One-day quarterback clinic with Joe Montana can be yours for a mere $65,000

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Stumped to find a holiday gift for that hard-to-please football fanatic?

Neiman Marcus is offering a one-day QB clinic for four with 49ers Hall of Famer Joe Montana. They’ll even throw in an autographed football and have your picture taken with him.

And it’s all yours — for just $65,000.

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “Retired David Ortiz says he’s looking forward to not having to stand up four times a day to bat.”

• At TheKicker.com: “Belichick kicked out of Microsoft store for screaming at tablets.”

Tweet of week

From ESPN analyst and ex-Seahawks QB Matt Hasselbeck: “Kickers are like lawyers. Nobody really appreciates them until you need a good one.”

Candyland

Besides the obvious Skittles at Marshawn Lynch’s house, here’s some other can’t-miss stops on your trick-or-treating rounds this year:

• At Ryan Fitzpatrick’s: Butterfingers

• At Rex Ryan’s: Snickers

• At Tim Tebow’s: Life Savers

• At Eli Manning’s: Nerds

• At Ryan Lochte’s: Whoppers

Quote marks

• Jonah Keri of CBSsports.com, after Indians fans discovered Ryan Merritt’s wedding registry during the rookie pitcher’s ALCS-clinching Game 5 start and bought the couple a bunch of gifts: “One night captivating the sports world ensured he’ll never need to buy a muffin pan for the rest of his life.”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on why NFL TV ratings are down 11 percent: “Oh, I don’t know. How about how annoying it is to watch a ton of commercials followed by live features that are introduced as ‘The GEICO halftime update brought to you by Aflac’?”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Dodgers broadcaster Vin Scully calling it a career at 88: “Hey, if he’s looking to stay busy, he’s the perfect age to begin his career on the U.S. Supreme Court.”

• Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, on the possibility the winless Browns might actually be favored to win on Nov. 6: “Provided the Jets have Ryan Fitzpatrick or Geno Smith at quarterback. If they go to 73-year-old Joe Namath, all bets are off.”

Bad route

Star wideout Dez Bryant says he sliced two fingers preparing carrots for soup, but the Cowboys aren’t worried.

Dez always gets in and out of his cuts in a hurry.