Eat your heart out, Wonderboy.
The bat Babe Ruth used to club his 500th career home run fetched $1 million on the auction block.
Ruth — in his 21 MLB seasons combined — got paid $856,850.
• At TheOnion.com: “Patriots claim unsanctioned recording was only for project Julian Edelman working on for filmmaking class.”
• At @SportsPickle: “The XFL should just be the NFC East and AFC South.”
Beyond a red card
Ex-Montana women’s soccer coach Mark Plakorus — fired after text messages to Las Vegas escort services during recruiting visits there were discovered on his university-issued cellphone — had his defamation suit dismissed by a district-court judge.
Well, there went his shot at a clean sheet
Ex-Steelers/Raiders/Patriots wide receiver Antonio Brown was Google’s most-searched person in the U.S. for 2019.
Mostly from people trying to remember which, if any, team he was currently playing for.
Utah State baggies
Three Utah State football players — including starting QB Jordan Love — were cleared to play in the Tropical Smoothie Cafe Frisco Bowl despite being charged with marijuana possession.
Which was only fair. The game, after all, was played on grass.
Don’t look, ma
Cowboys receivers led the NFL with 25 dropped passes through Week 15.
Good luck trying to field a hands team in Dallas.
Fire engines rushed to the scene as smoke was spotted billowing from the roof of the Texas Rangers’ new Globe Life Field, set to open next season.
Apparently a hot stove overheated during offseason trade talks.
A “smart toilet” that analyzes urine?
Four out of five drug-sample collectors recommend it.
What’s up with Jerry
Jerry Dipoto, the Mariners’ deal-happy GM, failed to execute a single trade or sign a free agent during this month’s baseball winter meetings.
Obviously shaken MLB officials skipped the concussion protocol and fast-tracked Dipoto right onto the seven-day disabled list.
The PGA Tour pulled Kessler Karain off Patrick Reed’s bag for the final session of the Presidents Cup after the caddie got into an altercation with a heckling fan.
Or as golf apologists tried to spin it, Reed was forced to take a costly drop.
Have arm, will travel
LSU’s Joe Burrow won this year’s Heisman Trophy, making him the third straight senior-transfer QB to win it.
No truth to the rumor that U-Haul plans to start sponsoring it.
Talking the talk
• Jaguars QB Gardner Minshew, to reporters, after ruining the Raiders’ last game in Oakland for Black Hole fans: “An awesome experience … I saw more middle fingers today than I have my whole life.”
• Justin Rogers of The Detroit News, via Twitter, on the plight of the local NFL squad: ”Two presidents have been impeached since the Lions last won the division.”
• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on continuing cheating revelations: “I’m waiting for the story that accuses the Patriots of stealing signs for the Astros.”
Folding the Lingerie
The Legends Football League — better known under its original name, the Lingerie Football League — is going out of business after 10 seasons.
On the bright side, though, finding pink slips to hand out shouldn’t be a problem
Quote, end quote
• Mike Bianchi of The Orlando Sentinel, via Twitter, after seeking submissions to honor other state coaches after Florida named its basketball floor for Billy Donovan: “Best so far: (1) Jimbo Fisher Christmas Tree Recycling Center. (2) Urban Meyer Detention Center.”
• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after outfielder Matt Kemp signed a minor-league contract with the Miami Marlins: “The question being isn’t that pretty much redundant?”
• Ex-Vikings coach Bud Grant, 92, in his new limited-edition biography “I’ve Been Lucky,” on the secrets to a good coach: “A patient wife, a loyal dog and a great quarterback. Not necessarily in that order.”
Just one game short
The Rockets’ James Harden joined an exclusive NBA club by totaling 100 points in back-to-back games.
Leaving him just one game shy of tying Wilt Chamberlain, who once scored 100 in one consecutive game.
• Former Times clerk Brett Miller, via Twitter, offering up a surefire suggestion to win an office gingerbread-house competition: “T-Mobile Park — complete with functioning roof.”
• ESPN “Monday Night Football” commentator Booger McFarland, on Chargers tight end Hunter Henry: “He may not be the best tight end in the league. ’Cause he’s not.”