Taking Burt Reynolds on a recruiting trip didn’t work out as planned for Florida State coach Bobby Bowden.
Win some, lose some.
Back when NCAA rules allowed it, Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden took movie star Burt Reynolds — an ex-FSU player and a huge Seminoles booster — on a recruiting trip to Ohio to better his chances of sealing the deal. I’ll pitch FSU to the player, Bowden told Reynolds, while you sweet-talk the kid’s single mother.
“Well, the kid ended up going to Notre Dame,” Bowden quipped, “and the mother came to Florida State.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Russell Wilson asks Seahawks to modify play where he’s immediately tackled by six players.”
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• At SportsPickle.com: “Harbaugh brothers seem to really struggle against teams from Ohio.”
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.
Which is just a long way of saying, “Quit starting Nathan Peterman.”
Brown and out
The year 2017 was the most miserable one on record, according to a Gallup study.
“Tell us about it,” said Clevelanders of the Browns’ 0-16 season.
The term “laughter yoga” refers to:
a) inducing spontaneous, therapeutic laughter in the framework of group exercise and deep breathing
b) trying to perfect your downward dog while watching the Buffalo Bills’ opener
Archaeologists have discovered a 73,000-year-old drawing on a cave wall in South Africa.
Initial reports say the depiction is a dead ringer for Woody Hayes’ off-tackle play.
Washington pitcher Stephen Strasburg, with just one magic bullet of a pitch, hit Phillies batter J.P. Crawford’s arm, catcher Matt Wieters’ mask and plate umpire Hunter Wendelstedt’s mask.
Strasburg’s next act, we assume, takes place in a saloon, with a six-shooter, a mirror and a frying pan.
Early brain freeze
According to a University of Toronto study, brain power varies throughout the year but peaks in late summer and early autumn.
You’d never know it by the fantasy-football roster we just drafted.
Injury of the Week
Georgia State football coach Shawn Elliott celebrated his team’s touchdown in a 41-7 loss to N.C. State with a fist bump — and tore his right biceps doing it.
Luckily his team scored just that once, or Elliott might have wound up in traction.
Lose some, win some
Nationals catcher Spencer Kieboom lost a tooth while eating a baguette for breakfast, then hit his first big-league home run a few hours later.
What were you expecting, some choppers to short?
Pass the brownies
Some upscale hotels, to enhance relaxation for their guests, now offer cannabis-infused items on their room-service menu.
Which begs the question: Did the Buffalo Bills — 47-3 losers at Baltimore in their season opener — stay in an upscale hotel?
Talking the talk
• Coaching legend Lefty Driesell, not taking anything for granted at age 86 during his Basketball Hall of Fame induction speech: “The older you get, all you do is try to remember names and go to the bathroom.”
• ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel, on America’s love of fantasy sports: “Most of the guys I know studied harder for their fantasy-football draft this year than all of high school and college combined.”
Florida State ran 10 plays in the red zone in its season-opening 24-3 loss to Virginia Tech — for minus-11 yards.
Say this much for the Seminoles: At least they showed up with a backup plan.
That’s taking a drop
King’s Walk Golf Course in Grand Forks, N.D., is using drones to deliver food and drinks that players order via app.
Chips, links and mulligan stew, we assume, are popular menu items.
Eat & Run Dept.
Talk about going on a milk run.
English ultramarathoner Sophie Power stopped 16 hours into her 43½-hour run in the 107-mile Ultra-Trail du Mont-Blanc in the Alps to breastfeed her baby.
Check the pull date
The world’s oldest cheese — 7,200 years old — has been discovered on Croatia’s Dalmatian coast.
It had been carved into a cheddar bust of Curly Lambeau.
• Omaha comedy writer Brad Dickson, via Twitter, on reports that Nebraska QB Adrian Martinez’s knee injury might have resulted from a Colorado linebacker intentionally twisting his leg: “I’m appalled by this, and I’m a fan of the team that produced Richie Incognito.”
• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, after a calm.com poll suggested that the dullest sports to watch are golf, cricket, soccer and baseball: “Synchronized swimming officials are demanding a recount.”
• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on why Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is having trouble rehabbing his injured knee after leading the Packers to victory from a 20-0 deficit: “He wants to get into the exercise pool, but he keeps walking on top of the water instead.”
• Jim Barach of JokesByJim.com, on Nike’s Colin Kaepernick TV spot: “There hasn’t been this much taking sides in the advertising world since the battle lines were drawn by ‘Less Filling!’ ‘Tastes Great!’ ”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, just wondering: “So will Aaron Rodgers be first NFL player to win Comeback Player of the Game?”
Feeling the pinch
Sea Salt, a wholesale lobster company and restaurant in Saco, Maine, is suing one of its co-owners, claiming he embezzled $1.5 million worth of lobsters by setting up a phony customer account.
We’d be a lot more impressed if it was one at a time down the front of his pants.
Stat of the Week
The Division III Guilford football team has only a 1-1 record to show for scoring 61 points in each of its first two games — beating Methodist University 61-35 and losing 91-61 to Davidson.
Quote, end quote
• NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on the Chiefs and Rams playing in Mexico City on Nov. 19: “It’s all part of the league’s plan to combine as many things that Trump hates as possible. It’s really clever. Rosie O’Donnell is doing the halftime show. Jeff Sessions is a referee.”
• Comedian Eric Stangel, via Twitter, on the downside of having 73 fantasy-football teams: “I’m rooting for and against every player on every play.”
• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on Jaguar building an SUV that can go 200 mph: “Their slogan: ‘Never be late for soccer practice again.’ ”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on the secret to trapeze artist Betty Goedhart of Escondido, Calif., still going strong at age 85: “3) Strong legs; 2) Youthful outlook; 1) Reliable denture adhesive.”
• Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on Texas A&M, with an average annual revenue of $148 million, surpassing Texas as college football’s most valuable program. “Still, universities can’t possibly afford to pay their athletes. Uncanny how that works.”