Here's hoping he knows how to run, too. In an ad for his Mississauga (Ont.) IceDogs hockey team on Toronto's The Fan 590 radio, forward Patrick O'Sullivan makes a smooching sound...

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Here’s hoping he knows how to run, too.

In an ad for his Mississauga (Ont.) IceDogs hockey team on Toronto’s The Fan 590 radio, forward Patrick O’Sullivan makes a smooching sound and intones, “I may not be much of a kisser, but I sure know how to score.” FYI: O’Sullivan is also dating the daughter of IceDogs co-owner Mario Forgione.

As Cathie O’Sullivan told the Minneapolis Star-Tribune: “He said, ‘Mom, if this doesn’t work out, you can find me in Lake Ontario with cement skates on.’ ”

Next up, Kevin Spacey?

Chile’s Santiago University is offering a course in UFOs, called Unexplainable Air Phenomena. As course director Ricardo Bermudez told Las Ultimas Noticias: “There is something happening out there, and we don’t know what it is.”

School officials are so excited about the course, we hear, that they’ve even offered to waive out-of-state tuition fees for Dennis Rodman.

My old Kentucky groan

Maybe Rick Majerus quit after just three days as USC basketball coach because he feared he might face Kentucky next year.

The Wildcats, after all, ousted Majerus’ Utah teams from the NCAA tournament three years running — in the round of 16 (1996), in the round of eight (’97) and in the title game (’98).

As he once told the New Orleans’ Times-Picayune: “When I die, they might as well bury me at the finish line at Churchill Downs so they can run over me again.”

The write stuff

• Patriots coach Bill Belichick, to Sports Illustrated, when asked what kind of dog chewed up his autographed copy of “PB: The Paul Brown Story”: “A dead dog.”

• Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on the mood of Dolphins fans during Sunday’s 10-7 victory over the equally woeful Cleveland Browns: “The night’s soundtrack was a sort of thin, halfhearted booing … like a field full of dairy cows … in some loosely organized complaint against stale hay.”

• From “Caught on the Fly” in The Sporting News, on Notre Dame lowering its football standards: “In fact, the library mural that is visible from inside Notre Dame Stadium officially has been downgraded to ‘Field Goal Jesus.’ ”

• Jerry Greene of the Orlando Sentinel, on Boudreaux’s Butt Paste re-upping as sponsor of a Busch Series circuit car: “With NASCAR’S help, we may see an end to diaper rash in our time.”

Two under par

Swedish golfer Mathias Gronberg’s most memorable strokes this year came from his Sharpie, AP reported, after Gronberg asked why the “O” in his name on his caddie’s bib didn’t have the requisite two dots above it.

“If you’re going to play in this country,” a Nissan Open official said, “… bring your own dots.”

And dot’s all, folks … for 2004. Happy New Year.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or