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Is it too early for 2015 Academy Award nominations?

If not, here’s two football coaches up for leading actor, from The Miami Herald’s Greg Cote: “(Miami’s) Al Golden and (South Carolina’s) Steve Spurrier, on the tail of disappointing 6-6 seasons, trying to convince everybody how excited they and their teams are to be preparing for the ‘Duck Commander Independence Bowl’ in a place most of us go to great lengths to avoid: Shreveport, La.”

Sports quiz

The Cleveland Cavaliers jumped out to a 21-0 lead Monday night against:

a) the Hornets en route to a 97-88 NBA win.

b) Johnny Manziel and the Browns in a pickup football game.

Pedal to the metal

A truck driver in England broke a world record by jumping a tractor-trailer 83 feet, 7 inches.

To no one’s surprise, the fuel tank tested positive for STP and PEDs.

Keeps on giving

This year’s gag gift destined to get re-gifted yet again next year will be:

a) Aunt Mabel’s fruitcake

b) That ugly Elvis tie

c) Percy Harvin

No ducking this

Among the top 10 thoughts that went through Oregon QB Marcus Mariota’s mind when he won the Heisman Trophy, from CBS’s David Letterman:

• “Can’t believe I beat Meryl Streep.

• “Don’t spike the trophy …

• “I’d like to play in the NFL; does New York have any professional teams?”

Q-and-Jay Dept.

Bears QB Jay Cutler answered just a trio of questions — with just one reporter present — in a poorly organized news conference after Monday night’s 31-15 pasting by the Saints.

But no big deal — Cutler has gotten quite used to three-and-outs.

Talking the talk

• Patriots wideout Julian Edelman, to The Boston Globe, after seeing Tom Brady’s lumbering 17-yard run, the QB’s longest in six years: “It’s always fun seeing the Clydesdale run … I call him Brady Vick.”

• TBS’s Conan O’Brien, on the death of Topps’ Sy Berger, 91, the father of baseball cards: “He will be laid to rest in a shoe box somewhere in an attic.”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on a surefire sign that a Russian sprinter was doping: “One of the records he broke was the sound barrier.”

• 76ers coach Brett Brown, to AP, on the talent gap between his 2-21 team and the 19-4 Grizzlies: “To think we’re going to beat them apples to apples, we’re not. They’ve got better apples.”

Hello, dollies

The Madame Alexander Doll Company plans to have a Danica Patrick edition, as well as other NASCAR-branded dolls, out in time for the 2015 holiday shopping season.

The NHRA, not to be outdone, will counter with Barbie and Ken in drag.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com