Seattle’s expansion NHL team finally announced its nickname.
So, where does one have to go to get a foam-rubber Krakhead in this here town?
• In the San Diego Union-Tribune: “Sweat and bleed on each other, but no jersey swaps.”
• At Fark.com: “Dodgers place $350,000,000 in Betts.”
3 to draw to
Speaking of the Kraken, if Safeco Field hadn’t been rebranded Seattle would now be home to The Safe, The Clink and The Krak.
Out of this world
The Pentagon team tasked with studying UFOs — the Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon Task Force — plans to publicly release information on its findings.
So maybe we’ll finally get our answer: Did Otis Sistrunk really graduate from the University of Mars?
He’s … back
Wide receiver Antonio Brown has announced he’s retiring, unretiring, retiring, unretiring, retiring and now says he wants to play again.
Don’t know if he’s lost a step off his square-out or go routes, but his comeback pattern is in midseason form.
Flushing Meadows II
Tushy — a bidet-accessory company — says it wants its name on the Buffalo Bills’ stadium.
So what’s next, Tushy Bidet Stadium landing a bowl game?
Shouldn’t this year’s Heisman Trophy — that is, if there is one — be sporting a mask?
One for the birds
Ex-soccer player Noriana Radwan sued UConn for yanking her scholarship after she flipped the bird on TV after the Huskies won the league title in 2014, but it’s been thrown out of court.
Adding further insult, the judge said her “We’re No. 1!” celebration could use a little work.
What could go wrong?
The NFL says it won’t conduct its own investigation into sexual-harassment allegations by Washington front-office types but will instead use the findings of an “independent” probe paid for by team owner Daniel Snyder.
“Now why didn’t we think of that?” groaned the Houston Astros.
Lots of elbow room
The University of Texas hopes to allow 50% seating capacity at its football games in 2020.
In other words, Longhorns, only half the eyes of Texas will be upon you.
Not so close there
The Nationals will continue their “racing Presidents” this season despite the pandemic.
With social-distancing norms in place, here’s guessing you won’t be seeing any races won by a neck.
Operating in the red
Eastern Washington has replaced its red AstroTurf at Roos Field in time for the 2020 football season.
Talk about confusing: Both teams are always in the red zone.
Talking the talk
• Gary Bachman, via Facebook, before Dr. Anthony Fauci threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Nats’ season opener: “If he wants to hit the catcher’s mitt, he needs to work on flattening the curve.”
• Alex Brewsaugh, via Facebook, after Dr. Fauci’s throw was wildly off target: “Angel Hernandez had it as a strike!”
Dos and don’ts
Lakers reserve guard Alex Caruso skipped his sister’s July 18 wedding in Texas because he would’ve likely faced a 10- to 14-day quarantine upon his return to the NBA bubble.
In other words, she said I do; he said I won’t.
• Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, on LSU coach Ed Orgeron saying America needs football because “football is the lifeblood of our country”: “No, Ed, you need football. It is the lifeblood of Ed Orgeron.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Texas delaying the start of major high-school football seasons: “In Texas this is like temporarily closing churches.”
• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on Patrick Mahomes’ new $500 million contract being 117 pages long. “I’ve lived in towns that didn’t have phone books that big.”
• Comedy writer Brad Dickson: “You know the world is messed up when Mariano Rivera is attending the White House briefing and Dr. Anthony Fauci is warming up to take the mound at a major-league stadium.”
“As a soccer fan, I had a scary thought,” wrote Tim Hunter on Everett’s KRKO Radio. “What if we get to the end of 2020 and we’re then told there are six months of stoppage time?”
Quote, end quote
• Brewers first baseman Logan Morrison, to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, not fazed at the prospect of playing games in empty stadiums: “It’s not going to be that difficult. I played with the Rays and Marlins.”
• Mike Digiovanna of the L.A. Times, via Twitter, on baseball’s brave new world: “It would have been more realistic to have most of those cardboard cutouts of fans behind home plate in Dodger Stadium looking down at their phones and not the game.”
• Blogger Gregg Drinnan, with a COVID-19 update: “It’s my understanding that the virus will go away once the weather turns cold.”
• Ben Lindbergh of The Ringer, sifting through the fun possibilities of MLB’s 60-game season: “Someone will go off for two months and cement themselves as a small-sample legend.”