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Romeo & Juliet? Turns out this balcony scene was anything but.

Josh Shaw, the USC defensive back who claimed he’d sprained both ankles leaping from a second-story apartment to save his drowning nephew, finally came clean and disclosed his hasty back-door leap was because he didn’t want to face the cops after a loud dispute with his girlfriend.


• At “NFL opens counseling center to help Bears fans cope with devastating blowouts.”

• At “Bernard Hopkins: “I hope to get punched in the face well into my 50s.”

Why, of course

FIFA (wink, wink) found no irregularities in the way World Cups were awarded to Russia and Qatar, but bid-committee members weren’t available for comment.

They’d just left on their surprise vacation junkets to Barbados.

Danger zone

Detroit edged out Oakland for the No. 1 spot in the FBI’s latest ranking of the country’s most dangerous cities.

Apparently the verdict was so close it came down to the Lions-Raiders tiebreaker.

Decisions, decisions

Cavs star LeBron James told he wouldn’t let his children play football:

a) Because of the health risk.

b) Unless they play for the Browns, jump to the Dolphins and then come back to the Browns again.

Passing thought

The European Space Agency can land a spacecraft on a comet 317 million miles from Earth, and LSU quarterbacks can’t complete 50 percent of their passes?

Chew on this

Serial soccer chomper Luis Suarez, in his new autobiography, says he was treated “like a criminal” when his latest transgression got him kicked out of this year’s World Cup.

Sounds like a one-man “Take A Bite Out Of Crime” public-service ad.

Talking the talk

• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, after LeBron James apologized to fans for not dunking enough in his Cavs return: “LeBron says he’s trying as hard as he can, but at the end of the day he’s just one team.”

• CBS’s Craig Ferguson, on the freeze gripping the Midwest: “It’s so cold the Chicago Bears went into hibernation.”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on Justin Bieber visiting a Steeler players’ faith meeting: “He wanted to worship with the New York Giants, but they don’t have a prayer.”

Man on a-missin’

Kobe Bryant broke an unwelcome NBA career record with his 13,418th missed shot.

Or as he prefers to call them, rebounding opportunities for teammates.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or