And you thought 65-to-1 Country House was a longshot winner?
Duffer Dale Cohen, 62, hit the first two holes-in-one of his life — on the same day, in the same round, with the same 8-iron club — at Sycamore Springs Golf Course in northern Ohio, the Findlay Courier reported.
The National Hole In One Registry pegs the odds of two in one round at roughly 67 million to 1.
• At Fark.com: “NCAA rescinds its ban on events in states with legal gambling, doubles down on kids charging for autographs on jerseys.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Miami Marlins looking at eliminating unprofitable baseball wing of organization.”
Q: What’s the difference between hockey and the Kentucky Derby?
A: Maximum Security’s interference penalty cost him 2 minutes, 3.93 seconds.
This one stings
A swarm of bees invaded the Great American Ball Park, keeping the Reds from taking the field and delaying the start of their game against the Giants by 18 minutes.
Sounds like a spring-training score: Bee Squad 1, Split Squad 0.
But who’s counting?
Americans are bored 131 days a year, according to a survey conducted by OnePoll researchers.
Which, as fate would have it, is exactly the same number of days from this year’s NFL draft to the season opener.
Daly special a la carte
John Daly has been given a cart to play in the PGA Championship because of a bad knee.
No, a golf cart, silly — not a beverage cart.
Pass the flags
The Michigan High School Athletic Association has voted to limit the amount of contact in high-school football practices.
They reportedly got the idea watching the Cincinnati Bengals try to play defense last season.
Upon further review
Lions owner Martha Ford has “a lot less patience” for mediocrity than her late husband did, according to team president Rod Wood.
And just to prove she’s serious, Ford immediately ordered a recall on the 2006, 2008 and 2009 models of the Lions.
Old Glove award
Medical technology could soon push human life spans past 100 years, according to Bank of America analysts.
Albert Pujols immediately announced plans to play till he’s 65.
Crying in their beards
Schick Razors has bought Harry’s for $1.37 billion.
Shaving profits soar this time of year — every time a team gets eliminated from the NHL playoffs.
See ya later, Gator
Florida cornerback Chris Steele, citing a compatibility issue with a roommate, is planning to transfer.
What, UF housing doesn’t have a transfer portal?
Talking the talk
• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after Maximum Security’s owner blasted Churchill Downs for being “greedy” by running a 20-horse field in the Kentucky Derby: “Who do they think they are, the Democratic primary?”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after John Daly got the OK to use a cart in the PGA Championship because of an arthritic knee: “Will the cart come with a designated driver?”
Blackhawks goalie Corey Crawford will drive the pace car at the IndyCar Grand Prix.
In other words, he’ll be burning rubber instead of stopping it.
“There’s a lot of chicken left on the bone, man” was uttered:
a) last week by Cubs manager Joe Maddon
b) in “Major League” by Pedro Cerrano
b) in 2011 by Red Sox manager Terry Francona
• Bruce Penton of the Medicine Hat News, on the NHL’s eight surviving playoff teams after both No. 1 seeds were eliminated in the first round and all four wild-card teams advanced: “A ballroom full of Cinderellas. Only the clock never struck midnight — the underdogs just kept dancing the night away.”
• Jack Finarelli at SportsCurmudgeon.com, on the state of Denver’s QB situation since Peyton Manning’s retirement: “Stranded at the intersection of chaos and mayhem.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after the Hurricanes shocked hockey experts by eliminating the Islanders in four straight: “Even Neil Diamond said, ‘Sweep Carolina?’ ”
All eyes on Idaho
A study says Idaho is the state most dependent on the gun industry.
Of course, it has a built-in advantage with potato guns.
Quote, end quote
• Times baseball writer Ryan Divish, after a reader tweeted he ought to stress player development — not wins and losses — in the Mariners’ rebuilding season: “Maybe we should give them a participation certificate too.”
• The Patriots’ Tom Brady, to ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, on why he isn’t bothered about being only 17th on the NFL’s QB pay scale: “My wife makes a lot of money.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, with the working definition of misery: “The guy who ripped up his 65-1 ‘Country House to win’ ticket right after the Kentucky Derby race.”