New Raiders coach Tony Sparano, seeking to put the team’s 0-4 start in the past, buried a football at practice.
In the coffin corner, one assumes.
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• At SportsPickle.com: “NFL fines Tom Brady for good haircut due to league’s exclusive haircut deal with SportClips.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Report: More NFL stadiums cutting off fights after third quarter.”
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says his receivers “can’t run from” loquacious Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman.
“OK,” one wideout reportedly responded, “but can we at least stay out of earshot?”
Browns backup QB Johnny Manziel, who has a little experience in the matter, came out in support of suspended Georgia RB Todd Gurley.
The NCAA, out of habit, immediately suspended Manziel for the first half of the next Texas A&M game.
It’s a leg hit
Haven’t gotten your fill of Derek Jeter yet? His game-used socks can be yours for $409.99 — each.
Or as Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post put it: “That gives new meaning to the term “getting hosed’.”
You can steal it
Good news for college-football miscreants: The Heisman Trophy Trust has quietly removed the word “integrity” from its mission statement.
“It’s just as well,” wrote Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel. “We were running out of candidates to vote for anyway.”
• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after California Gov. Jerry Brown signed a law to ban plastic bags: “He assured Raider fans, however, that he won’t sign one banning paper bags.”
• Blogger Chad Picasner, after the Yankees fired first-base coach Mick Kelleher: “It’s not his fault that the Yanks didn’t get enough guys to first.”
• 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, to reporters, on 35-year-old defensive tackle Justin Smith: “A man everybody truly respects. Chuck Norris calls Justin Smith ‘sir.’ ”
• ESPN analyst Trent Dilfer, summoning his inner Yogi Berra: “You cannot lose games in the NFL and still win.”
• Hall of Famer Mark Messier, speaking at a 30-year gathering of the 1984 Stanley Cup-champion Edmonton Oilers: “I never finished high school, so this is my first actual reunion.”
So who’s complaining?
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un hasn’t been seen in public for six weeks now.
On the bright side, neither has Dennis Rodman.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org