teammates have cited him 30 times for flatulence — at $500 a pop, costing him $15,000 in kangaroo-court fines.

Which probably explains why he’s a linebacker and not a tight end.