The first No. 16 seed to beat a No. 1 seed was a six-time NCAA chess champion from 2003-10.

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Don’t try dismissing Maryland Baltimore County — the lowly 16 seed that walloped top-ranked Virginia — as just a pawn in the NCAA game of life.

UMBC was a six-time National Collegiate Team Chess champion from 2003 to 2010.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “Cleveland Cavalier assistant coach to take leave of absence to look into chest pain and insomnia. Head coach LeBron James unavailable for comment.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Why is March Madness the only time we get to see good, old fashioned, fundamental gambling?”

Later, Sooners

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Trae Young, the national scoring leader as a freshman, is leaving Oklahoma to enter June’s NBA draft.

Or, as Faber College’s Bluto Blutarsky might have put it: “Seven months of college down the drain.”

Legion of Broom Dept.

Q: How can you tell that it’s a parade honoring a curling team?

A: The sweepers aren’t bringing up the rear.

It’s in the bag

Police in Aberdeen, Md., arrested former NBA player Glen “Big Baby” Davis on drug possession and distribution charges, claiming they found 126 grams of marijuana and $92,000 in cash in his:

a) briefcase

b) diaper bag

Political baseball

A provision in the new congressional spending bill would strip minor league players of their minimum-wage protection.

So there you have it, folks — the 2018 season’s first recorded squeeze play.

Political football

The Miami Dolphins signed veteran running back Frank Gore.

In keeping with Florida/Gore tradition, the front-office vote came down to dangling chads.

What’s shakin’?

Kentucky basketball players left the court after Thursday’s Sweet 16 loss without shaking the hands of their Kansas State counterparts.

In other words, done and none.

Upon further review …

Prosecutors declined to bring criminal charges against Bills receiver Zay Jones over an incident involving shattered glass doors and windows at a Los Angeles apartment building.

Apparently there wasn’t conclusive video evidence that he’d broken the pane.

Talking the talk

• Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, on septuagenarians Donald Trump and Joe Biden spoiling for some fisticuffs: “The big question: Will Betty White be the ring girl?”

• Maryland Baltimore County’s website, with a new meaning for UMBC: “University of a Million Brackets Crushed.”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on a sure sign your favorite NBA team might be trying to get a top draft pick: “They come onto the court wearing tank tops.”

He’s on the clock

For just $199.95, NFL fans, this can be yours from the Bradford Exchange: a “tribute wall clock” decked out in your favorite team’s logo and colors.

The Patriots model, we assume, features a miniature Gronk instead of a cuckoo bird.

More headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “UMBC sees spike in applications among total morons who only hear of universities through sports success.”

Silence to spare

Professional bowling, an ESPN staple since the network’s founding in 1979, is moving to Fox for a “multi-year, multi-platform” deal beginning in 2019.

Things got so quiet around the ESPN studios when the news was announced that you could’ve heard … nah, too easy.

Long walk spoiled

Adam Rolston of Northern Ireland golfed his away across Mongolia — 80 days, 1,200 miles and 20,094 strokes — to raise money for Laureus Sport for Good and the South African Golf Development Board, capping his journey by putting the ball in the 18th hole at Mt. Bogd Golf Club.

Now that’s what you call a charity drive.

Quote marks

• Ex-placekicker Fred Cox, 72, to Vikings.com, on being the Vikes’ all-time leading scorer in addition to being a chiropractor, businessman and inventor of the Nerf football: “When I was a young man my dad said about me, ‘You’re so lucky you’d fall into an outhouse and come out with a new suit.’ ”

• Brewers broadcaster Bob Uecker, 84, to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, on a bite from a brown recluse spider that required eight weeks of intense treatment: “The spider didn’t ‘recluse’ himself from biting me.”

• T.J. Auclair of PGA.com, on Adam Rolston’s golf marathon: “Put me down for a 20,094 on that hole.”

• Reader Ignatowski, to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, on the NCAA tournament’s odd sense of geography: “Boise, Idaho, hosted a game in the South Regional that featured a school from Buffalo.”

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on cornerback Richard Sherman now serving as his own agent: “Apparently it has something to do with preferring man-to-man over a zone.”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after Julia “Hurricane” Hawkins, 102, broke a world age-group record in the 60 meters: “The bad news is, afterwards she tested positive for Geritol.”

• Gary Bachman, via Facebook, on Cavs coach Tyronn Lue taking some time off for health reasons: “He’s reportedly suffering from LeBronchitis.”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after Arizona suffered one of the more embarrassing shellackings in recent NCAA tournament history: “Virginia: ‘Hold our beer.’ ”

• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, via Twitter, on how bad his NCAA bracket is doing: “I just learned that two of the schools in my Final Four dropped basketball 10 years ago.”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Oakland QB Derek Carr picking up Jordy Nelson at the airport and showing him the local sights: “Because Nelson signed with the Raiders, I assume Carr didn’t show him the Coliseum.”

• TBS’s Conan O’Brien, on the sense of accomplishment after running in the L.A. Marathon: “Nice to finally get from downtown Los Angeles to Santa Monica in less than four hours.”

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on this year’s March Madness: “Until last weekend, everyone thought UMBC was a bank.”