Worth the paper it’s printed on? No kidding.

A 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle rookie card fetched $5.2 million at auction, ending fellow center fielder Mike Trout’s five-month reign ($3.94 million) as the highest-selling sports card of all time.

Headlines

• At Fark.com: “NHL announced that each division will have sponsor names this year. NFL expected to follow suit, starting with the Waste Management NFC East.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Nervous Browns fan still worried team going to blow 48-37 lead over Steelers from days ago.”

He’s ready to dish

James Harden is opening a restaurant in Houston — named “Thirteen” — on Jan. 22.

Seeing as he got traded to the Nets nine days prior, we presume all orders will have to be to go.

News alert

This just in: NBA rejects Nets’ desperate request to play games using three basketballs.

Advertising

What, no postgame tunnel?

NFL teams are required to provide three-dozen sliced oranges for visiting teams, The Athletic reported.

Players’ parents, however, are not allowed to accost coaches over their kids’ playing time.

Tweet of the Week

Seahawks’ Twitter calendar, from @DeryckG_ of @hawkblogger:

• Jan.-Feb.: Depressed at an early playoff exit, fire everyone

• March: They botched free agency

• April: They drafted who?

• May-July: This team is going to collapse

• Aug.: Build confidence, Schneider makes a trade

• Sept.-Dec.: They’re winning the Super Bowl

Checkbook, please

Lions RB Adrian Peterson has been ordered to pay $8.3 million to DeAngelo Vehicle Sales, LLC after defaulting on a $5.2 million loan in 2017.

Now that’s what you call getting thrown for a loss.

Old college try

The Jacksonville Jaguars have hired college-coaching icon Urban Meyer as their new head coach.

But no, he had to be told, you can’t sign 10 Alabama players to letters of intent.

Advertising

Wrong grand slam

Angel Cabrera, a past Masters/U.S. Open winner, was arrested in Brazil and awaits extradition to his native Argentina to face charges of assault, theft, illegal intimidation and disrespect to authorities.

Or, as Argentine prosecutors announced it: “Four!”

Talking the talk

• Michael Clair of MLB.com, on the late Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda’s run-in with mascots Youppi, Phillie Phanatic and San Diego Chicken: “Probably for the best that Lasorda never appeared on ‘Sesame Street.’ ”

• Tim Hunter of Everett’s KRKO Radio, after Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes gave his fiancée a new Lamborghini: “Somewhere, Jake from State Farm is saying, ‘Ka-Ching!’ ”

• Times reader Charlie Gay, on the apparent end of the “Let Russ Cook” movement in Seattle: “I hear the Seahawk quarterback just trademarked ‘At Least Let Russ Wash the Dishes.’ ”

Name game

One of the reasons U of Minnesota infielder Boston Merila got his unusual first name is that dad — current Padres scout Mark Merila — was the NL bullpen coach at the 1999 MLB All-Star Game at Fenway Park and liked the city’s name.

Just be glad pops never got a gig in Poughkeepsie.

Quote marks

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on the Nets’ new ball-hungry big three: “We will soon find out if James Harden, Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant learned their lessons about ‘sharing with others’ in kindergarten.”

Advertising

• Charles Barkey, on TNT’s “Inside the NBA,” on the same subject: “KD went from the Splash Brothers to the Dribble Brothers.”

• Wizards guard Bradley Beal, to reporters, on his team’s floundering start: “At this point, we can’t guard a parked car.”

• Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, to reporters, on his team’s 11-0 start and 1-5 finish: “We were a group that died on the vine.”

• The late Tommy Lasorda, to the L.A. Daily News, on his dieting legacy: “I’ve lost probably 2,000 pounds over the years and gained 2,030.”

Quote, end quote

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on Nick Saban’s latest Crimson Tide powerhouse: “Under the category of ‘if you blinked, you missed it,’ we learned Monday night that Alabama really did have a punter.”

• Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune: “I never would hire a head coach — anybody — via Zoom. It’s not the same as in-person. Plus, could be naked from the waist down.”

Sponsored

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the 6:40 p.m. EST playoff matchup between Tom Brady, 43, and Drew Brees, 42: “So a tough pregame decision for both QBs: Early Bird Special dinner — or nap?”

• Phil Mushnick of the New York Post, on the best thing about not being rich: “You’ll never have to write million-dollar checks to pay undeserving players on the team you own.”

• Blogger Chad Picasner, no fan of the “scoring the basketball” cliché: “I envision a guy with a knife cutting the basketball. The ball then becomes as useless as this term.”

• Bruce Penton of the Medicine Hat (Alberta) News, on the NHL playing during a pandemic: “A goalie mask takes on a whole new meaning this year.”