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Sideline Chatter

Guess you can add the San Antonio Spurs to death and taxes on the list of life’s certainties.

Said new Warriors coach Steve Kerr, after losing 113-100 to the Spurs: “Look, I retired 12 years ago, and the same three players and the same coach are still over there. It’s insane.”

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “Derrick Rose leaves game with a leg injury (this is a repeat from yesterday, the day before that, and pretty much every day for the last three years).”

• At TheOnion.com: “Report: 98% of NFL team leaders need to step up.”

Thanks but no spanks

Suspended Vikings star Adrian Peterson refused to appear Friday at an NFL disciplinary hearing, ESPN reported.

Apparently he heard that league eye-for-an-eye advocates were heading out back to cut up a switch.

Food fight

With last week’s reports of watered-down beer being sold at NFL games in Seattle and unsanitary conditions at stadiums in Kansas City, if any sporting event ever called for one of those silly governors’ bets, Sunday’s Seahawks-Chiefs game is it.

Tweet of the Week

Serena Williams, when asked why she didn’t join fellow tennis star Caroline Wozniacki and run in the New York City Marathon: “My ass is too big.”

Forget Paul Drake

“If I’m ever accused of wrongdoing,” wrote Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, “I want Florida State and FIFA to investigate.”

Talko time

• CBS’s David Letterman, on New York City’s new drug policy. “You can now walk around smoking weed, and all they’re going to do is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.”

• Blogger TC Chong, after Charles Barkley vowed not to eat again until the winless Lakers won a game: “I bet he wouldn’t dare try that with the Oakland Raiders.”

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, on Taima the Seahawk mascot landing on a Seattle fan’s head: “Personal fowl.”

• Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel, on Nik Wallenda’s death-defying tightrope walks high above the streets of Chicago: “For his next trick, he’ll try to walk through the Soldier Field parking lot wearing a Jay Cutler jersey.”

Proverbial gap hand

Jose Canseco tweeted that his reattached middle finger — the one he shot off Oct. 28 while cleaning his gun — fell off in a Las Vegas poker room.

Now that’s what you call getting stuck with a bad hand.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com