Leaving on a Jet plane? Not this dearly departed New York fan.

“Beloved husband, father, grandfather, uncle and friend, drew his last breath on December 9, 2020,” began the obit for Edward Mazur, 85, in Newsday, “mainly, we suspect, to avoid having to watch another Jets game.”

Good guess: The Jets lost to the Seahawks on the following Sunday, 40-3.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Baker Mayfield’s commercial agent furious he continues to risk everything by playing football.”

• At Fark.com: “Lovie fired by Illinois. Thurston Howell III distraught.”

Empty Threats Dept.

Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly says the Irish might boycott the College Football Playoff if it involves playing in empty stadiums.

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Maybe he’s not such a big fan of echoes, after all.

Hail Mary time

Ex-Auburn football coach Tommy Tuberville — the newly elected U.S. senator from Alabama — hinted he’ll join a potential challenge to the electoral-vote count when Congress reconvenes in January.

Ever see a red challenge flag thrown across the senate floor before?

Web gems galore

With Cleveland announcing it will change its longtime MLB nickname, nostalgics are pushing to reinstate the city’s late-1800s mascot, the Spiders.

And place their Class AAA affiliate in Charlotte.

Football quiz

Marco Wilson, the Florida DB who picked up an LSU player’s shoe and hurled it downfield to keep the Tigers’ winning drive alive, was officially penalized for:

a) unsportsmanlike conduct

b) delay of game

c) intentional grounding

Hoof-da

Who would’ve guessed that blaming a defeat on somebody throwing a shoe would involve a football game and not a horse race?

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No-show of hands

Thanks to COVID-19, this Dec. 31 in Times Square will mark the first time in 113 years that there won’t be any New Yorkers on hand to witness a ball getting dropped.

In other words, no different than a Jets home game in 2020.

Hat’s off to Chucky

Raiders coach Jon Gruden wore an “Oakland Raiders” cap during the first half of Thursday’s game against the Chargers, then switched to “Las Vegas Raiders” for the second half.

Apparently his “L.A. Raiders” cap was still in the wash.

Fast Getaway Dept.

Dozens of street racers who broke into Elko Speedway in Minnesota fled when police arrived to investigate, Minneapolis’ KMSP-TV reported.

But if any security video surfaces, a few people’s driving privileges might be photo-finished.

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Stuck on 99

Kansas — thanks to its COVID-canceled game against Texas — lost out on a chance to become the first team in college-football history to lose 100 games in 10 years.

But chin up, Jayhawks sufferers: There’s always next year!

Degree of difficulty

A Dutch hacker guessed Donald Trump’s Twitter password by punching in “maga2020!”

“But hey,” he said, “it was certainly a lot easier than deciphering the Houston Texans’ trades.”

Getting it off his chess

The Nets’ Kyrie Irying says he’s not speaking with media because “I do not talk to pawns.”

Imagine how snooty he’d be if he played for the Kings.

Talking the talk

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on a Mariners chrome wine stopper included among this year’s holiday-gift offerings: “Which is odd, because people who watch the Mariners are usually driven to finish the bottle.”

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• Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, on Arizona State’s 70-7 beatdown win in the Territorial Cup: “Typical week. I had Arizona and 62.”

Playing Electoral College

Speaking of this year’s Territorial Cup, Arizona demanded — and received — a recount of the final tally.

So now it’s 71-7.

Quote marks

• Blogger Chad Picasner, on Army’s 15-0 win over Navy: “Army lived up to its training as ground forces, running the ball 53 times and passing only once. … Navy was severely handicapped because there was no water on the field, and their battleship wouldn’t fit through the gate.”

• Stanford’s Tara VanDerveer, to reporters after her record 1,099th basketball win last week, recalling the wisdom her late father once told her: “You don’t win the Kentucky Derby on donkeys.”

• Fox commentator Troy Aikman, after the Raiders’ A.J. Cole shanked a 19-yard punt out of bounds against the Chargers: “I gave up golf for that reason.”

Quote, end quote

• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on the NBA fining the Nets’ Kyrie Irving $25,000 for refusing to speak to the media: “Ya, like that’s going to unzip his lips. The guy’s due to collect $33 million for bouncing a ball in 2020-21.”

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• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on Irving’s vow not to speak to the media: “I would miss his trenchant commentary about as much as one would miss an ashtray on a motorcycle.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Cleveland’s baseball team joining D.C.’s football team in changing its polarizing nickname: “Waiting for Southern states to tell New York to drop Yankees.”

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on a COVID-era wish list: “I want to be watching college basketball on a night when the fan cutouts storm the court.”