Brian Cashman get a respite from his job? Good luck with that.

As the Yankees GM did his annual rappel down the 22-story Landmark Building in Stamford, Conn., Cashman spotted this note taped to the inside of a 10th-floor window: “Please sign Gerrit Cole.”

Obit of the Week

For football fan John J. Ford, 86, in the Minneapolis Star Tribune: “Passed away surrounded by family on December 2nd after the Vikings allowed 17 unanswered points …”

No cold heat

Wausau, Wis., has passed an ordinance making it illegal to throw snowballs.

Baseball-crazed St. Louis, not to be outdone, plans to put its citizens on a pitch count.

Kiss that Ball goodbye

LaMelo Ball will be the No. 1 pick in the 2020 NBA draft, according to multiple mock drafts.


And, a part of a package deal, stage-daddy LaVar is expected to be named the lucky team’s area scout in Vladivostok.

Numbers game

Some suggested jersey-number switches:

• Phillies pitcher Zach Wheeler: 18

• Ravens QB Lamar Jackson: 5

• Pistons forward Louis King: XIV

Pass the Kleenex

Brad Pitt told Interview magazine that he cries more than he used to.

No truth to the rumor he just became a Bengals fan.

Them’s fighting words

Hidebound baseball traditionalists’ battle cry for the influx of sabermetrics: “Make LOB, not WAR.”

Well, except for that

A study says nightmares help prepare us for real anxiety-producing situations.

“Oh, yeah?” said Cowboys coach Jason Garrett.

Expensive exit

A Las Vegas hospital billed the parents $2,659 to pull a tiny doll’s shoe from their child’s nostril.


Imagine what it would cost to extract Antonio Brown’s foot from his mouth.

So there is a chance

Willie Nelson announced he’s going to quit smoking pot.

So see, you playoff-starved Mariners fans? Anything’s possible!

Air supply

Macy’s spends more than $500,000 to fill its Thanksgiving Day Parade floats with helium, according to

Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to simply let Dick Vitale blow them up?

Talking the talk

• Steelers center Maurkice Pouncey, to reporters, when asked if he got one of those “Free Pouncey” sweatshirts his teammates wore in support of him during his two-game suspension: “I got two. I sent one to my brother (Chargers center Mike), just in case he gets locked up.”

• Tim Hunter of KRKO Radio, on a study’s claims that drinking two glasses of wine or beer a day is more likely than exercise to help you live past 90: “I like studies.”

You’re … out!

Kamala Harris is out of the race before the campaign season even starts counting.


“Welcome to the club,” said the Detroit Tigers.

Quote marks

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, noting that the Old Dominion basketball team isn’t lacking for shooters: “What the Monarchs need are some makers.”

• Jim Barach of, on why the Wilpon family wants to unload 80% of its Mets ownership: “They want to cash out while the team is still better than the Marlins, Orioles and Tigers.”

• Rams coach Sean McVay, to reporters, on why RB Todd Gurley has been getting more touches in recent games: “Me not being an idiot.”

• Janice Hough of, on reports that a knee injury might prevent 46-year-old Adam Vinatieri from kicking again this season: “On a brighter note for Indy, at least Adam’s medical bills should be covered by Medicare.”

Not in the Cards

Arizona is the least charitable state in the U.S., according to the findings at

No wonder the Cardinals are the third-stingiest team in the NFL with just nine giveaways — six interceptions and three fumbles — in their first 12 games.



• At “Matthew Stafford admits he’d play through back injury for better team than Lions.”

• At “J-E-T-S spoil Bengals’ perfect season.”

Paging Patrick Henry

Give me UMass and Liberty, or give me death?

Those are the only teams that Power 5 member Rutgers (2-10) beat in football this season. The Knights scored an average of 46 points in their two wins, and averaged less than 7 in their 10 losses.

See No Evil Dept.

LeBron James dribbled upcourt against the Jazz, took two steps with the ball resting in his left hand, resumed dribbling — and no call was made.

If the NBA were the NFL, they’d take it to video review and determine there was no traveling or double-dribble violation.

Quote, end quote

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on Dallas’ lackluster showing in Thursday night’s 31-24 loss to the Bears: “There was better tackling than the Cowboys at most Walmarts on Black Friday.”

• Tweet from @SportsPickle: “I think Alabama may have misunderstood the idea behind #TankForTua.”

• @Bruinalytics, when the San Jose Mercury News asked its readers to name the Pac-12’s most heated football rivalry: “Fans-Refs.”