Share story

News flash: Barkley, 15 others to appear in ESPN the Magazine’s 10th annual Body Issue.

Relax, folks — it’s Saquon, not Charles.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “Every bar patron watching World Cup has different, incorrect definition of offside rule.”

• At Fark.com: “Barry Trotz over to the New York Islanders.”

2 up, 3 down

Most Read Sports Stories

Unlimited Digital Access. $1 for 4 weeks.

Brewers reliever Adrian Houser vomited twice on the mound but somehow made it through the top of the eighth inning against the Phillies last Sunday.

Which certainly puts a whole new spin on “warmup tosses.”

Sports quiz

A flying hot dog — shot out of a cannon by the Phillie Phanatic — hit a fan in the face because:

a) she couldn’t lift her arms to catch it because she has a bum shoulder

b) it had a little too much mustard on it

Smoke gets in your ice

Canada will legalize marijuana nationwide on Oct. 17, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced.

Coming soon to an NHL trophy case near you: the Lady Bong Trophy.

Rude Warriors

San Francisco’s Barebottle Brewing Company took a jab at Cavs star LeBron James with its newest IPA called “LeBron Tears.”

So what’s next, Rolex selling J.R. Smith timepieces?

Door 1, Closer 0

Giants closer Hunter Strickland is out 6-8 weeks after breaking his hand socking a door after blowing a save.

In other words, his 30th punchout of the season was a costly one.

On the road again

The Hornets have worked out a trade of center Dwight Howard to the Nets, which would make it six teams — or possibly seven, if the Nets buy him out — in eight NBA seasons.

Looks like he needs to change his superhero moniker from Superman to Chameleon.

Stop the madness

Phil Mickelson incurred a two-stroke penalty for hitting a moving ball at the U.S. Open.

“You can hit a moving ball?” asked a Baltimore Oriole.

Game of thrones

The Vikings will induct coach Dennis Green, who died two years ago, into their Ring of Honor on Sept. 23.

In other words, they’re going to posthumously crown his ass.

Wrong sport

The San Francisco Giants have lost nine leads against the Miami Marlins this season.

Too bad they’re not a football team: They’d never get called for holding.

Talking the talk

• Mississippi State baseball fan Terry Powell, to Omaha’s KMTV-TV, on the sacrifices it took to get him to the College World Series: “My wife’s boyfriend sold his prosthetic leg on Craigslist to afford me the opportunity to be here. But they get alone time, and I get a chance to be in Omaha.”

• Nick Martin, via Twitter, after WSU football coach Mike Leach caused a furor by retweeting a doctored Barack Obama video: “Might need to lock Coach’s phone in the equipment shed the next few days.”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after a jockey in New Zealand was knocked from his horse, got back on and won the race: “The name of the horse was Don’t Wanna Be Glue.”

Injury of the Week

He suffered back spasms while taking off his pants and landed on the disabled list — Cubs closer Brandon Morrow, that is.

We would’ve guessed Tiger Woods.

Still eating at them

International Smoke, Ayesha Curry’s new restaurant in Houston, has been inundated with one-star reviews on Yelp one month before it even opens — courtesy of Rockets fans targeting Warriors hubby Steph.

Golden State fans, we assume, plan to raise the average with a return volley of threes.

Tweet of the Week

From Andy Koke, responding to Reggie Bush’s tweet of complaint about getting served cold food — twice — in a single trip to a restaurant: “I once drafted a RB in fantasy football that got me minus-3 yards on the season. Some people just suck at what they do.”

Quote marks

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after ex-Stanford basketball star Reid Travis said he “wanted to align both my academic and my athletic interests” in explaining his graduate transfer to play at Kentucky: “And he said the first part of that sentence with a straight face.”

• Vic Parziale, to AP, on serving as his son Matt’s caddie at the U.S. Open: “I keep my mouth shut and carry the bag. If he asks me a question, I answer it. I haven’t gotten fired yet. Can’t find anybody cheaper.”

• Gogol bartender Dmitry, to Reuters, on guzzling World Cup fans threatening the beer supply at his Moscow bar: “The sun makes them thirsty. In Russian we say ‘to the bottom!’ I like that these guys are embracing our culture.”

Fire in the hole

Here’s one golfer who doesn’t consider water a hazard.

Matt Parziale, who tied for low-amateur honors at the U.S. Open, is a firefighter from Brockton, Mass.

Quote, end quote

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Packers QB Aaron Rodgers’ honorary degree from the Medical College of Wisconsin: “And like many a doctor in private medicine, he can really hurt you in the pocket.”

• Shouted from the gallery at NHL ref Garrett Rank, who was playing in the U.S. Open: “Call more slashing on Pittsburgh!”

• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, on the Phillies fan injured by a flying hot dog: “Which was still less harmful than if they had actually caught and eaten it.”

Draft 1, Ball Family 0

“We want ’Gelo!” chanted the two dozen or so NBA-draft fans still in attendance before the 60th and final pick was announced.

As in LiAngelo Ball. The choir’s prayer went unanswered.