The seat of Providence coach Ed Cooley’s pants split apart during the Big East tournament championship game, so he used a large white towel to cover the damage.

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Talk about leaving the back door wide open.

The seat of Providence coach Ed Cooley’s pants split apart during the Big East tournament championship game, so he used a large white towel to cover the damage. When did he realize he was in trouble?

“When I sat down I felt the great breeze in the crack.”

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “Sam Bradford will sign with Arizona, citing the state’s top-notch hospitals and physical-therapy facilities.”

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• In the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot: “In March, when our basketball focus drifts from wiretaps to full-court traps.”

None-And-Done Dept.

The Pac-12 Conference — which went just 1-8 in football bowl games last season — followed that up with an 0-for-3 showing in this year’s NCAA basketball tournament.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, now the Washington Generals are threatening to sue for trademark infringement.

Adjust your brackets

Norway came in No. 1 in this year’s World Happiness Report — based on variables such as healthy life expectancy, absence of government corruption and generosity — while the U.S. fell from 14th to 18th.

On the bright side, at least we beat United Arab Emirates in the play-in game.

Sports quiz

When Lonzo Ball said, “He going to do the circus stuff — I’m not feeding into it,” the Lakers’ rookie guard was referring to:

a) the Nuggets’ Jamal Murray

b) Lonzo’s father, LaVar

He’s on the DL

Hall of Fame slugger Reggie Jackson took a tumble while taking a walk last week, requiring knee surgery.

Or as he’s now known in physical-therapy circles, Mr. Knocked-Over.

March Madness 101

Q: In a sham course, how can you tell if it’s a basketball player’s term project?

A: His basket is a three-man weave.

Norway, the sequel

A Norwegian musher, Joar Ulsom, just won this year’s Iditarod.

In other words, they scheduled a sled-dog race — and the 2018 Winter Olympics broke out again.

Unfair assistance

North Dakota has been ranked the drunkest state in the U.S.

But it was only No. 5 until Carson Wentz blew out his knee.

Porn free

The Kansas City Royals conducted a spring-training seminar called “Fight the New Drug,” warning about the dangers of pornography.

Players said they couldn’t comment because they won’t let them see the films.

Talking the talk

• Ex-Lakers great Kobe Bryant, to ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, when asked if he’ll try to add a Grammy to his Academy Award: “Know your limitations. I don’t even sound good in the shower.”

• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, not chagrined to lose an hour last weekend because of the biannual time change: “I got it back at work on Monday filling out my brackets.”

Two for the money

Memphis basketball coach Tubby Smith, fired after just two seasons, will get $9.7 million as a parting gift.

Tubby, we take it, is suddenly a huge proponent of two-and-done.

More headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “Teddy Bridgewater announces retirement: ‘I didn’t do all this rehab to play for the Jets.’ ”

• At Fark.com: “Tiger Woods is in the lead of a real live golf tournament. Welcome to 2008.”

Tweet of the Week

From Kent Somers of The Arizona Republic: “NFL free agency is just one big yard sale. Your junk is someone else’s treasure.”

Fall classic?

Rumored to be Kobe Bryant’s next Oscar-worthy short film: “Grayson Allen and Duke: a Trip Down Memory Lane.”

Quote marks

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on skips named Jones — Colleen and Jennifer — combining to evenly split 12 Canadian women’s curling titles: “If your name is Smith, forget about keeping up.”

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on Mattel’s line of 17 new Barbie dolls based on history-making women, such as Olympic gold-medal snowboarder Chloe Kim: “It’s called the Way Too Good for Ken Collection.”

• Mick White, via Facebook, on why it’s only fitting that ex-Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman signed with the 49ers: “He was their best receiver for the last 7 years.”

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on PED poster child Alex Rodriguez’s image rehab as a TV personality: “A-Rod is a good-looking, well-spoken guy who benefits from living in the United States of Amnesia.”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on alternate ways to speed up MLB games after players nixed a 20-second clock: “OK. How about a big loudspeaker next to the mound. After 20 seconds: ‘THROW THE DAMN BALL, MEAT!’ Speed up the game? Shoot relievers out of a bullpen cannon.”

• Blogger Chad Picasner, not impressed with MLB’s time-saving proposals: “I will repeat, the only thing they have to do to shorten games is KEEP THE HITTER IN THE BATTER’S BOX. There, was that so hard?”

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on why LeBron James saying he’s like a fine wine, getting better with age, is a bad analogy: “Old wines are usually found in the cellar.”

• Top NBA prospect Michael Porter Jr., to reporters, on Missouri losing in Porter’s long-awaited return from injury: “We beat Georgia when I didn’t play. We lost to them when I did. That doesn’t feel good.”

• Times reader Charlie Gay, on Richard Sherman’s Seattle exit: “If the Seahawks lose any more people back there in the defensive backfield, we’re going to have to start calling it The Legion of ‘Whom?’ ”

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on the arrival of March Madness: “Twelve hours a day of college basketball — or as sports fans call it, payback for ‘The Bachelor.’ ”

• NBC’s Seth Meyers, after the owner of a Greek soccer team, angry that a goal was disallowed, stormed onto the field packing a handgun: “So, long story short, soccer is now the official sport of the NRA.”

• Georgia basketball coach Mark Fox, to reporters, after his team overcame a 10-0 deficit in the SEC tournament to beat Missouri: “In life and in basketball, when the going gets tough, some people run for the hills, and other people try and climb them.” (Bonus points: He was fired two days later.)