The Canton (Miss.) Academy football team just suffered a different kind of “three-and-out.”
A Panthers player made an unfortunate $20 boast in class that Kendall Calloway — the pitcher on the school’s softball team — couldn’t strike him out, so they took it out to the softball field to settle the bet.
Not only did Calloway put three quick pitches past him, she did the same to every other guy foolhardy enough to step in and try to redeem their teammate’s honor.
• At TheOnion.com: “Mariners place Kyle Lewis on IL after losing him in thick outfield smog.”
• In the New York Daily News: “Normalcy in 2020 at last … Jets remain Jets!”
Coke was it
Walk In The Sun’s win in a 2019 race at England’s Kempton Park Racecourse was vacated because the horse’s postrace test came up positive for cocaine.
Well, that’s one way to lose by a nose.
Some 42 Wisconsin football players and staff have tested positive for coronavirus.
So if Big Ten teams got to choose their schedule like they picked kids for dodgeball teams in PE class, we know who’d be chosen last.
Our 25 cents’ worth
The Clippers blew a 3-1 playoff lead over the Nuggets by getting outscored 38-25, 34-19 and 22-15 in the final periods of Games 5, 6 and 7.
Suggested team mantra for next postseason: Got change for a quarter?
For the birds
Phillies pitcher Zack Wheeler had to be scratched from a start after he tore the nail of his right middle finger while putting on his pants.
As any good Philadelphian knows, what good is a guy if he can’t use his middle finger?
Shanks for the memory
If any play could epitomize 2020, this is it: South Florida’s Omarion Dollison fielded a botched Citadel punt — that was shanked so badly it never got out of the end zone — and “returned” it zero yards for a touchdown. For the record, the punt went into the record books as a minus-10 yarder.
Hey, bettor, bettor
Colorado just signed a five-year sponsorship deal with an online sports-betting company (PointsBet), the first university to do so.
Just call them the Gambling Buffs.
Signs of the times
• Banner towed behind an airplane above Dodger Stadium when Houston paid a recent visit: “Hey, Astr*s, try stealing this sign!”
• Banner spotted on the back of a Notre Dame fan’s bus: “Go Irish, beat COVID-19.”
Bad twist of fate
Offensive tackle Isaiah Wilson, the Titans’ first-round draft pick, was arrested for DUI after his car struck a concrete wall as he was doing doughnuts.
Updated scouting report: Looks like he’s susceptible to spin moves.
A photographer is suing Deshaun Watson, claiming the Texans QB posted three copyrighted photos to his Instagram account without permission.
Or as Watson apologists tried to pooh-pooh it, a bad snap count.
Talking the talk
• Blogger Patti Dawn Swansson, on researchers in Finland claiming they’ve found a cure for hangovers: “If true, it’ll be the greatest discovery since Sandy Koufax found the strike zone in the 1960s.”
• Living Morganism, via Twitter, on a video showing a man on his back lifting weights while a puppy is licking his face: “I bet his name is Spot.”
• Ravens RB Mark Ingram, mic’d up during the season opener, on his team’s RB depth: “We got three dogs in the backfield. We stayin’ fresh as Huggies — fresh.”
Doing the wave
Brazilian surfer Maya Gabeira broke her own women’s Guinness World Record at the WSL Nazare Tow Surfing Challenge in Praia do Norte, Portugal — atop a curl 73½ feet high.
Suffice it to say the surf was up that day.
• Comedy writer Brad Dickson: “I wouldn’t say Big Ten commissioner Kevin Warren feels vindictive toward the Huskers, but the new schedules were just released and Nebraska plays at Ohio State seven times.”
• AP’s Rob Maaddi, on the Snyders’ 27-17 upset win over the Eagles: “The Washington Football Team played like a group of guys determined to make a name for themselves.”
• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the ACC’s push to let all 346 D-I basketball teams into next year’s NCAA tournament: “Will players be given juice boxes and participation trophies?”
• Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, after the Braves put up an NL-record 29 runs on the Marlins: “They violated every one of baseball’s 1,212 unwritten rules.”
Welcome to Fantasyland
A couple pro tips for managing your fantasy-football team, from TheOnion.com:
• “Read as much analysis as you can during the week to convince yourself you have control over what happens in over a dozen football games.
• “Learn from my mistake: Don’t name your team after your Social Security number.”
Penalty on the play
The NFL sent out a memo threatening to punish coaches who don’t wear face coverings at all times on the sideline during games.
An even better deterrent: automatic 15-yard facemask penalties!
Quote, end quote
• Matt Schubert of the Denver Post, after Titans kicker Stephen Gostkowski missed three field goals and an extra point against the Titans: “Think about your worst day at the office, then multiply that by about 1,000.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, with some NFL scores from Week 1: “Patriots 21, Dolphins 11 … Saints 34, Buccaneers 23 … Belichick 1, Brady 0.”
• Blogger Chad Picasner, on the Giants releasing corpulent third baseman Pablo Sandova for a second time: “In his day, Pablo was very good around the plate — both home plate and the dinner plate.”
• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, trying to find a silver lining in the Clippers’ hapless 50 seasons: “They have earned more accolades than the Washington Generals have.”