Has 2020 left you feeling like you’re stuck in reverse? For Aaron Yoder, that’s a good thing.
The 35-year-old track and cross-country coach at Kansas’ Bethany College broke his own world record in the backward mile — also known as “retrorunning” — clocking in at exactly 5½ minutes. He’s reduced the mark from 5:54 in 2015 to 5:51 in 2019, and has no, ahem, backup plans to stop now.
As Yoder told Runner’s World magazine, “If the griddle is hot, I need to keep on cooking.”
• At Fark.com: “With Joe Burrow out for the season and no other viable quarterbacks available, if Colin Kaepernick’s phone doesn’t ring now it never will. Spoiler alert: It never will.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Tommy Tuberville slammed for using free car, Auburn cheerleaders to recruit 5-star Senate intern.”
Pack and roll
Veteran NBA forward Trevor Ariza got traded from Portland to Houston to Detroit to Oklahoma City in three separate deals in barely two days after this year’s draft.
The Thunder is listing Ariza as day-to-day with severe jet lag.
The worst dish served up each Thanksgiving Day is:
c) the Detroit Lions
Never on Thursday
Just come right out and say it, Baltimore Ravens: You really don’t want America to have Thursday Night Football.
Don’t pass the beer
Eastern Market Brewing Co. has stopped sales and production of “Same Old Lager” after Lions legend Barry Sanders — pictured on the can in team colors without his consent — threatened to sue.
Apparently it was a little too Lions: It went flat the minute you opened the can.
Tweet of the Week
“Breaking: Professional sports fall into disarray as concerns mount over whether losing teams will concede to winning ones despite what the scoreboard says.” — George Takei (Mr. Sulu on TV’s original “Star Trek”)
Your serve, Peyton
Tom Brady included “Red Panty” among his audible calls during Monday’s loss to the Rams.
Not sure what it means, but it certainly beats the heck out of “Omaha.”
Talking the talk
• Charles Barkley, via Twitter, after he and golfing partner Phil Mickelson took a three-hole lead into the turn in their celebrated TV match against Peyton Manning and Steph Curry: “Call (CNN’s) Jeff Zucker and (Turner Sports’) Craig Barry and tell them to get some of those ‘Law and Order’ reruns ready, in about five more holes.”
• New Mets owner Steven Cohen, via Twitter, when asked if he’d rip a Picasso painting in half in exchange for a World Series ring: “Can it be an inexpensive one?”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, no fan of byes during the NFL season: “The worst idea since sliced bread, sliced the long way.”
• Cowboys coach Mike McCarthy, to NFL Network, on smashing watermelons with a sledgehammer a la Gallagher to fire up his team before its upset win over the Vikings: “We had to bring our own watermelons. It’s hard to find watermelons this time of year in Minneapolis.”
Injury of the Week
Steelers receiver JuJu Smith-Schuster came up limping after he stepped on a penalty flag while coming off the field.
Ever see a ref get flagged for a personal foul?
• Saints QB Drew Brees, to reporters, on how 11 cracked ribs and a collapsed lung have affected his home life: “The kids can’t jump on me like they usually do. … But I can still play Barbies and paint fingernails with my daughter.”
• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the sad state of Seminoles football: “Fun fact: Since 2016, Florida State has had more NBA first-rounders (5) than NFL first-rounders (3).”
• Barry Mano, president of the National Association of Sports Officials, sensing fans will take it easier on basketball refs this season: “You can get back to yelling at us once the pandemic clears up.”
• Ryan Brown of Birmingham’s WJOX Radio, via Twitter, on the hapless Cornhuskers: “We’ll tell our kids how good Nebraska once was like our dad told us about Army and Navy.”
• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on a Belgian racing pigeon named New Kim selling for a record $1.9 million: “If I owned a pigeon, I believe I would name it Clay.”
Quote, end quote
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter, on the upcoming bout pairing Roy Jones Jr., 51, and Mike Tyson, 54: “ This will be the first fight where, between rounds, both boxers spit out their mouth guards and their dentures at the same time.”
• Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun, on the White Sox rehiring manager Tony LaRussa fresh off a DUI: “The original LaRussa hiring was described as LaRussa 2.0 in Chicago. Now it’s being called LaRussa 0.08.”
• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, sizing up the Nov. 22 Packers-Colts game: “Bettors love that the Colts are well-rested. I was well-rested before my second marriage, and it didn’t help.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after a Gallup poll revealed that Sunday is the day people spend the most time doing things they aren’t good at: “Especially if you’re a New York Jet.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Alabama coach Nick Saban testing positive again and 19 more games getting canceled: “Wouldn’t it be simpler to write ’COVID-19‘ on the College Football 2020 Trophy and be done with it?”