ESPN Cleveland radio host Aaron Goldhammer said he’d “eat horse poop” if the Browns took Oklahoma QB Baker Mayfield with the No. 1 pick. They did, so he says he will.

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And you thought your NFL team’s top draft choice left a bad taste in your mouth?

ESPN Cleveland radio host Aaron Goldhammer said he’d “eat horse poop” if the Browns took Oklahoma QB Baker Mayfield with the No. 1 pick. They did, so he says he will.

Lucky thing Goldhammer doesn’t work in Baltimore. QB Lamar Jackson — who fell all the way to the Ravens at 32 — vowed he’s coming to town with two chips on his shoulder.

Rolling in the dough

Pizza Hut awarded the “pi pick” (3.14) in this year’s NFL draft — Texas linebacker Malik Jefferson, chosen by the Bengals — a year’s worth of free pies.

We shudder to think what 4.20 got.

Get to work, Kid

April 26, in case you missed it, was America’s annual Take Our Sons and Daughters to Work Day.

“Been there, done that,” said Ken Griffey Sr.

Let’s do the Twist

April 26 was also National Pretzel Day.

Or, as we prefer to call it, Don’t Mess with a WWE Rassler Day.

Six bits, a dollar

Two ex-cheerleaders who filed discrimination suits against the NFL said they’d settle for $1 each if they got an audience with the commissioner.

Washington owner Daniel Snyder immediately offered to give them the ones.

Braking bawl

Dodgers manager Dave Roberts benched Cody Bellinger for settling for a double instead of a triple.

Apparently Bellinger heard about that short stop between second and third.

Cup won’t runneth over

Moscow says it will limit alcohol sales at this summer’s World Cup.

In keeping with the theme, servers will be dressed as referees when they card you.

Tight ending

Gronkowski was an early scratch from this year’s Kentucky Derby.

At least that was the word from his trainer at T12 Stables.

Herd in passing

Forget the Bambino. Hear about the curse of Rob Deer?

A high-school baseball game in Manitou Springs, Colo., was delayed 10 minutes when two wandering mule deer took the field.

Political basketball

Dennis Rodman says he deserves some credit for greasing the summit between Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump.

Next thing you know The Worm will be claiming he’s the one who got LiAngelo Ball out of China.

All kidding aside

The two youngest players in Major League Baseball — Ronald Acuna Jr., 20, and Ozzie Albies, 21 — both homered for the Braves in a win over the Reds.

Not that they’re young or anything but … after the game teammates took them to Dairy Queen.

Talking the talk

• Blogger Chad Picasner, on thumb-happy umpires: “Can you imagine a game with Country Joe West, Balking Bob Davidson and Angel Hernandez all doing their thing? I guarantee we’d end up with about six players on a side left by the ninth inning.”

• Janice Hough of, after Carmelo Anthony said he’ll refuse to play a bench role for the Thunder next season: “Proving once again: Maybe you can’t cure cancer, but you can sometimes trade it.”

Four wide ones

Corpulent Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval pitched a 1-2-3 ninth inning in mop-up duty in a 15-6 loss to the Dodgers.

His teammates, we assume, now refer to his fastball as the Panda Express.

Chew on this

Adweek reported that Amsterdam, which annually cleans 3.3 million pounds of chewing gum off its streets, is converting it into a new type of rubber and producing sneakers called Gumshoes.

With an NFL model, we assume, called The Ditka.

Smoke screen

Charles Woodson, Michigan’s 1997 Heisman Trophy winner, promised UM graduates that the Wolverines will end their six-year losing streak to rival Ohio State on Nov. 24.

But just in case he’s wrong, Wolverine fans: Legalizing marijuana will be on the ballot in Michigan in the November election.

Hold your licker

The NHL told Bruins left winger Brad Marchand to quit licking opposing players.

Hey, it’s better than trying to stick his tongue on a frozen goal post.


Seattle pitcher Erasmo Ramirez gave up five bases-empty homers in a 6-5 loss to the Indians.

And the Mariners’ Star Wars Night featured third baseman Kyle Seager on the Hans Solo bobblehead?

Pass the Allen wrench

Scientists in Singapore created a robot that can put together an Ikea chair in roughly 20 minutes.

So now it’s on even tougher challenges, like assembling a roster for the Cincinnati Reds.

Quote marks

• Utah football coach Kyle Whittingham, when reporters asked if he got a thank-you card from Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott after the Utes provided the “1” in the conference’s 1-8 bowl record last season: “I’m sure it’s in the mail.”

• New Raiders coach Jon Gruden, to reporters, on critics who panned him for using first- and third-round draft picks on offensive tackles: “We’re not playing seven-on-seven here. We don’t get to count steamboats or three-Mississippi before they rush.”

• Eric Kolenich of the Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch, on the Winnipeg Jets being the last team alive with a shot at ending Canada’s 25-year Stanley Cup drought: “The Great White North Hope.”

• RJ Currie of, after Bleacher Report called the UFC heavyweight championship “the hardest title to keep”: “For my money it’s world’s oldest man.”

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on QB Tom Brady says he’s taking The Fifth when asked if he feels the Patriots appreciate him: “What does he want, his $14 million paycheck gift-wrapped and scented with perfume?”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on the Colorado man who survived bites by a rattlesnake, a bear and a shark in a four-year period: “My advice to him is to avoid the Westminster Dog Show at all costs.”

• Former Chiefs RB Larry Johnson, via Twitter, after the team notified him that he still hadn’t cashed a check for $1,238.11 issued in 2010: “This is a first. … I’ve never gotten a letter from an ex before telling me I left money at their house.”

• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on the dream that awoke him in a cold sweat: “I was the sideline reporter at a pantomime competition.”

Stat of the Week

From’s John Breech: If Larry Johnson had cashed that check eight years ago and put it all toward Amazon stock, it would now be worth $14,408.