A jockey in England led police on a long chase, but in a car.

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Talk about getting drunk with horsepower.

Charlie Deutsch, a likkered-up Grand National jockey who hopped in his Audi after a traffic stop and led British police on a 40-furlong chase of up to 114 mph, has been sentenced to 10 months in jail.

Guess you could say he lost this one by a nose — a red one.

Headlines

• At TheOnion.com: “White Sox promotion puts first nine fans at ballpark in starting lineup.”

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• At BorowitzReport.com: ”NFL adds First Amendment to list of banned substances.”

Putting up dough

Golfer Ian Poulter just bought himself quite a ride: a Porsche GT3, with a listed base price is $143,600.

Now that’s what you call driving for show.

Tweet of the Week

From the Vegas Golden Knights’ official account on May 19: “On this date in Golden Knights history: Actually, not much happened. We didn’t have a team yet. Probably just had some meetings.”

Sports quiz

The soon-to-be Las Vegas Raiders’ longtime motto is “Commitment to …”

a) Excellence

b) Oakland

c) Los Angeles

d) Oakland the second time

Ending on a high note

Paul Simon, passing through the Northwest on his farewell concert tour, threw out the ceremonial first pitch before the Mariners-Tigers game in Seattle on May 17.

To no one’s surprise, it was vintage chin music.

Tapping in, tapping out

ESPN has reached a five-year, $1.5 billion deal to broadcast 30 UFC events per year.

Insiders described the negotiations as no holds barred.

15 yards for hair-pulling?

Fox, with the Thursday Night NFL games already in hand, are closing in on a five-year, $1 billion deal for WWE’s “Smackdown,” according to The Hollywood Reporter.

Which ought to provide some built-in cross-marketing opportunities for Oct. 4’s Patriots-Colts game.

Call to no arms

Considering their MLB-worst 5.41 team ERA, shouldn’t the White Sox’s next bobblehead giveaway be a Venus de Milo?

Relishing his job

Cowboys offensive-line coach Paul Alexander says he judges his players’ mental acumen by the way they pour ketchup out of a bottle.

Our condiments to the coach.

Flunking the smell test

The Post Office announced it will come out with a line of “scratch and sniff” commemorative stamps.

Probably not up for consideration: the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum.

Talking the talk

• Warriors guard Klay Thompson, to USA Today, after TV cameras caught teammate Steph Curry yelling “This is my (expletive) house!” during Game 3 of the Western Conference finals: “I hope (Curry’s daughter) Riley didn’t see it, but it got Oracle pretty fired up. … Don’t do that at home, kids.”

• Orioles Hall of Famer Brooks Robinson, to MASN, on whether he’s still capable of playing Gold Glove defense at third base at age 81: “I can still dive and catch ’em, but I can’t get up.”

Bad hook pattern

Georgia quarterback Jake Fromm wound up in the ER after he got a fish hook stuck in his leg.

Bulldog apologists immediately blamed it on his line.

Fact-checker alert

Israel’s top soccer team — Beitar Jerusalem — has renamed itself in honor of the U.S. president.

“Of course, we just shattered the world single-game attendance record for the third straight week,” boasted new team spokesman Sean Spicer.

Food for thought

Mariners concessions stands are selling the “Maple dog” — a maple bar with a wiener on top — in honor of the team’s ho-hit Canadian pitcher, James Paxton.

So what’s next, the M’s rolling out “Mr. Snappy” sliders in honor of Randy Johnson?

Let ’er Rip

Billy Ripken, offering up some underhanded soft-toss pitches, got smashed in the face by a Sean Casey line drive during an MLB Network demonstration.

Cue up the Foghorn Leghorn “All right, boy, lean on it — let’s see you drive it right down my throat!” video clip.

Thinking inside the box

A foolhardy man tried to enter the ring during the eighth round of a welterweight bout in Ontario but was overpowered and hauled away.

What, the lion’s cage at the Toronto Zoo wasn’t available?

Fore! (plus 89)

Ben Bender, 93, of Zanesville, Ohio, ignored his hip bursitis to play one final round of golf — and scored his first hole-in-one.

The time it took him to hit the shot and find his ball in the cup just replaced the Kentucky Derby as The Most Exciting Two Minutes In Sports.

Quote marks

• Ex-Twins infielder Frank Quilici, who died at age 79 on May 14, as quoted in the St. Paul Pioneer Press on skyrocketing baseball salaries: “I don’t mind that guys are getting all this money. What I do mind is that many of them act like they deserve it.”

• Kendrick Perkins, to Cavaliers teammate Kevin Love, on why he isn’t familiar with Chewbacca of 1970s “Star Wars” fame: Kevin Love: “I don’t really keep up with all that new stuff.”

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after corpulent Rangers pitcher Bartolo Colon took a comebacker to the gut but recovered in time to get the out at first: “He was just lucky the ball didn’t get lost in there (for) a ground-rule double.”

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after Justify won the Preakness to take the second leg of the Triple Crown: “The horses Yanny and Laurel battled back and forth but finished out of the money, and Mueller’s Probe is still running.”

• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, after a Japanese kayaker was banned for eight years for spiking his rival’s drink: “I’m pretty sure that’s legal at the Tour de France.”

• Ryan Herrington of GolfWorld.com, on Jason Dufner’s woes at the Players: “His struggles over short putts had us covering our eyes like we were watching a ‘Friday the 13th’ movie.”

• Seahawks broadcaster Steve Raible, to ESPN.com, on the late Chuck Knox’s superstition of changing road hotels if his team had lost there the previous season: “We stayed every place but the YWCA (in) Kansas City.”

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, with breaking football news: “The NFL just slapped a 15-yard penalty on players who don’t watch Fox News in their hotel room.”

• Blogger TC Chong, on QB Johnny Manziel taking his talents to the CFL: “Wait till he gets his first paycheck and discovers his passing percentage is the same as the exchange rate.”

• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Press, on cutting-edge baseball stats: “I like home runs as much as the next person. But, no, I really don’t care about the ball’s exit velocity. If the ball clears the fence, that’s good enough for me. Are the cheers any louder, is the beer any colder because we know the exit velocity?”

Stop the presses

The Baltimore Ravens say they will slash the price of 21 popular menu items — beer, hot dogs and the like — an average of 33 percent at home games this season, WTOP-TV reported.

So what’s next, a five-pig flyover to commemorate next season’s home opener?