Here’s what some of the biggest sports stars are giving away for Halloween.
After Marshawn Lynch’s inexplicable dash off the sideline that earned him a very explicable ejection, think the Raiders RB might be giving away Airheads instead of Skittles for Halloween this year?
Some other can’t-miss delights on the trick-or-treat trail:
• Texans DT J.J. Watt: Big Hunk
• Oregon benefactor Phil Knight: Sugar Daddy
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• Zany ex-NBAer Dennis Rodman: Mars bar
• Hirsute Dodgers 3B Justin Turner: Mountain bar
• Ex-Jets QB Joe Namath: Hershey’s Kisses
• At TheKicker.com: “Adam Silver approves huge order for Warriors vs. Cavaliers 2018 NBA Finals shirts.”
• At TheOnion.com: “MLB warns home-run hitters league almost out of balls.”
Alex Rodriguez experienced a midlife epiphany and said that PEDs cost him $40 million and a chance at the Hall of Fame.
It’s all right there in this week’s issue of Well, Duh magazine.
Fact of the Week
Thursday, Oct. 19 marked just the 17th time that the Big Four of pro sports leagues — MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL — all played games on the same day. The first was on Oct. 17, 1971.
Going, going, gone
Ken Griffey Jr. — or rather, the bronze statue of the Mariners Hall of Famer outside Safeco Field — lost virtually all of his bat when a vandal tore it off right above his hands.
What, you’ve never heard of a hitter getting sawed off before?
Nike officials are investigating why the back of LeBron James’ jersey split down the middle during Tuesday night’s season opener.
Basketball purists suspect a seamstress made a bad back cut.
Pass the cupcakes
The Phoenix Suns absorbed the worst opening-game loss in NBA history — by 48 points — when Portland pasted them 124-76 on Wednesday night.
On the bright side, the Suns were immediately declared an honorary college-football cupcake.
Occidental College, after forfeiting two football games in an 0-3 start because of a player shortage, announced it has canceled the rest of the season.
“Hey, we’d be up for that,” said the Cleveland Browns.
Talking the talk
• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after a California woman blasted American Airlines for refusing to let her check her curling gear as sports equipment: “To which most people are saying: Have to go with the airline on that one.”
• Dodger fan Keith Hupp, 54, to AP, on how he managed to nab two home-run balls in four days during the NLCS: “I’m old, I’ve got gray hair and a bum shoulder. I do have a good glove.”
The Oakland Raiders got two extra chances after time expired and shocked the Kansas City Chiefs on the game’s final play Thursday night.
“Yeah, what’s so unusual about that?” asked a ref from the 1972 gold-medal basketball game.
Long and short of it
The Milwaukee Marathon course — discovered to be a 10th of a mile too long in 2016 after vandals moved some marking cones — was laid out seven-tenths of a mile too short this year.
Marathon organizers, vowing to get it just right next year, just put Goldilocks on the payroll.
Thrown for a loss
Asking prices for Packers tickets have dropped 50 percent and Green Bay-area businesses expect a 15-20 percent drop in revenue since QB Aaron Rodgers broke his collarbone last Sunday.
And State Farm is down to just a Discount Single-Check.
• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, after the probe into North Carolina uncovered an academic scandal but resulted in no sanctions: “The NCAA has been reduced to an organization good at one thing — staging March Madness.”
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on a sure sign these football protests are getting out of hand: “Fantasy football players kneeling for the national anthem in your mom’s basement, just stop.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after Joel Embiid said he’s unhappy that the 76ers plan to restrict his minutes early in the season: “He feels he’s healthy and ready to be injured again.”
• ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, on Vegas oddsmakers giving New York’s NBA teams 1,000-1 odds to win the title: “Which means if you were to bet $100 on the Knicks or Nets you would lose $100.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, dashing any hopes for a George Foreman-Steven Seagal fight: “They both tested positive for Geritol.”