Jacksonville Jaguars fans plan to attend Sunday’s season finale dressed as clowns to protest the team’s ineptitude.

Hey, it was either that or humiliate themselves by wearing their Jags jerseys.


• At Fark.com: “Bulls win on a buzzer-beating 3-point shot for the first time since 2021. Fark: December 31, 2021.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Somewhat athletic couple gives birth to potential Division III lacrosse player.”

On second thought …

Point: Let’s expand the College Football Playoff field

Counterpoint: So we can have even more riveting games like Alabama 27, Cincinnati 6 and Georgia 34, Michigan 11.


NFL news quiz

A fan has filed a $6 billion lawsuit against the Jets and Giants for deceptive practices, on the grounds that they:

a) call themselves New York but play in New Jersey

b) claim to play professional football

Looking for answers

The NFL will discontinue using the Wonderlic intelligence test in evaluating draft prospects, AP reported.

As for what they’ll replace it with, a lot of potential draftees are reportedly walking around muttering, “Person … Woman … Man … Camera … TV.”

Wayback machine

• The late Mickey Mantle, at a roast for the late Billy Martin, on his former Yankee teammate’s proclivity for getting into bar fights: “This is the only man I know in the world who can hear somebody giving him the finger.”

• Pete Rose, upon being picked up 31 years ago at an Illinois federal prison after serving a five-month sentence for tax evasion: “Is there a hitting cage around here?”

• Arkansas coach Lou Holtz, when his team was pelted with oranges after winning a trip to the 1978 Orange Bowl: “I’m glad we’re not going to the Gator Bowl.”


Penalty on the play

Retired RB Clinton Portis has been sentenced to six months in federal prison and six months of home confinement for defrauding a health care-benefit program for retired NFL veterans of nearly $100,000.

He had hoped to get off with 5 yards for illegal touching.

Gutter bawl

Popular once, but hard to find now: pet rocks … hula hoops … Pac-12 bowling shirts …

Bill Walton’s “conference of champions” went 0-5 in the most recent spate of bowl games, after an 0-2 effort the year before.

Envelope, please

Oilers center Connor McDavid, with 19 goals and a league-leading 53 points, tested positive for the virus last week.

COVID-19 is suddenly the odds-on favorite to win this year’s Norris Trophy.


Talking the talk

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter. after the NFL experienced a DUI, players punching teammates and opponents, and a player stripping and quitting in midgame in Week 17: “One week without John Madden, and the entire league has gone to hell.”

• AP’s Greg Beacham, via Twitter, after Utah’s Micah Bernard caught a TD pass and led his team in tackles vs. Ohio State: “I believe he is the first player to do that in the Rose Bowl since Shohei Ohtani.”

Gone, viral

Utah Jazz center Rudy Gobert tested positive for COVID-19 for the second time in 22 months.

At least he didn’t touch all the news-conference microphones this time.

Quote, end quote

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, after a sportswriter said he wouldn’t vote for Aaron Rodgers for MVP because he “is the biggest jerk in the league”: “If we started eliminating professional athletes from winning awards because they are jerks, every sport’s Hall of Fame would be the size of a broom closet.”

• Tim Hunter of Everett’s KRKO Radio, on Antonio Brown stripping off his jersey and shoulder pads and quitting in the middle of a game: “I suppose the good news for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is that they don’t have to replace Antonio Brown’s uniform, so he should get his deposit back.”


• Comedian Argus Hamilton, via Facebook, with Oklahoma becoming a boom state for legal marijuana: “There is no God if the top-selling strain isn’t labeled the Bud Wilkinson.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the Washington Football Team revealing its new name and uniforms on Feb. 2: “Unfortunately for WFT fans, the name of their owner will be the same, and the new uniforms will have the same old players in them.”

Hoofing it

Fox Sports has wrested the Belmont Stakes broadcast from NBC, starting in 2023.

Well, they were the 7-5 morning-line favorite.

Quote marks

• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, after tennis star Novak Djokovic being banned from Australian Open because he is unvaccinated: “The news isn’t all bad for Novak. He just signed to be the new backup quarterback for the Green Bay Packers.”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Djokovic’s disqualification: “As far as we know, he has not had one COVID vaccination, never mind two — the ultimate double-fault.”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on MLB’s need for robotic umpires to call balls and strikes: “Human umps were fine in the old days. So were phone booths and stage coaches.”

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, saying that the college football transfer portal is out of control: “Speaking of a portal that’s always open, Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh is said to be interested in returning to the NFL.”