The Mariners manager vowed he would get an Edwin Diaz-style haircut if Diaz amassed 50 saves this season, but Servais’ daughter Jackie threw a high, hard one at that notion.

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Scott Servais’ makeover is going to require 50 saves — and maybe one hold.

The Mariners manager vowed he would get an Edwin Diaz-style haircut if Diaz amassed 50 saves this season, but Servais’ daughter Jackie threw a high, hard one at that notion.

“Cannot tell you how many bets Scott made with us growing up that he NEVER followed through with,” she tweeted. “Edwin, I will drag him into your barber’s chair kicking and screaming.”

Hurt 1, Hurt 2 …

Jake Fromm, Georgia’s sophomore quarterback, broke his non-throwing hand in a freak boating accident this offseason this after previously landing in the ER with a fishhook stuck in his leg.

Bulldog sympathizers are already passing the hat to get this guy a PlayStation 4 or something.

Paging Annie Savoy

A Cardinals groundskeeper got beaned by an off-target ceremonial first pitch.

That’s what they get for letting Nuke LaLoosh do the honors.

Cover your ears

The loudest boom heard on the Fourth of July was:

a) Cousin Clem’s M-80 exploding inside a garbage can

b) Those 74 hot dogs inside Joey Chestnut finally cutting loose

One strike and one out

Roger Hoover, the radio voice of the Class AA Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp, lost the screen on his laptop midgame when a foul ball shattered it during his Fourth of July broadcast.

Well, that’s one way to get rid of pop-up ads.

Sports quiz

The biggest competitive mismatch these days is:

a) Globetrotters vs. Generals

b) Warriors vs. NBA

c) Joey Chestnut vs. hot dogs

News flash

Dateline L.A.: LaVar Ball lowers his sights, insists he’s always dreamed of having all three sons play for BC Vytautas.

Upon further review

Authorities in Manitoba have dropped marijuana charges against Saskatchewan Roughriders receiver Duron Carter.

Apparently the instant-replay booth ruled he didn’t have possession.

NBA quiz

According to an ESPN report, Kyrie Irving might consider joining the Knicks a year from now:

a) as a free agent

b) grandfathered in as Uncle Drew

Say What? Dept.

Move aside, jumbo shrimp, and make room for the language’s latest oxymoron, courtesy of the Warriors’ Kevin Durant: 7-foot small forward.

Talking the talk

• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on the U.S. failing to qualify for the World Cup: “If it is any consolation, we also stink in math, civil rights, education, gun control, supporting the arts, climate-change awareness, electoral security and cable news.”

• Jim Barach of, on LaMelo Ball starting out 3 for 32 from three-point range in father LaVar’s Junior Basketball Association: “At that point, the coach should be saying, ‘Ever heard of an assist?’ ”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the already-stacked Warriors signing All-Star center DeMarcus Cousins: “It’s like you ask Santa for a bike, and he brings you a Harley.”

Sport of Kings Dept.

England-based Phoenix Thoroughbreds — the same outfit that owns Belmont runner-up Gronkowski — has purchased a 2-year-old son of Medaglia d’Oro and renamed the colt LeBron J.

Just one problem: The colt immediately voided his contract and bolted for L.A.


• At “Will the World Cup inspire more Americans to play FIFA online with Hank?”

• At “29 NBA teams to change their name to the Washington Generals in 2019.”

T.O., as in Talking Offsite

Diva receiver Terrell Owens says he will make his Pro Football Hall of Fame induction speech at his alma mater, Tennessee-Chattanooga, on the same date as the ceremonies in Canton, Ohio.

Hey, don’t laugh. He could’ve chosen to speak while doing situps in his driveway.

Get a whiff of thisl

The Rays’ Carlos Gomez provided his own Fourth of July fireworks, smashing a dugout water cooler with his bat and punching another one after striking out in the second inning of his team’s 3-0 loss to the Marlins.

Veteran observers — citing Gomez’s career-worst .195 batting average — were shocked that he hit either one.

Tough call

The worst NFL predraft advice taken the past three decades was:

a) 2014: a homeless man urging Browns owner Jimmy Haslam to draft Johnny Manziel

b) 1998: Hunter S. Thompson telling Colts owner Jim Irsay to draft Ryan Leaf over Peyton Manning

c) 1991: Seahawks owner Ken Behring ordering his troops to draft Dan McGwire over Brett Favre

Food for thought

Today’s fine-dining tip: It doesn’t pay to get soused and threaten the restaurant wait staff if there’s a former UFC champion (Matt Serra, in this case) eating at a nearby table.

Let’s just say last Wednesday’s offerings at the Red Rock Casino’s Grand Café in Las Vegas suddenly included pretzels.

Patriot games

Talk about taking the Fourth of July spirit too far: The Mariners lost 7-4 on 7/4.

Tweet of the Week

From AZCardinals: “Sorry, Warriors. You can’t have Larry Fitzgerald.”

Cup check

Washington Capitals star Alexander Ovechkin took the Stanley Cup to his native Russia, with a public viewing scheduled at a fanfest event before a World Cup match in Moscow.

Just one bit of advice, courtesy of Robert Kraft: If Vladimir Putin asks to examine it, don’t hand it to him.

Out of bounds

Sung Kang was accused but cleared of taking an improper drop at the Quicken Loans National.

“You call that cheating? I can top that one,” said Elin Nordegren.

Quote marks

• Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun, on Cavs star LeBron James opting out of a $46 million-a-year contract to become a free agent: “For someone making $75,000 a year, you’d only have to work 613 years to equal what LeBron declined.”

• Eric Kolenich of the Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch, after “Jeopardy!” host Alex Trebek predicted that Washington would get closer to winning a Super Bowl than it’s been in a long time: “I’ll take ‘Foolish Optimism’ for $1,000, Alex.”

• Damon Amendolara of CBS Sports Radio, via Twitter, on Fox World Cup analyst Tony Meola sounding just like Troy Aikman: “Halfway waiting for Joe Buck to give us the Man of the Match.”

• Janice Hough of, on why World Cup viewing in the U.S. is just like March Madness: “Lots of people rooting for teams on which they cannot name a single player.”

• Jack Finarelli of, noting that the winningest coach in Lions history — Wayne Fontes — had a 66-67 record: “Welcome to Detroit, Matt Patricia …”

Torched by an Angel

If the Angels’ Mike Trout could play all 162 games against the Mariners — based on what he’s done against them in just nine games this season — he would finish the year with 90 homers, 162 RBI and a .514 batting average.

They said it

• Adrian Crawford, via Twitter, on the uproar over DeMarcus Cousins signing with the Warriors: “Joke’s on Boogie, though. A $5 million salary in San Francisco means he’s gonna need to share an apartment with 11 roommates.”

• Ex-NBA player Chase Budinger, to the San Francisco Chronicle, on soaring over rap mogul Diddy in the 2012 NBA slam-dunk contest: “I’m pretty sure I can say I’m the only one who jumped over a billion-dollar prop.”

• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, via Twitter, on a sure sign an analyst at ESPN is not on the fast track: “Assigned to be the sideline reporter at Cornhole.”

• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on Yankees outfielder Brett Gardner getting fined $3,500 in June for slow play: “Non-baseball fans everywhere were asking, ‘How could you tell?’ ”

• RJ Currie of, with a sure sign your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend has been watching too much football on TV: “She doesn’t say you are boring; she’s says you’ve been a defensive struggle.”

Mustn’t-see TV

Major League Eating is exploring the use of electronic technology to avoid miscounts like the one at this year’s Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest that originally credited Joey Chestnut with just 72 hot dogs downed instead of 74.

Just do whatever it takes, MLE, but please — please — spare us the specter of instant replay.