Baby, it’s cold inside, too.
The Clippers hit only 4 of 33 three-point attempts — and trailed by an NBA-record 50 points at halftime, 77-27 — in a 124-73 home loss to the Mavericks on Dec. 27.
• At @NOTSportsCenter: “Report: Kyle Trask decided to play in the Cotton Bowl so he could sabotage his draft stock enough to make absolutely sure the Jets wouldn’t be interested in him.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Report: 750,000 Americans die each year during first attempt to get back in shape.”
Steph Curry was filmed hitting 100 consecutive three-point shots during a recent practice.
Curry, it goes without saying, does not play for the Clippers.
Lost in the Christmas Day frenzy: The Saints’ Alvin Kamara broke the NFL record for most touchdowns scored by a guy wearing one red shoe and one green one.
Wisconsin QB Graham Mertz — while dancing with the Duke’s Mayo Bowl crystal trophy after the Badgers’ 42-28 win over Wake Forest — fumbled it onto the locker-room floor, shattering it into hundreds of pieces.
No need to tell this to Mertz when the replacement bauble finally arrives: Don’t hold the Mayo.
Ford has a badder idea
Lions DB Mike Ford got penalized for taunting after teammate Jamal Agnew’s 74-yard punt return cut the Buccaneers’ lead to 40-7.
They had to rule it taunting, because there’s no such thing as 15 yards for stupidity.
The odds-on favorite to be named NFL Defensive Player of the Year this season is:
a) TJ Watt, Steelers
b) Aaron Donald, Rams
Tweet of the Week
“Ezekiel Elliott touchdowns all season: 5. Alvin Kamara touchdowns from 4:30-7:30 p.m. today: 6.” — @NFL_Memes, on Christmas
Paying the Bills
In addition to game tickets, parking and antifreeze, the 6,772 fans allowed in to watch the Bills’ first playoff game will be required to pay $63 for a COVID-19 test on the way in.
Make it an even $100, rumor has it, and they’ll even throw in a Dr. Fauci bobblehead.
Why do TV networks tout their blimp’s “aerial coverage” for football games played inside a domed stadium?
Color him poorer
The NFL fined Saints star Alvin Kamara $5,000 for wearing one red cleat and one green one in his six-TD game.
Leaving pundits to speculate whether it was $2,500 per shoe, or the green shoe put him in the red, or the red shoe cost him some green.
The Knicks’ Reggie Bullock was forced to switch jerseys in a game against the 76ers on Dec. 26 after officials discovered the one he was wearing had No. 25 on the front and No. 23 on the back.
Alas, Bullock scored just six points, costing him a once-in-a-lifetime triple-double.
Talking the talk
• David A. Smith, via Twitter, envisioning the spectacle of this year’s Rose Bowl being played in Texas: “I really hope we get a shot of the sunset over the Walmart in Arlington.”
• Jason Isbell, via Twitter, on the Seahawks’ QB: “Of course Russell Wilson is good — he’s named after two brands of football equipment.”
• Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, to reporters, on the cause of his team’s red-zone problems: “Us sucking.”
• @Tierno158, via Twitter: “I tossed a Nerf football around with the neighbor kid yesterday and inadvertently won the NFC East.”
Mississippi State and Tulsa football players scuffled before and brawled after the Bulldogs’ 28-26 win on Thursday.
In the fighters’ defense, though, it WAS the Armed Forces Bowl.
• Saints RB Alvin Kamara, to reporters, anticipating a uniform-violation fine from the NFL after wearing one red shoe and one green one on Dec. 25 in his six-TD game against the Vikings: “You know that the Grinch always tries to steal Christmas.”
• Fox commentator Troy Aikman, during Kamara’s big game: “Right now it’s Alvin Kamara 36, Vikings 33.”
• Times reporter Bob Condotta, via Twitter, after Aaron Rodgers’ 21-for-25, four-TD passing night in the snow against the Titans: “I’ve also concluded after tonight that Green Bay should draft a quarterback every year until Aaron Rodgers retires in 2037.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter: “Not sure how this happened, but my old company touch-football team has a chance to make it into the NFL playoffs as a wild card.”
Quote, end quote
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, with an eerie premonition that 2020 might not be finished messing with the world: “Colts could end up 11-5 and miss the playoffs. Giants could end up 6-10 and make the playoffs.”
• Clemson football coach Dabo Swinney, to reporters, on the resulting hubbub after ranking unbeaten Ohio State 11th on his coaches-poll ballot: “I could probably run for governor in Michigan and have a good chance.”
• Bob Molinaro, in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot: “You know what makes me laugh? People who think LeBron James, who turned 36 on Wednesday and is in his 18th NBA season, still has something to prove.”