Need a little good-luck charm, or maybe just a fashion accessory to set off your blue suede shoes?
Elvis Presley’s rhinestone-studded jockstrap — complete with the initials “EP” on the waistband — is expected to hit $36,000 on the Paul Fraser Collectibles auction block.
“Extravagant. Absurd. Sexually potent … pure Elvis Presley,” seller rep Daniel Wade told the London Daily Mail. “I’m sure the new owner won’t be able to resist wearing it out on a Saturday night.”
No word on whether it comes with a return-to-sender guarantee.
• At Fark.com: “Viewers who successfully complete 64-hour Derek Jeter marathon on MLB Network will receive free gift basket.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Governor upset barber would be so reckless as to get near Ben Roethlisberger.”
Laughing in their beer
New Jersey brewery Departed Soles is rolling out a beer called “Trash Can Banger” to poke fun at the Astros’ sign-stealing scandal.
To which Houston foes can only say: Barrel it up!
In wheel trouble
Formula E driver Daniel Abt was disqualified from his third-place finish in the circuit’s “Race At Home Challenge” event on May 23 after it was discovered he had a ringer — professional simulation racer Lorenz Hoerzing — doing his driving.
Now THAT’s what you call failing the postrace inspection.
Pass the popcorn
Some sports movies we’d like to see:
• “Sitting Out The Last Dance”: Post-Jordan Bulls fail to reach NBA Finals for 21st straight year.
• “Moneybawl”: Pay squabbles scuttle 2020 baseball season.
• “Chariots Afire”: NASCAR adds another division featuring Corvairs and Pintos.
Testing, 1, 2, 3 …
Dodger Stadium’s parking lot has been converted into California’s biggest drive-through coronavirus testing site, with the capacity to process 6,000 people daily.
So what’s next — Steve Garvey driving you in for a $10 donation?
Deere season is canceled
This year’s John Deere Classic, scheduled for July 9-12, has been canceled due to the coronavirus pandemic.
In lieu of a news release, the PGA Tour announced the breakup in a John Deere letter.
Birdies, bogeys, gators
Two alligators staged a two-hour fight on the 18th-hole green at Hilton Head Lakes golf course in Hardeeville, South Carolina.
Rumor has it the loser got turned into golf shoes.
Tweet of the Week
“American flag should have 15 stripes: 13 (for the original colonies) +2 (a nod to the duality of franchise history).” — @Wubsta, applying some Washington Nationals math
Where’s the snack bar?
The Miami Dolphins are turning back the clock and converting their Hard Rock Stadium into a temporary drive-in movie theater that can host up to 230 cars.
Experts expect it’ll be a stunning success — as long as the Dolphins don’t show any game films from, say, the past 10 seasons.
Penalty on the play?
Florida prep-football powerhouse Northwestern of Miami is being investigated — and coach Max Edwards suspended — for allegedly conducting practices during the coronavirus shutdown.
If true, it’ll be football’s costliest sneak since Patrick Mahomes.
Get me marketing
If surgical goal-scorer David Pastrnak had been drafted by the Blackhawks instead of the Bruins, would he now be known as Doctor Chicago?
Talking the talk
• Broncos RB Melvin Gordon, via Twitter, on how playing for the Chargers in L.A. was good preparation for this year’s pandemic-altered NFL season: “Bro, we didn’t have fans anyway. … So I’m not missing anything.”
• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, noting that Tom Brady’s production company — just like Michael Jordan’s — is working in conjunction with ESPN on a multipart documentary about the star QB: “Deflategate? What Deflategate?”
• Dave Spect, via Facebook, after the girlfriend of Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge asked officers “Do you know who my boyfriend is?” when she was arrested for DUI: “Soon she’ll know two judges.”
• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, after one of Pats owner Robert Kraft’s Super Bowl rings sold at auction for $1.025 million: “Which begs the question: How does he get Putin to give it up?”
Grip it and rip it
Tom Brady’s pants ripped in a most unfortunate spot when he bent over during the Champions for Charity golf match.
In other words, in a flash he went from quarterback to split end.
Yamaha has developed a “Remote Cheerer” system that allows fans at home to be heard during games played in empty stadiums, and field-tested it on May 13 with 58 speakers placed around 50,000-seat Shizuoka Stadium ECOPA during a soccer match.
Sounds like a win-win to us: Not only will be players hear your cheers, but the restroom lines won’t be as long.
• Christine Brennan of USA Today, on ESPN’s Lance Armstrong documentary: “After soldiering through 2½ months of a pandemic, what did we do to deserve this, another TV network giving Armstrong airtime to share childhood pictures and his innermost feelings as he retells his enduringly reprehensible story?”
• Bucs QB Tom Brady, via Instagram, on why he enjoyed his golf foray: “At halftime of football games we get checked for concussions. In golf, you get refreshments.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after two Thoroughbreds trained by Bob Baffert tested positive for a banned substance in Arkansas: “Well, at least horses can’t complain to the media it was a ‘tainted supplement.’ ”
Quote, end quote
• Ex-Times sportswriter Bud Withers, via Twitter, on the highway sign entering Yakima describing it as “The Palm Springs of Washington”: “Come to think of it, I think there’s a sign outside Palm Springs designating it as the ‘Yakima of southern California.’ ”
• Jay Busbee of Yahoo Sports, via Twitter, on MLB’s sliding-scale proposal for player pay: “This chart is a Rorschach test. Do you see players taking an 80 percent salary cut, or players making $8 million for four months’ work?”
• Comedian Argus Hamilton, via Facebook, after Costco shopper O.J. Simpson — wearing a mask but barehanded — was spotted pushing a cart in Las Vegas: “Of all people, you’d think O.J. would be wearing gloves.”
• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, after a bat used by Lou Gehrig sold for $1 million: “There is only one baseball bat in the world worth $1 million. It’s the one with a check for $999,000 taped to the barrel.”
25 under par
Talk about moving up a few weight classes.
Nine-year-old angler Coye Price reeled in a huge sturgeon in Tennessee’s Old Hickory Lake. He weighs 55 pounds; the lunker fish, 80.