Police in Kiel, Germany, are trying to find a naked cyclist who was exceeding the posted speed limit.
Looks like it’s bare-hunting season in Germany.
Police in the northern city of Kiel are trying to track down a naked cyclist who was clocked by a speed camera going an impressive 29 mph — more than 10 mph over the posted speed limit — just before midnight on a Saturday night, Deutsche Welle reports.
• At Fark.com: “Baseball player catches heat for old tweets. Not a repeat from … wait, how many of these have we done now?”
• At TheOnion.com: “NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL team owners vote to unionize.”
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Two brothers in New Jersey uncovered five rare Mickey Mantle baseball cards.
Even better, they didn’t find them clipped next to the spokes on their old bicycle.
Hat’s in the ring
So what’s next, The Undertaker running for county coroner?
Glenn Jacobs — better known as rassler Kane of WWE fame — has been elected mayor of Knox County, Tenn.
Coincidence? He won by a margin of a best two-out-of-three votes.
A man and two women are on the loose in Silver Spring, Md., after they stole an $80 wig from a store.
Police profilers describe the suspects as huge fans of artificial turf.
Tweeter Dumb Dept.
Sean Newcomb and Trea Turner have joined Josh Hader as MLB players who’ve had years-old offensive tweets suddenly revisited.
Just guessing they’re no longer big fans of instant replay.
He’s kicking himself
MLS and Juventus played to a 1-1 tie in this year’s MLS All-Star Game — before Juventus won on penalty kicks.
“Now why couldn’t I think of that?” moaned Bud Selig.
“You get tired of watching the highlights on MLB and ESPN,” baseball pariah Pete Rose told USA Today. “Every hit is a home run.”
On the other hand, you’d think a betting man like Pete would appreciate a good longshot.
Paging Carly Simon
The Baseball Hall of Fame is about to open an exhibit featuring the Senators catcher who secretly worked for the Office of Strategic Services during World War II, to be called “Moe Berg: Big League Spy.”
We would’ve guessed “The Spy Who Gloved Me.”
Talking the talk
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, after drug-troubled QB Todd Marinovich showed up for the Raiders’ alumni weekend: “Dressed?”
• NBC’s Seth Meyers, on the Nationals’ 25-4 beatdown of the Mets: “It was so bad that even the ceremonial first pitch was hit for a triple.”
The heat is on
Death Valley, Calif., recorded the hottest month on record, with an average of 108 degrees in July.
Though Urban Meyer’s seat at Ohio State is already threatening to break it.
Latest sign that the Apocalypse might be looming: Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi polled his radio-show listeners on whether Florida football coach Dan Mullen should allow his players to own assault rifles.
ESPN’s Bill Barnwell offered up the six NFL teams most likely to improve their records this season.
And like a free square in Bingo, we’ll offer up the first one: the 0-16 Browns.
• Adam Bacon, to MontanaSports.com, on the secret to competing in the first-ever Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying Championship as an 11th-hour entry: “Someone Googled how to get over the hurdles, how to carry, so we went behind the bleachers and practiced, and I didn’t break her.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after Ravens rookie QB Lamar Jackson got clocked near the sideline in the Hall of Fame Game: “He was hit so hard it knocked both the chips off his shoulders.”
• South Carolina football coach Will Muschamp, on the 27 different majors being represented on his roster: “That’s impressive. I worked at some institutions in this league that had about two.”
• Ex-QB Jay Cutler, in a teaser for his wife Kristin’s “Very Cavallari” TV series on E!, on the secret to raising chickens: “Feed them, water them … it can’t be that hard. It’s got to be easier than raising kids.”
• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, on Big Ten football media days: “Rutgers is up at the podium, so everybody breaks for lunch.”
• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, on Stanford star RB Bryce Love skipping the Pac-12’s media day because of academics: “Ute fans are already telling him, ‘Don’t forget the Oct. 6 Stanford-Utah game will be during midterms!’ ”
Ex-Michigan QB Wilton Speight, now at UCLA, told Bleacher Report that Wolverines coach Jim Harbaugh admonished him not to eat chicken “because it’s a nervous bird.”
Harbaugh, we assume, did invite him over at Thanksgiving for a nice eagle dinner.
Five-star basketball recruit D.J. Jeffries has decommitted from Kentucky.
In other words, none-and-done.
Quote, end quote
• Daniel Brown of the San Jose Mercury News, via Twitter, after Ken Griffey Jr., Jim Thome, Cal Ripken Jr., Chipper Jones, Frank Thomas and Dave Winfield dined together during Hall of Fame weekend: “What do you figure they had? Taters? Bangers and mash? Rib-eyes?”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the Nationals scored 25 runs and the Dodgers 21 in the same week: “Did someone start the NFL season early and not tell us?”
• Bob Molinaro in the Hampton Roads Virginian-Pilot, on all the buzz over 41-year-old QB Tom Brady’s strict diet and workout regimen: “He’s got nothing on Mick Jagger. One of the guests at his recent 75th birthday party was his 19-month-old son.”
• Orioles GM Dan Duquette, on totally stripping down his woeful team’s roster: “It’s easier to demolish the entire house and rebuild from the ground up rather than renovating one room at a time.”
• New Nebraska football coach Scott Frost, to reporters, on his team’s wide-open QB competition: “Have you ever played Monopoly? … Everybody’s on Go right now.”
• James Corden, on “The Shop,” LeBron James’ new HBO talk show: “Apparently, (it’s) going to be him and four random guests you may or may not have heard of. You know, like when he plays basketball.”
• Hall of Fame QB Joe Montana, during his eulogy for receiver Dwight “The Catch” Clark: “I’ll catch you on the other side.”