Golf’s Euro Tour has some interesting new rules that you might recognize from other sports.
What do you get when you cross the NBA with soccer?
Answer: Golf’s Euro Tour, which plans to implement a 40-second shot clock, issue players a yellow card for the first violation and invoke a one-stroke penalty — what, no red card? — for each subsequent one.
Which begs the question: Do Euro golfers get added time if they flop with a fake injury?
• From SportsPickle.com: “Mike Pence leaves NFL game after realizing the Colts and 49ers are playing.”
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• At TheOnion.com: “Bill Belichick’s challenge flag transforms into swarm of snakes after hitting ground.”
Hold that line
Dolphins offensive-line coach Chris Foerster resigned Monday after a video surfaced showing him snorting white powder off a table.
No wonder the Dolphins — with only three offensive TDs in four games — are having trouble finding the goal line.
Does reporting WWE rasslin’ results qualify as fake news?
Subpar for the course
North Carolina avoided major NCAA sanctions because the school’s sham “paper courses” in African and Afro-American Studies were available to all students, not just jocks trying to stay eligible.
Tar Heels officials were ecstatic, but declined further comment until a tutor types up a press release for them.
Odds-on favorite to win this year’s “Pot, Meet Kettle” Award: Kentucky’s John Calipari — the only coach to lead multiple schools to vacated Final Four appearances — saying the FBI’s probe of college basketball is giving his sport a “black eye.”
Stuck in reverse
This is what you call kicking yourself: California, trailing Washington 38-7 with 1 second to play, calls time out to kick a field goal, then botches the snap — with the resulting 41-yard loss leaving the Golden Bears with minus-40 yards rushing for the game.
Whistles while you work
Know that awkward feeling one gets when a baseball closer blows a save, stays in the game and then gets credit for the win?
Meet Titans tight end Phillip Supernaw, who hauled in his first career TD catch as a pro against the Dolphins last Sunday, but only after back-to-back false-start penalties — both called on him — moved the ball from the 1 back to the 11.
Talking the talk
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on why the Knicks sold jersey advertising patches to Squarespace: “Because Ringling Brothers is no longer an option?”
• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on one phrase you won’t be hearing after the Giants’ star receiver broke his ankle: “Bend it like Beckham.”
Talk about a pooch kick: The Boise State football team uses a trained dog to run onto the field and retrieve the kicking tee after kickoffs.
Can’t wait to see it celebrate a touchdown just like Odell Beckham does.
Get a whiff of this
Yankees slugger Aaron Judge struck out 16 times in 23 plate appearances in the just-completed American League Division Series.
By comparison, the Padres’ Tony Gwynn whiffed 15 times during the entire 1995 season — in 577 plate appearances.
Respecting their elders
Kentucky is set to open basketball practice, but another blue-chip recruiting class says expectations remain the same: Send those grizzled-veteran sophomores out with a championship.
He’s a cut above
Iowa State’s Joel Lanning played 13 snaps at QB, eight on special teams and 57 at linebacker — generating 60 yards of offense, forcing a fumble and recording a sack — in a 38-31 upset of No. 3 Oklahoma.
Noted Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com: “Too bad the folks who make Swiss Army knives do not offer a college-football award at the end of the season.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Kevin Hogan’s tearful wife begs Browns to release her husband.”
• At TheKicker.com: “Fox tries to resell World Cup broadcasting rights on Craigslist.”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on sluggish ticket sales for the upcoming Winter Olympics in South Korea: “Factors include high prices, a sagging world economy, and a reluctance to buy front-row seats for a nuclear holocaust.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on Calgary left wing Matthew Tkachuk, whose father Keith was drafted the same year (1990) as current Flames teammate Jaromir Jagr: “In hockey years, that’s 27 teeth ago.”
• Mike Florio of NBCsports.com, on the Colts’ surprising 2-3 record: “They just might be able to tread water long enough to Andrew Luck to come back and get injured again.”
• Former late-night funnyman David Letterman, at the unveiling of Peyton Manning’s statue in Indianapolis: “By the way, if you like football trivia, so far this year Eli and Peyton have won the same number of games.”
• Eric Kolenich of the Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch, looking on the bright side of LaMelo Ball getting home-schooled this year: “We can be guaranteed there’s no shoe company funneling money to the Ball family.”
• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on Tom Brady including some recipes in his new tome: “I can’t wait for Rachel Ray’s book on how she won five Super Bowls.”
• Bill Barnwell of ESPN.com, on how the New York Giants went from 11-5 a year go to 0-5 this year: “The 2016 Giants were a flawed team with great luck; the 2017 Giants are a flawed team with terrible luck.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, after ex-heavweight champ George Foreman, 68, challenged tough-guy actor Steven Seagal, 65, to a fight in Las Vegas after Seagal went off on NFL anthem protesters: “They’re calling it ‘The Geezers at Caesars.’ ”
• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on reports that Ferrari might build an SUV: “I believe they’ve already got the slogan: ‘Never be late for a soccer game again!’ ”
• CBS’s James Corden, on VP Mike Pence’s trip to Indianapolis for an orchestrated walkout at a Colts game that cost taxpayers $250,000: “To which Puerto Rico says, ‘Hey, how is that budget coming along?’ ”
• Comedian Argus Hamilton, on the lack of gym etiquette these days: “Yesterday I saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles can goes on the treadmill.”