This Splash Brother knows how to make a splash.

The Golden State Warriors’ Klay Thompson — out since June 29, 2019 rehabbing knee and then Achilles injuries — has been spending his time touring the Bay Area’s nooks and crannies in his recently purchased 37-foot fishing boat as he hopefully nears an NBA return.

“You can’t have a bad day when you’re on the boat,” the former Washington State star told The New York Times. “It’s been so good for my mental health.

“The ocean and free diving and spear fishing and boating bring me joy, second only to winning basketball games, really.”

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “The NFL has investigated all the emails, and found it was only Jon Gruden being racist and homophobic. Trust us. Pinky swear. Honest.”

• On the readerboard at the El Arroyo restaurant in Austin, Texas: “I wish I could drop off my body at the gym and pick it up when it’s ready.”

To the penalty box

The NHL suspended Sharks forward Evander Kane 21 games for using a fake COVID-vaccine card.

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Apparently someone in HR did some cross-checking.

Toothless in Seattle

Not that Seattleites have gone totally overboard on our new NHL team, the Kraken, but a lot of people are giving out Chiclets on Halloween.

On the flip side, any chance of finding any Rolo caramels in Pullman?

Replace your divot

Ex-NFL receiver Terrell Owens says he wants to become a professional bowler.

Two words bowling-alley operators never thought they’d hear: spike insurance.

Better not miss

The Washington Football Team cut kicker Dustin Hopkins and replaced him with a guy who hadn’t kicked in a game since college five years ago — Chris Blewitt.

That sound you heard was headline writers cheering wildly.

Check, please

The Southeastern Conference fined Tennessee $250,000 after fans, angry over a call, threw all sorts of debris on the field with 54 seconds to play, stopping play for 20 minutes.

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Disappointed UT officials had hoped to get off with just a retroactive delay-of-game penalty.

Cub 1, Cardinal 0

St. Louis pitching prospect Dalton Roach was bitten by a black bear while bow hunting in Wisconsin.

Cubs-Cardinals vitriol, it appears, knows no offseason.

Out pattern

Bears TE Jimmy Graham has been placed on the reserve/COVID-19 list.

If he has the virus, it’ll be just the second time he’s caught something this season.

Talking the talk

• Ex-Cowboys WR Dez Bryant, via Twitter, after Derrick Henry’s latest monster game: “Derrick Henry is the player we all created whenever we was younger on Madden. … Derrick Henry, you are a cheat code, bro!”

• Mark Whicker of The Orange County Register, via Twitter: “Congratulations to the first person who said Kyrie Irving finally found a shot he couldn’t take.”

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• Retired sportswriter Dave Kindred, on MLB announcing it will start paying for minor-leaguers’ housing next year: “Annie Savoy is heartbroken.”

Excessive celebration

Jaguars defensive end Dawuane Smoot, with the help of paramedics on the phone, delivered the couple’s second child in the living room of his home at 4 a.m.

And immediately ran to the end zone to mug for the TV cameras.

Quote marks

• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, after the Packers’ Mason Crosby was gifted four chances at a game-winning field against the Bengals: “If I had been given that many chances, I’d still be married to my first wife.”

• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, after the NFL declared it found no other improper emails among the 650,000 it investigated: “Football’s Warren Report. Gruden acted alone.”

• Ed Orgeron, to reporters, not worried on his future after getting forced out as LSU football coach with nearly $17 million still owed him: “I think I’ll have me enough money to buy a hamburger.”

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• Tim Hunter of Everett’s KRKO Radio, on a survey of 2,000 Americans revealing that men cry more than women: “Especially men who are also Detroit Lions fans.”

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, after Central Florida coach Gus Malzahn reported that his newborn grandson already has a UCF-branded football in his crib: “Hey, maybe Little Gus can get an NIL diaper deal!”

Grass is Greener Dept.

Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby said that Texas and Oklahoma bolting for the SEC “makes no sense.”

Put another way, it makes perfect $en$e.

Quote, end quote

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on outrage over the Astros’ sign-stealing scandal: “New Yorkers, I predict, will develop a serious case of amnesia when the Yankees back up the Brink’s truck for Houston shortstop Carlos Correa, the year’s hottest free agent.”

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on the American College of Physicians and Surgeons fearing their warnings about obesity are being ignored: “The problem for Americans is they don’t trust any college that doesn’t have a football team.”

• Comedian Dana Goldberg, on Twitter, on why the Jets should sign tweeting singer Travis Tritt: “He’s blocked more people today than their offensive line has all season.”

• Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin, to reporters, on angry Tennessee fans littering the field: “I still have my souvenir golf ball. I also got hit with bottles with some brown stuff in them. I don’t think those fans would waste moonshine.”