And the youngest fan in baseball history is …
The one pictured on a cardboard cutout seated down the third-base line at Cincinnati’s Great American Ballpark — an ultrasound of Adam and Kayleigh Nemo’s pending first child — courtesy of Adam’s brother Aaron.
“I wish I could say my heart was in an amazing place from the beginning and I was just there to do something very sweet,” the Reds fan told Cincy’s WXIX-TV of the unusual baby reveal, “but I kind of wanted to do something weird.”
• At Fark.com: “Big Ten announces that Michigan will not lose to OSU in football this year.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Cardboard fan in stable condition after being hit by foul ball.”
Long Trout season
If the Angels’ Mike Trout — who’s hit a home run on his 21st, 22nd, 24th, 26th and 29th birthdays — played a whole season based on just what he’s done every Aug. 7, he would finish with a .321 batting average, 116 home runs and 162 RBI.
Well, maybe. He’d also be at least 184 years old by the time game 162 rolled around.
Seattle cut Kemah Siverand after the rookie cornerback was caught on video trying to sneak a woman — dressed in Seahawk players’ gear — into the NFL team’s hotel.
That’s what you call disguising your coverage.
Just have to ask: Which Cardinals team will play the most games this season — Arizona or St. Louis?
Black & Blue Jacket
Columbus goaltender Joonas Korpisalo made an NHL playoff-record 85 saves in the Blue Jackets’ 5-OT loss to Tampa Bay.
Don’t know who’ll win the Hart, Norris or Lady Byng this season, but feel free to start engraving the Tex Cobb Trophy.
Bars for the course
Some 432 players are registered — and another 88 are on a waitlist — for the third annual Inparcerated, a disk-golf tournament staged Sept. 26-27 within the walls of the Old Joliet (Ill.) Prison.
Quickie course report: Staying inbounds is a lot easier than avoiding the bunkers.
Cut those emissions
Referees working NBA and WNBA games amid the coronavirus are using whistles specially designed to contain the zebras’ spittle.
It’s believed to be the first athletic-safety measure ever endorsed by Ralph Nader.
Who better suited to be the White Sox’s stopper than righty Dylan Cease?
Walid Yari, 34, a United Arab Emirates bodybuilder, broke a Guinness World Record by completing 33 side-jump pushups in 1 minute.
Or, to put it in couch-potato terms: Roughly the time it takes to find the TV remote.
Dodger Stadium will serve as a vote center for the upcoming presidential election.
Though seeing Trump and Biden’s names on repurposed All-Star ballots might take some getting used to.
Hazards of the job
Argentina’s Segundo Oliva Pinto lost his round-of-16 match on the 18th hole at the U.S. amateur after his caddie brushed the sand in a bunker to test it — violating USGA Rule 12.2b.
On the bright side, we see a kitty-litter endorsement in his future.
Talking the talk
• Dr. Carlos Del Rio of the Infectious Diseases Society of America, to reporters, on college conferences shutting down their fall seasons: “We have hit the iceberg, and we are making decisions about when we should have the band play.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on a recent earthquake in Southern California: “It was so strong it actually shook somebody into the L.A. Chargers’ gift shop.”
• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on the Indians mulling a nickname change: “I hear ‘Cleveland Baseball Team’ is still available.”
Seahawks QB Russell Wilson says he taught speedy second-year wideout DK Metcalf to swim this summer.
The 100-yard fly, we presume.
• Dan Daly of @DanDalyOnSports, on Indians pitcher Zach Plesac violating health and safety protocols by leaving the team hotel in Chicago and going out with friends: “You’d think a sport that’s so big on Unwritten Rules would do a better job of following written ones.”
• Blogger Chad Picasner, after Katie Ledecky swam the length of a pool with a glass of chocolate milk on her head: “Las Vegas pool waitresses are complaining: ‘Great! Now they’ll expect us to do that.’”
• Twins GM Thad Levine, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on DH Nelson Cruz once again defying Father Time in his age-40 season: “We need to pull a molar and check the rings to see how old he really is.”
• Phil Mushnick of the New York Post, on hitters still swinging for the fences instead of playing small ball with MLB’s new runner-on-second rule for extra innings: ”You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him bunt.”
The suite life
A homeless man lived for nearly two weeks in a luxury suite at Tampa’s Al Lang Stadium — home of the baseball Rays and soccer Rowdies — before being discovered, police said.
To no one’s surprise, they turned down his request for extra innings or added time.
Quote, end quote
• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, on the Mid-American Conference shutdown: “If you built your life around MAC football this is going to be a disappointing fall. Actually, if you’ve built your life around MAC you’re probably used to disappointment in life.”
• Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, after Mississippi Gov. Tate Reeves ordered a statewide mask-wearing mandate because “I want to watch college football”: “Love a politician who believes in science.”
• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson spearheading a group that purchased the XFL: “Apparently their next buy will be deck seats on the Titanic.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Zach Plesac breaking quarantine: “Even Nuke Laloosh would think that was stupid.”
• Tim Hunter of Everett’s KRKO Radio, on yet another COVID-19 victim in 2020 — Pac-12 and Big Ten football: “I’m waiting for the leaves to announce they’re not turning color this year.”