Can you imagine someone up in heaven trying to explain the concept of Name, Image and Likeness payouts to Woody Hayes?

Ohio State football coach Ryan Day told about 100 business people Thursday that it would take $13 million in NIL money to keep his roster from getting poached. As in, a $2 million price tag for top-shelf quarterbacks, and $1 million for major offensive tackles and edge rushers.

No word on what a bargain-basement long snapper might fetch.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Babe Ruth comparisons grow after hammered Shohei Ohtani eats 53 hot dogs.”

• At Fark.com: “Kap to skip the national anthem at games. No, not that Kap.”

Fantasy gets real

Reds outfielder Tommy Pham has been suspended three games for slapping the Giants’ Joc Pederson over a fantasy-football dispute.

At least they didn’t dock him a first-round pick and drop him to the bottom of the waiver wire.

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Need a pinch-hitter?

Mets shortstop Francisco Lindor missed Thursday’s game after smashing a finger in a hotel-room door.

A grand slam it wasn’t.

Just hoop it

Nike founder Phil Knight has submitted a bid of $2 billion-plus to purchase the Portland Trail Blazers, though it’s not clear if the team is for sale.

A roster reshaping might be welcome, but those 82 uniform combinations might take some getting used to.

On second thought …

From the Better Late Than Never file:

The Sioux City (Iowa) Bandits of the Champions Indoor Football league canceled their promotional giveaway of an AR-15 rifle after announcing it on Facebook.

No-fun zone

A Wrigley Field usher is this week’s Party Pooper of the Week after walking down his aisle and leveling a burgeoning beer-cup pyramid that had reached 80 cups.

Seeing as the Cubs are just 11-18 at home, that might have been just one guy’s beer consumption.

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Goodbye, Joe

The Phillies have fired manager Joe Girardi after a 22-29 start.

Or as they call it anyplace but Philadelphia, commuting his sentence.

Last in graduation line

Because of high-school graduation ceremonies previously booked for the ShoWare Center, the Seattle Thunderbirds will play only two of a possible seven games in the Western Hockey League finals at home.

In other words, good pomp for the T-birds but bad circumstance.

Well, except for that

The Angels’ Mike Trout — five-tool player, three-time MVP and possessor of 323 career homers at age 30 — is having his bona fides as a fantasy football commissioner questioned by the Reds’ Tommy Pham.

Hey, nobody’s perfect.

Blemish on his face

Hideki Matsuyama was disqualified from the Memorial Tournament for a nonconforming 3-wood — specifically, a substance that had been painted on its face.

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It wasn’t as obvious as the pine tar on George Brett’s bat but, man, these rules guys are strict.

Talking the talk

• Pelicans forward Larry Nance Jr., via Twitter, when asked if he is the most famous person from Richfield, Ohio’s Revere High School: “You would think so … but, I’m not sure what I’d have to do to pass Jeffery Dahmer.”

• Tim Hunter of Everett’s KRKO Radio, feeling proud after doing 100 pullups in a day: “But I was told that pants don’t count.”

Quote marks

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the Celtics entered the final period of Game 1 down by 12 and wound up with a 12-point win: “The Atlanta Falcons could have told the Warriors never to sleep on a New England team during the fourth quarter.”

• Brent Musburger, via Twitter, announcing his resignation as the Raiders’ radio voice: “What’s next? I hear Mike Trout might step down as commissioner of his fantasy league. You never know!”

• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on news that wrestler Ric Flair will climb into the ring this summer at age 73: “Hey, if Mick Jagger can prance around on stage and pretend he can still sing at age 78, why can’t Ric Flair pretend he can still fake fight?”

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• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on news that ex-Saints QB Drew Brees is out after just one year at NBC: “Hardly enough time to know he was in.”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on the Maple Leafs losing their last nine elimination games — 0-4 in Game 7s: “Even my 1990 VW is better in the clutch.”

Money player

The Lakers’ LeBron James is a billionaire, according to Forbes magazine, marking the first time an active NBA player has achieved that milestone.

The only other NBA player to ever make the10-digit-club is Michael Jordan — 10 years after he retired.