Beer No. 1!

Seattle’s T-Mobile Park came out on top (just ahead of San Diego’s Petco Park) in The Athletic’s ranking of major-league ballparks according to their craft-beer offerings.

Considering Mariners fans haven’t experienced a playoff game since 2001, that’s certainly a very good thing to be No. 1 in.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “Judge issues restraining order against Yankees fan who is considered ‘delusional.’ One down, 8 million to go.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Timberwolves fire clerk on Accounts Receivable team in first step towards turning franchise around.”

Vacation delayed

The Milwaukee Bucks clinched an NBA playoff spot on Feb. 23 — two months before the postseason even starts.

Speaking of which, have the Tigers been eliminated from AL playoff contention yet?

Quiet, please

TV analyst Peter Kostis accused Patrick Reed of cheating in golf tournaments.

But accusing his caddie of banging on a tin cup might be pushing it a bit far.

Back in the saddle

It’s been revealed that D-backs pitcher Madison Bumgarner, using the alias Mason Saunders, raked in some prize money in calf-roping events the past few years.

So when MadBum kept telling reporters this wasn’t his first rodeo, well … no kidding!

Paging Jimmy Buffett

Feb. 22 was National Margarita Day.

Unless you’re lucky enough to be a Marlins fan — and then you get 162 of ‘em.

Hypocrisy redefined

New baseball definition of “hitting from both sides”: Complaining that the cheating Astros “stole” something from you, then turning around and calling A’s pitcher Mike Fiers “a snitch” for letting you know about it.

Not walking the plank

Talk about being tough to the core.

George Hood, a 62-year-old retired law-enforcement officer from Naperville, Illinois, broke a Guinness World Record by remaining in an abdominal plank position for 8¼ hours.

But no trip to Disney World for this guy: He celebrated by doing 75 push-ups.

Good seats unavailable

Because of the coronavirus outbreak in Italy, five Serie A soccer matches — including the big Juventus-Inter Milan showdown — were slated to be played without any fans in attendance.

“Playing in an empty stadium? So what’s the big deal about that?” asked the Miami Marlins.

Strict dress code

Country singer Garth Brooks drew the ire of Trump fans on social media when Brooks wore a Lions No. 20 Sanders jersey to a concert in Detroit — and they mistook it for Bernie, not Barry.

Just wait’ll they see him in a Ron Blomberg jersey at Yankee Stadium.

Talking the talk

• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after an Astros batter was hit with the fourth pitch of a spring-training game: “But only because the opposing pitcher missed him with the first three.”

• Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune: “My doctor confirmed what I’ve always suspected. I hever will have a sports hernia.”

Grunt, set, match

Five-time Grand Slam champion Maria Sharapova announced her retirement Wednesday after 19 pro tennis seasons.

21-grunt salute, anyone?

Up-and-downer

Injuries from trampolines are on the rise, according to study at Children’s hospital in Colorado.

As anyone who’s worked as nightclub muscle can tell you, it’s not easy being a bouncer.

Forget Labor Day

Detroit came in dead last when WalletHub.com came out with its Hardest-Working Cities in America rankings.

“Thanks to us,” said the Red Wings, who’ve rung up a whopping NHL-worst minus-119 goal differential in their first 66 games this season.

Bumper sticker alert

Honk if you weren’t offered the Colorado football-coaching job.

Quote marks

• Odds-on No. 1 draft pick Joe Burrow, via Twitter, after the ex-LSU QB’s thumb-to-pinkie wingspan measured only 9 inches at the NFL combine: “Considering retirement after I was informed the football will be slipping out of my tiny hands. Please keep me in your thoughts.”

• Pete Blackburn of CBSsports.com, on the Flames’ Johnny Gaudreau inexplicably leaving the ice at practice, immediately triggering wild trade speculation: ”It turns out he just had to pee. Trade-deadline day is the best.”

• Ex-UW running back Vince Coby, to SI.com/college/washington,recalling the time he let the word “I” (instead of “we”) slip while talking with diminutive Husky coach Don James about his playing time: ““By the time he was finished with me, he was 7-foot-1 and I was 3 years old.”

• Former Minnesota basketball coach Jim Dutcher, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on the advice he gave son Brian, the San Diego State coach: “It’s an occupation where everybody knows your job better than you do, so you’ve got to be able to live with that.”

How upsetting

Hartford’s women’s basketball team — 0-28 going into its regular-season finale — upset 25-2 Stony Brook, 70-67.

Looks like they can already start engraving the Lloyd Christmas “So You’re Saying There’s A Chance?” Trophy.

Pass the Kleenex

Trevor Moawad, Russell Wilson’s mental-conditioning coach, told the Seahawks QB to avoid listening country music because the lyrics tend to be too negative.

Like the song about the boyfriend getting put on waivers.

Quote, end quote

• Ravens guard Bradley Bozeman, to ESPN, on the state of his stomach after downing a 72-ounce slab of meat to win The Big Texan Steak Ranch eating challenge in Amarillo, Texas: “It was making every noise I’ve ever heard and plus some.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after Deontay Wilder cited the 40-pound costume he wore into the ring for sapping his legs in his heavyweight-title loss to Tyson Fury: “And women are going, ‘40 pounds? Meh, that’s the weight of my small purse.’ ”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on the late Kobe Bryant once showing up at daughter Gigi’s school parents’ day in full Laker uniform with his Olympic gold medal: “How would you like to be the dad after that with the Geico Insurance Agent of the Month plaque?”

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the Orioles playing split-squad games in spring training: “C’mon now. The Birds don’t have enough big-league players for even one squad.”