When Daniel Carlson says he beat himself, he wasn’t kidding.

The Raiders kicker — a perfect 4 for 4 on field goals and 2 for 2 on extra points against the Steelers last Sunday — lost his fantasy-league game because one of his old college pals had Carlson as his kicker.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Simone Biles drops in on pickup gymnastics meet in Rucker Park.”

• At Fark.com: “NFL to hold combine in London so they can harvest international talent.”

Political infighting

Boxing icon Manny Pacquiao accepted his party’s nomination to run for president of the Philippines in 2022, and political pundits say he has more than a puncher’s chance.

Well, duh — everybody else is too scared to throw their hat in the ring.

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Skating billboards

The Washington Capitals became the first NHL team to sell advertising on their jerseys, and now the door is wide open:

• Molson Canadiens?

• STP Oilers?

• Bud Light Sabres?

Gone golfing

San Diego’s late-season freefall reached its tipping point when teammates Manny Machado and Fernando Tatis Jr. got into a shouting match in the San Diego dugout.

What, did somebody forget to book their October golfing dates?

First down

Portland State football coach Bruce Barnum is a popular guy this week after promising to buy a beer for any fans who came out to see his Vikings play last Saturday.

He paid up on Tuesday, to the tune of 786 Deschutes Fresh Squeezed IPAs, 1,260 Coors Lights and $14,448.

Taking a jab

Warriors swingman Andrew Wiggins is reportedly unvaccinated, putting his availability for some games into question.

Making him the first NBA player this season to be criticized for his shot selection.

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Atlanta’s burning

The Falcons have started 0-2 — losing by 26 and 23 points — and QB Matt Ryan looks like he’s trying to talk himself into the concussion protocol.

“We need to continue to make strides as we go into Week 3,” he told CBSsports.com. “If we can do that, I really feel like we’ve got enough weapons and the right people that we can correct this thing and get it moving in the right direction.”

That’s a new one

Hawks 1, Fort Hill 0.

The Cumberland (Md.) high school had to reschedule its volleyball senior night until a Cooper’s hawk that made its home in the gymnasium could be removed.

Talking the talk

• Notre Dame QB Jack Coan, to NBC Sports, after trainers quickly tended to his dislocated finger on the game-winning drive against Toledo: “It was sort of like a pit crew. … They popped it back in and got me right back on the track.”

• Jeff Patterson, on Twitter, saying he’s such a fan of young tennis star Leylah Fernandez that he might name his daughter after her: “And my daughter is 18. She’ll just have to deal with the change.”

• Retiring U.S. soccer star Carli Lloyd, 39, on the GOAL podcast, on why she won’t be playing at age 44 like QB Tom Brady: “Well, Tom Brady doesn’t have to have kids.”

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You make the call

Toronto plunked the Rays’ Kevin Kiermaier with a pitch, two days after he swiped Toronto catcher Alejandro Kirk’s data card.

Flummoxed scorekeepers couldn’t decide how to score it — hit by pitch or caught stealing?

Quote marks

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on anti-vaxxer Cam Newton remaining unsigned: “Now teams won’t touch Newton with a 10-foot swab.”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Reader’s Digest’s list of seven things Canadians haven’t been able to say for a long time: “Let me guess one: The Leafs are Stanley Cup champions.”

• Mike McIntyre of the Winnipeg Free Press, offering up a scouting report on his golf game: “Good attitude. Tries hard. Zero actual talent. FORE!”

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on Fox commentator Mark Schlereth’s incessant utterings during the 49ers-Eagles game: “I firmly believe that Mark Schlereth was vaccinated with a stereo needle.”

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Upon further review

Week 2 NFL recap, from @NOTSportsCenter:

• All your bets lost.

• Half your fantasy team is injured.

• Half your real team is injured.

• You haven’t seen your significant other in weeks.

• You averaged 32 hours of screen time in the last day.

• You drank so much you need a liver transplant.

“Football. Is. Back.”

Quote, end quote

• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on competitive imbalance in women’s hockey: “In Ponytail Puck it’s Canada-U.S., and every other country is the Buffalo Sabres.”

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot: “Just asking: Does Ted Lasso’s Emmy win the other night put him on the shortlist of coaching candidates for the Southern Cal football job?”

• Panthers tackle Cam Erving, to reporters, saying the Panthers can survive until their injured running back returns: “We’re a football team. We’re not the Carolina Christian McCaffreys.’’

• Phil Mushnick of the New York Post, on Florida offering a scholarship to eighth-grade QB Julian Lewis: “Seriously. Guess he already meets the academic requirements.”