Dr. J, meet Dr. A.

Anthony Fauci, the immunologist and national point man against the COVID-19 pandemic, was once the point guard and team captain for the Regis High School basketball team in Manhattan, Class of 1958.

Quickie retro scouting report: liked to spread the court, run isolation plays; most effective from distance; played lockdown defense.

Headlines gone viral

• At TheOnion.com: “Kawhi Leonard misses second consecutive family game night, citing load management.”

• At Fark.com: “Wimbledon has officially been canceled. This is not a repeat from 1945.”

20/21 vision

The Tokyo Olympics have been rescheduled for 2021 but will still be known as the 2020 Games, organizers say.

“We couldn’t agree more,” said 12 of the Big Ten’s 14 athletic directors.

Now that’s Patriotic

The New England Patriots plunked down $2 million and used their team plane to fly in 1.2 million N95 devices from Shenzhen, China, to fight the coronavirus in the United States

Now that’s what you call grabbing the face masks.

That’s a new one

Triple-double … Double-double … Solo-double?

Former standout soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo announced she is pregnant with twins.

Neighsayer alert

Washington linebacker Thomas Davis says each NFL conference’s No. 2 seed “is getting penalized” because it will now have to play during wild-card weekend under the league’s new expanded, 14-team playoff format.

Which, given D.C. recent playoff history, is kind of like Mr. Ed complaining about outside post draws for the Kentucky Derby.

Aren’t they all?

With the NHL joining the rest of the world in pandemic quarantine, it certainly puts a whole new spin on the term “stay-at-home defenseman.”

Why not Doc Gooden?

President Trump chatted with Alex Rodriguez to get the ex-baseball star’s take on the coronavirus.

If it’s medical expertise he wanted, shouldn’t he have consulted A-Rod’s needle-wielding cousin?

Paging Harry S. Truman

Hall of Fame goaltender Dominik Hašek is mulling a run for president in his native Czech Republic.

Morning-line favorite for his campaign slogan, of course, is: The Puck Stops Here.

Buck stops here

Sidelined NFL broadcaster Joe Buck — who’d offered to add his play-by-play touch to quarantined fans’ home videos for a charity donation — says he won’t do sex tapes, of which he’s gotten a few.

In other words, he’s refusing comment even after he’s seen the films.

Call an audible

Twitter exchange between Saints QB Drew Brees and coach Sean Payton:

Brees: “The baby rattlesnakes were out today … Saw them on the late-afternoon walk with the dogs.”

Payton: “Let’s find a different route. OK?”

Just call him Bill

The worst plus/minus in sports during the virus quarantine?

That would be former NBA center Kendrick Perkins — whose two sons racked up $16,000 on his credit card playing Fortnite.

That’s a slice

A proxy firm wants Shaquille O’Neal kicked off the Papa John’s board of directors because he missed nearly 25% of the meetings in his first term as a board member.

Hey, that’s nothing. He also missed 47% of his free throws.

Talking the talk

• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, scanning ESPN’s altered TV lineup: “11 a.m.: Greatest NFL Coaches’ Challenges (Season 1).”

• Bruins defenseman Zdeno Chara, on why goaltender Tuukka Rask is the teammate he’d least like to be quarantined with: “The way he farts … the smell is awful. He likes his chicken wings.”

Mugging for the cameras

The Saints, with NFL facilities ordered closed, will hunker down for the three-day NFL draft at the Dixie Brewing Company facility in New Orleans East.

Here’s guessing their draft won’t stop at seven rounds.

Quote marks

• Mike Hart of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, on the coronavirus scrubbing this year’s NFL draft in Las Vegas: “Thus Wayne Newton will not be allowed to belt out ‘Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast’ when (Roger) Goodell strolls to the podium.”

• @SportsPickle, when Pro Football Focus asked, “Best defense in NFL history?”: “O.J. Simpson’s.”

• Ex-Dodgers broadcaster Vin Scully, to the L.A. Times, on retirement and self-quarantine at age 94: “If it wasn’t for doctor appointments we wouldn’t have a social life at all.”

• Celtics forward Gordon Hayward, to ESPN, on life with young kids under quarantine: “I think I’ve watched ‘Frozen’ 35 times already.”

Read the fine print

Among the sports transactions listed in the April 1 edition of the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal:

BASEBALL

Major League

Cleveland Indians — Signed C Jake Taylor, RP Ricky Vaughn, 3B Roger Dorn, OF Willie Mays Hayes, OF Pedro Cerrano, SP Eddie Harris to one-year contracts. Named Lou Brown manager.

New York Knights — Signed OF Roy Hobbs.

New York Mets — Signed 2B Chico Escuela, SP Sidd Finch.

Tampa Bay Rays — Called up SP Ebby Calvin LaLoosh from Triple A Durham (IL).

Washington Senators — Signed CF Joe Hardy.

Minor Leagues

Visalia Rawhide — Named Lawrence “Crash” Davis manager.

Southbound

Prince Harry and Meghan have bolted Canada for Hollywood.

Hey, don’t laugh — it worked out OK for the Great Gretzky and Janet, didn’t it?

Stat of the Week

From @ESPNStatsInfo: “Joe DiMaggio (1) and Ted Williams (4) combined for five three-strikeout games in their MLB careers. 175 different MLB players struck out three times in at least five games last season.”

Quote, end quote

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after Bucs receiver Chris Godwin (making $800K a year) handed over his jersey number to QB Tom Brady ($25M) for free: ”Has someone checked Chris for concussions?”

• Blogger Gregg Drinnan, of GreggDrinnan.com: “With Wimbledon gone, the first major of the season is scheduled to be the U.S. Open, which is to begin on Aug. 31. For now.”

• George Fox assistant professor John Spencer, via Twitter, advocating for 10-foot social distancing: ”If you’re wondering how far that is, picture a Bears wide receiver and then imagine where (Mitchell) Trubisky actually threw the pass.”

• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune: “Drew Brees donates $5 million to the virus fight in Louisiana and Twitter idiots complain it’s a small percentage of his net worth. Meanwhile, fan-favorite billionaire owners are laying off employees.”

Dust him off

Oft-suspended linebacker Aldon Smith — who hasn’t played in the NFL since 2015 — will be joining the Cowboys on a one-year deal.

What, Dick Butkus wasn’t available?