This is what you call hit and miss in college basketball.
On Feb. 22, during a break in an Ole Miss game, 84-year-old Mary Ann Wakefield rolled in a 94-foot putt — from baseline to baseline on the court — to win a 2020 Nissan Altima.
Eight days later, Nebraska got 30 free-throw attempts during an overtime loss to Northwestern — and clanked 22 of them.
• At @SportsPickle: “Joe Burrow stuck in Indianapolis hotel room for three days because his tiny hands can’t maneuver the doorknob. Weight down to 198.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association horrified to learn Madison Bumgarner risking health as baseball pitcher.”
They needn’t worry
The NBA is suggesting players utilize fist-bumps instead of high-fives as one safety measure against the coronavirus.
“What’s a high-five?” asked the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Good seat available
Front-row fan Spike Lee says he’s through coming to Knicks games this season after getting into a flap over which entrance at Madison Square Garden he’s allowed to use.
On the bright side, veteran Knicks-watchers say, it’s the first time the team has effectively stopped anyone all season.
Getting a groove on
Unofficial dances of Major League Baseball teams:
• Padres: The Funky Chicken
• Cubs: Do The Bartman
• Astros: The Can-Can
Reds third baseman Eugenio Suarez has been out since undergoing shoulder surgery Jan. 28 — the result of diving headfirst into a pool while playing with his kids.
As in swimming pool? Gene pool? Both?
Mets OF Tim Tebow, who once performed circumcisions in Mindanao while doing missionary work there, will play for Team Philippines in the World Baseball Classic Qualifiers.
Guess who just volunteered to be the cutoff man.
High and outside
Nik Wallenda of “The Flying Wallendas” family fame became the first to complete a tightrope walk — 1,800 feet across and 1,800 feet off the ground — across the active lava lake of Nicaragua’s Masaya Volcano.
And now for his next death-defying move: PR man for the Houston Astros.
Circle the date
The minor-league Jacksonville (Fla.) Jumbo Shrimp have an unusual promotion on April 30: “Say Yes to Crack Night.”
Relax, folks — it’s simply a salute to chiropractors and plumbers.
Been there, done that
Kansas City, Mo., came in a middling 18th when WalletHub.com released its rankings of 2020’s Best Cities for St. Patrick’s Day Celebrations on March 17.
Well, duh — Chiefs fans have been toasting St. Patrick since Feb. 2.
NASCAR’s Next Generation car is expected to include a single lug-nut design.
And you thought baseball adopting the designated hitter sparked a spirited debate.
Talking the talk
• Patti Dawn Swansson of PattiTheRiverCityRenegade.wordpress.com, on NFL commentator Tony Romo landing a $17 million-a-year contract from CBS: “Hmmm, I wonder how much it would take for Fox to get Terry Bradshaw to stop talking.”
• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after 364-pound lineman Mekhi Becton clocked a 5.10 in the 40-yard dash at the NFL combine: “The secret was putting the dinner table right at the finish line.”
Princeton seniors chose man-of-few-words Marshawn Lynch to be a Class Day speaker.
What, Steve Carlton wasn’t available?
• Bruce Penton of the Medicine Hat (Alberta) News, on David Ayres getting paid just $500 for his Walter Mitty-like goaltending performance for the Carolina Hurricanes: “As for the memories? Well, that was worth untold millions. Thirty years from now, his grandchildren will be begging him to quit talking about Feb. 22, 2020.”
• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on NASCAR’s Dixie Vodka 400 at Homestead-Miami Speedway: “Hmm. Should a bunch of guys driving 180 mph in heavy traffic be sponsored by vodka?”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the Clippers beat the 76ers 136-130 — In regulation: “Did both teams give up defense for Lent?”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, wondering why the cash-grabbing NFL doesn’t just play a 30-game season: “That would really jack up the income of the owners and the salaries of the players … for one season. Then every player would be injured or dead, and the league would fold. But let’s not dwell on the downside.”
Title went that-a-weigh
Deiveson Figueiredo KO’d Joseph Benavidez in UFC men’s flyweight championship fight but wasn’t awarded the title because he weighed in over the division’s 125-pound limit.
Which probably explains why Figueiredo’s odds of winning the belt suddenly went from plus-125 to “fat chance.”
Tweet of the Week
“Give this man the MNF job. (Or if you’re paying like Romo, I’ll take it.)” — Texans’ JJ Watt, after seeing sports-media whirlwind Pat McAfee perform the Pelicans’ player introductions
A recent conversation between Pats QB Tom Brady and coach Bill Belichick “didn’t go well,” according to one report.
Apparently Tom grew tired of Belichick continually reminding him to speak into the potted plant.
Quote, end quote
• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, spinning the Tom Brady rumor-mill wheel: “Speculation that Brady could be traded to the 49ers in exchange for his one-time understudy Jimmy Garoppolo is more plausible than an Elvis sighting, but only by a little.”
• 76ers coach Brett Brown, after getting swept by the Clippers and Lakers in L.A.: “Sadistically, we love it. You want to figure out what life is like in the playoffs? Do what we just did.”
• Dallas forward Kristaps Porzingis, to reporters, when asked if last week’s Mavs-Pelicans game felt like a playoff atmosphere: “I mean, I wish I had that experience to tell you.”
• Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, on Bucs coach Bruce Arians: “Hard to say if Arians is a great football coach, but Bruce is so cool he needs a Zamboni to run over him twice a day.”