Bidder up!

A baseball bat — a 34-inch, 36-ounce Bill Dickey model Louisville Slugger used by Lou Gehrig in 1938, his final full MLB season — drew 26 bids at SCP Auctions and sold this month for $715,120.

Or 23 times in raw dollars the $31,000 the Yankees paid Gehrig to play that year.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “White Sox’s Lance Lynn throws MLB’s first complete game of 2021. Analytics guys get the vapors and retreat to their fainting couches.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Blake Griffin delays practice once again to prove he can still dunk over Kia Optima.”

Trash talk

A fan in Anaheim threw an inflatable trash can onto the field during an Astros-Angels game.

Three players on the Houston bench immediately yelled, “Pitch-out!”

1, 2, Baddoo!

Further evidence that stat geeks have too much time on their hands: It was revealed that Tigers rookie Akil Baddoo just became the first player in MLB history to hit home runs in his first two career games while batting out of the ninth spot in the batting order.

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Somehow overlooked: by a left-handed hitter, at home, on natural turf, in day games.

Love is in the air

Tennis stars Elina Svitolina and Gael Monfils are engaged to be married.

So, in addition to the traditional 25th- and 50th-anniversary milestones, they also plan to make a big deal out of love-15, love-30 and love-40.

Sore loser

One Shining Moment it wasn’t.

A 61-year-old man in Silverdale, Wash. — reportedly high on LSD and angered by Gonzaga’s performance in the NCAA title game — went berserk, trashed his apartment and broke nine windows at his complex before police could arrest him, the Kitsap Sun reported.

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Least-surprising women’s basketball player to enter the NCAA transfer portal? That Oregon State guard with the surname of Goforth.

Just wondering

For pitchers’ stat purposes, that runner stationed on second base to start extra innings is considered an unearned run if he scores.

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So how long before numbers geeks demand an “unearned loss” stat, too?

Sticky situation?

MLB plans to take a look at a bunch of baseballs thrown by the Dodgers’ Trevor Bauer against the A’s last Wednesday for possible evidence of doctoring.

In other words, they’re going to check for GPA — Gaylord Perry Additives.

Talking the talk

• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on squeaky-clean Edmonton Oilers star Connor McDavid getting fined $5,000 for elbowing an opponent in the face: “I couldn’t have been more surprised had I found a copy of ‘Sinatra: The Rapper Years’ at my local vinyl store.”

• Ex-Colts punter Pat McAfee, via Twitter, putting a whole new spin on 3 over par: “I lost 11 balls in 8 holes to start my golf season today.”

• Hubert Davis, to reporters, on taking over as basketball coach at North Carolina: “I don’t feel pressure because I’m not comparing myself to anybody. Coach (Roy) Williams is the greatest. I’m Hubert.”

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Everybody’s leaving

Loyola-Chicago men’s basketball coach Porter Moser bolted for greener pastures at Oklahoma.

So what’s next — Sister Jean entering the transfer portal?

Quote marks

• Angels manager Joe Maddon, to reporters, after Mike Trout’s 444-foot homer at the Jays’ temporary home park in Dunedin, Fla., struck an elementary school beyond the left-field fence: “Luckily school was out for the evening. That one definitely had some flight attendants working on it.”

• Roy Williams, to reporters, on his Tar Heels coaching successor, Hubert Davis: “I will be here cheering. I won’t ever criticize you. I’ll blame it on the officials.”

• Chargers center Cory Linsley, to Chargers.com, on what it would be like to face ex-teammate and Packers QB Aaron Rodgers on “Jeopardy!”: “I’d be good at categories like Midwestern geography, grit, manual labor, manners. Aaron would win categories like golf, yachting, anything California. Met Gala attire …”

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on MLB moving its All-Star Game from Atlanta to Denver: “Over-under on the number of pitchers who will opt out for ‘personal reasons’?”

• Vic Vela of Colorado Public Radio, via Twitter: “NEWS: The Rockies have traded the All-Star Game to St. Louis along with 500 million cash.”

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Triple digits? No problem

Speaking of firsts, Angels phenom Shohei Ohtani threw seven pitches of 100-plus mph and added a 451-foot home run with a 100-plus mph exit velocity (115.2) in a 7-4 win over the White Sox.

Or, as the rare feat is now known, a double-triple.

Quote, end quote

• Blogger Chad Picasner, on Astros manager Dusty Baker getting piqued about his team still being booed on the road, two years after their sign-stealing scandal came to light: “It’s certainly not up to you to determine how long this will go on. It’s up to the fans and there are still 27 more stadiums you have to play in, so grit your teeth and take what you deserve.”

• Mets catcher James McCann, to reporters, on his team’s opening series getting postponed by COVID-19: “It’s like a kid on Christmas morning, looking forward to opening day, and having it taken away. The two words I would use are ‘tough’ and ‘strange.’ ”

• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, on the ridiculous speculation that the Masters — like MLB’s All-Star Game — could pull itself out of Georgia over the state’s new voting law: “If you’re waiting in line for golfers to boycott, bring some bottled water.”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter, reviewing his NCAA bracket: “The good news is I picked the Bulldogs and the Bears in my finals. The bad news is that I picked Georgia and Cal.”

• Ryan Brown of Birmingham, Alabama’s WJOX Radio, via Twitter, on the interminable delay to the start of the Baylor-Gonzaga title game: “At this pace, The One Shining Moment is literally going to be sunrise.”