Giants quarterback Eli Manning has years of experience playing in the City of Brotherly Love.

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City of Brotherly Love? Not if you’re a Manning brother.

“Philly, you just gotta get used to,” Giants QB Eli Manning, 37, told Steiner Sports. “… because you’re not used to seeing a 9-year-old cursing at you and talking about my mom and stuff.

“Once you get used to it, it’s fine. It just takes a year or two. Now (15 years later) he’s 24 and training his 4-year-old to curse at me.”

MLB headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Derek Jeter denies tanking allegations after Marlins field 4 players.”

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• At Fark.com: “000 000 000 Canada.”

Stop the presses

Lehigh Valley (Pa.) Phantoms goaltender Alex Lyon made a whopping 94 saves on 95 shots as his team won 2-1 in the longest game in the American Hockey League’s 82-year history — five overtimes!

In keeping with the theme, they let Tex Cobb award him the first star.

Casket catch

Baseball Hall of Famer Andre Dawson owns Paradise Memorial Funeral Home in Richmond Heights, Fla.

Which certainly puts a whole new spin on “burying one in the dirt.”

Puck quiz

The Bruins’ Brad Marchand, the NHL’s serial tongue-lapper, vowed to change his ways after the league:

a) told him “pardon my French” is not an acceptable response

b) gave him a good tongue-lashing

c) revoked his licker license

Game of thrones

Red Sox star Mookie Betts and actress Meghan Markle — set to wed Prince Harry on May 19 at Windsor Castle — could be distant relatives, The Boston Globe reported.

Coincidence? Betts’ agent just demanded a trade to the Royals.

Jayhawks down

In just the past eight months, the Kansas cheer team has been suspended and three KU fraternities shut down amid hazing allegations.

Turns out the least-threatening thing on campus is the football team.

Express written consent

The Phillies’ pitching staff is nothing but right-wingers after lone lefty Zac Curtis got demoted to the minors last week.

The Republican Party approves of this message.

Take it outside

Golfer Dustin Johnson angered Paulina Gretzky by hitting golf balls in the house.

He quickly got the hint when she returned fire with a bevy of slap shots.

Talking the talk

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, after 49ers GM John Lynch said he was “essentially scouting” while attending a Warriors game: “Lynch could (and probably will) do a lot worse than Draymond Green at free safety.”

• Mackay Taggart of Global News Toronto, via Twitter, on the NHL telling Brad Marchand to cease and desist licking opponents: “Ripped from the headlines of a kindergarten-class newspaper.”

Putting on the dog

Floyd Mayweather, who’s been known to do some eccentric things, bought his dog some designer shoes.

Even more shocking than that? Floyd’s lucky pooch isn’t even a boxer.

Down-and-out route

Dez Bryant turned down a three-year, $21-million pitch from the Ravens — preferring to roll the dice with a one-year, make-good deal — and now his offers have totally dried up.

Upon further review, Dez dropped the ball.

Quote marks

• Seven-foot 76er Joel Embiid, to reporters, on his Game 4 scuffle with 6-2 Celtic Terry Rozier: “He tried to punch me twice, but too bad he’s so short that he couldn’t get to my face.”

• Times reader Len Elliott, on the Bruins getting eliminated despite Brad Marchand’s overactive tongue: “If you can’t join ’em, lick ’em!”

• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, after a survey declared that the worst gameday experience in pro sports comes courtesy of the NFL: “Fans in Cleveland are saying, ‘Tell us about it.’ ”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on sports karma: “Matt Harvey refuses to go to a AAA team. And ends up with the 8-27 Reds.”

• TBS’s Conan O’Brien, after a study said exercise, losing weight and drink in moderation are the best ways to add years to your life: “To which all of America replied, ‘What else you got?’ ”

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on U.S. Olympic gold-medal curler Tyler George taking a break from competition: “Apparently he developed a wicked case of ‘broom elbow.’ ”

Big man on campus

Kiyaunta Goodwin of Louisville, Ky., is 6 feet 7, weighs 370 pounds, wears size-18 shoes, leg-presses 1,000 pounds, bench-presses 315, displays uncanny agility, likes art, music and robotics and has a football offer from Georgia in his pocket, according to Bleacher Report.

Oh, and did we mention he’s only 14 years old and an eighth-grader?

IOC, meet kettle

The International Olympic Committee is threatening to remove boxing from the 2020 Games due to corruption and links with organized crime.

Well, if that’s the criteria for banishment, then why is the IOC still in existence?

Pop of the bat

Orioles pitcher Dylan Bundy lasted only seven batters against the Royals last Tuesday, giving up a single, homer, homer, homer, walk, walk and homer.

On the plus side, he might have a 7-Up endorsement in his future.

The write stuff

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the 20-horse field in this year’s Kentucky Derby: “Is it a race or a stampede?”

• Comic Torben Rolfsen, via Twitter, after the Mariners’ James “Big Maple” Paxton no-hit the Blue Jays: “I threw a no-hitter in Little League when my nickname was ‘Big Pimple.’ ”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after Russian president Vladimir Putin, 65, scored seven goals in a pickup hockey game: “Now, I don’t want to say the goalie did not try to stop Vlad’s shots, but I’ve seen Kardashians reach harder to pick up a book.”

• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on why he’s looking forward to the XFL’s return: “That’s another three hours a week I can go to Walden Pond with a bag of Fritos.”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, with obviously too much time on his hands: “Just wondering: Do MLB players earn a base salary?”

• Blogger TC Chong, after the Cavaliers’ second straight playoff sweep of Toronto: “Can someone go into Wikipedia and change the owner of the Raptors to LeBron James?”

Don’t press your luck

A woman at a Texas racetrack turned an $18 “Pick 5” bet on a series of Kentucky Derby Day races into $1.2 million.

Here’s hoping she’ll resist the urge to let it ride on the Browns winning the Super Bowl.