The late Marvelous Marvin Hagler didn’t need his fists to land a good jab.
In 1985, when Thomas Hearns opened a cut above Hagler’s eye during their celebrated middleweight fight, referee Richard Steele called time to check it out, and this ensued:
Steele: “Marvin, can you see?”
Hagler: “I ain’t missing him, am I?”
• Twitter meme by Patriots receiver Julian Edelman, after his team signed Johnnu Smith and Hunter Henry: “Boston TE party.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Report: Most NFL teams just 1 or 2 overpriced free agents away from Super Bowl victory.”
Richmond 76, Toledo 66.
Just one game in, and there went our NIT office bracket!
Hold the hankie
Are you a college athlete in need of some parting words as you enter the transfer portal? Here’s a primer:
[1-2] “I can’t thank coaches (insert names here) enough, for helping me grow as a person as well as a (insert sport here) player …
 … I’ll always consider myself a part of (insert mascot here) Nation …
 … and will forever look back with fondness on my days at (insert college name here) as I move on to Greener Pastures U.”
Flunking the eye test
UFC fighter Leon Edwards, in a scene right out of the Three Stooges, got DQ’d from the main event of Fight Night in Las Vegas for poking Belal Muhammad in the eye.
Old college try
The NCAA is challenging a group of Virginia urologists for using the term “Vasectomy Mayhem,” claiming it might “result in confusion” with the college organization’s March Madness nickname.
To which we say, if you don’t recognize the vas deferens — er, difference — you probably don’t have any business buying basketball tickets.
And, scanning the transactions wire …
Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez: headed for free agency one day, exercising their mutual option the next.
Left, to be precise
Tigerleg has supplanted dogleg as the more currently discussed golf term.
Heard this one before?
Emmanuel Henderson, the top running back in the 2022 recruiting class, has committed to Alabama.
So who says things aren’t getting back to normal?
Talking the talk
• David Whitley of the Gainesville (Fla.) Sun, on Terry Bradshaw — way back in 1985 — checking into a hospital using the alias Tom Brady: “How different would NFL history have been if Bradshaw had checked in under the name Ryan Leaf?”
• Comedian Argus Hamilton, via Facebook, on the Rover’s search for water on Mars: “They should’ve sent me there with my golf clubs. I’d have found water by my third tee shot.”
• Janie McCauley of The Associated Press, on Warriors star Klay Thompson taking up swimming in chilly San Francisco Bay as part of his Achilles-tendon rehab: “Truly a Splash Brother now.”
Green Bay cornerback Tramon Williams, who wore jersey No. 38, announced his NFL retirement on his 38th birthday.
The Packers are already kicking themselves for not issuing him No. 99.
• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on QB Kevin Glenn having played for every CFL team since joining the league in 2001, including Saskatchewan three times and Winnipeg twice: “If Kevin Glenn has not yet been named Man of the Year by Royal Canadian Van Lines, he certainly should be.”
• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, on Nebraska’s new school record in the 60-meter dash: “Set by (AD) Bill Moos, trying to get away from reporters asking why he’s afraid to play Oklahoma.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on Meghan Markle’s claim that she never Googled Prince Harry, pre-nuptials: “In fact, she thought she was marrying Carson Wentz.”
• Gary Bachman, via Facebook, after a video went viral of a 12-year-old girl clocked running at 17 mph: “She heard her mom yell to do her chores.”
• Color commentator Ray Hudson of beIN Sports TV, after Barcelona’s Lionel Messi put on a one-man show to score against SD Huesca: “He needs help like a shark needs a dentist.”
He earned it
Mets shortstop Luis Guillorme, down 0-2 in the count against Cardinals righty Jordan Hicks in a Grapefruit League game, drew a 22-pitch walk — fouling off Hicks’ final 16 strikes.
And 10 of the pitches Guillorme saw were clocked at 99 mph or faster.
Quote, end quote
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the insanity of filling out an NCAA bracket: “A couple days to guess at teams we’ve never watched play and cannot name a single player on, but we’re about to get passionately involved in their winning and losing.”
• Blogger Chad Picasner, on NCAA tournament announcers’ clichés such as “He’s good off the bounce” and “He can score from anywhere”: “There are more, and you’ll know them all by Saturday night.”
• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune: “We concern ourselves with the money athletes make. The video game Grand Theft Auto II has made $6 billion.”
• Bob Ryan of The Boston Globe, via Twitter, on the death of middleweight icon Marvelous Marvin Hagler: “At his championship peak, he was Boston’s fifth major sports franchise all by himself.”