Casey DeSmith just coined a new hockey term: the stay-at-home goaltender.

DeSmith, the netminder for the minor-league Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins, missed out on a call-up to join the parent Pittsburgh team in Montreal because he misplaced his passport.

You know what they say in puck circles: It pays to forecheck.

Pass the crumpets

Three or more teas a week can mean a longer and healthier life, according to a study published in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology.

Note to Draymond Green: That’s teas, not T’s.

Double-secret probation

First the Patriots get caught in another video kerfuffle, and now the Red Sox are being investigated over sign-stealing allegations.

So what’s next, the NCAA cites Massachusetts for lack of institutional control?

Sore Heels

Roy Williams labeled his 8-8 basketball team as “the least gifted team I’ve ever coached” in his latest tenure at North Carolina.

The Society of Those Feeling Sorry for Roy convenes at noon Wednesday in the back seat of a Kia.

The Big Uneasy

Another New Orleans team — the Pelicans — were livid over a last-second no-call in a 128-126 loss to the Jazz.

Just who do NBA refs think they are, NFL refs?

Get your Series tickets early

Seattle Is the nation’s fourth-best city for keeping New Year’s resolutions, in the estimation of

In that case, let’s resolve to have a playoff baseball team this year!

Cue the ‘Jeopardy!’ music

According to a study conducted by four universities in Ireland, the average doctor visit there lasts 14.1 minutes.

Or roughly the same as an NFL video-replay review.

Pass the onions

The average male cries 5 to 17 times a year, according to the American Psychological Association.

What, you think it’s easy running a fantasy-football team?

Heard in passing

The NFL has fined 49ers QB Jimmy Garoppolo $7,017 for throwing a football into the stands after his team’s Week 17 win over the Seahawks.

And you thought loss of down for intentional grounding was costly?

Good while it lasted

Hawaii is our country’s least depressed state, in the estimation of

At least it is until the Miami Marlins relocate to Honolulu.

Single Digits Dept.

Have you seen those ghastly pictures of 76ers center Joel Imbiid’s dislocated ring finger?

”Thank heavens it wasn’t the middle one,” said empathetic Philly fans.

Talking the talk

• RJ Currie of, on Jeanne Calment — who died at age 122 in 1997 — attributing her longevity to olive oil, port and “regular smiling”: “Oh, well; at least Bill Belichick can buy olive oil and port.”

• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on NFL color commentators: “Going from Booger McFarland to Tony Romo is like going from Earl Scheib to Pablo Picasso.”

Bacon up excuses

It’s now been revealed that outfielder Yoenis Cespedes broke his ankle at his Florida ranch last season when he stepped in a hole trying to elude a wild pig.

Or as Mets publicists immediately tried to spin it, he’s been out with a bad hammy.

Edit of the Week

Rogue revision to DK Metcalf’s Wikipedia entry, after the Seahawks’ rookie receiver torched Philly for 160 yards: “Position: Philadelphia Eagles owner.”

Quote marks

• Mike Hart of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, on the age discrepancy between Seahawks coach Pete Carroll (68) and the Packers’ Matt LaFleur (40) in Sunday’s NFC playoff game: “It is quite possible that LaFleur’s parents weren’t even going steady when Carroll began coaching.”

• Janice Hough of, after Vince Carter, 42, became the first NBA player to appear in four decades: “And somewhere NHL legend Gordie Howe is thinking: ‘Nice job, young man, if you can keep it up.’ ”

• Seattle Times sports writer Ryan Divish, via Twitter, on MNF’s Booger McFarland: “Booger: ‘I can’t say this enough.’ People watching: ‘All evidence to the contrary.’ ”

• Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, tweeting out a public-service alert during the Capital One Orange Bowl: “When leaving (the) game and headed to your car, if you hear someone say, ‘What’s in your wallet?’ — chances are you are being robbed.”

Something’s amiss here

Mississippi Valley State, at 0-13 the nation’s only winless college basketball team, ranks 350th — dead last — in field-goal percentage (35.2), 349th in free-throw shooting (57.5) and 348th in three-point accuracy (26.1).

So while there’s no “I” in team, the Delta Devils certainly put the “miss” in Mississippi.

Look, up in the sky

New sightings of unexplained, small drones have been reported over central and western Nebraska.

Jittery locals’ fears were eased when the FAA revealed it was just the work of a Patriots documentary crew on its way to filming Cornhuskers offseason workouts.

Oh, the humanity

Making the rounds on Facebook: “Marked safe from seeing Tom Brady in another Super Bowl.”

Quote, end quote

• Bruce Penton of the Medicine Hat (Alberta) News, projecting 34-year-old Alex Ovechkin’s chances of breaking Wayne Gretzky’s all-time mark of 894 NHL goals: “Five more years at 40 goals per year and The Great One will be The Great Two.”

• Jim Barach of, after West Virginia basketball coach Bob Huggins was fined $10,000 for calling referees “Three Blind Mice”: “Unfortunately for him they weren’t also deaf.”

• ESPN’s Adam Schefter, via Twitter: “No more need for Cleveland to rush their head-coaching hire; Browns have their choice of the field.”

• Jack Finarelli of, on the Dolphins firing offensive coordinator Chad O’Shea: “Confession: I could not pick him out of a lineup with the WNBA All-Star Team.”