5 steps to make life changes that actually stick

As we move into March, have your New Year’s Resolutions faded into the recesses of your mind? Do you try to make a change with enthusiasm and intention, only to find that nothing gets better and you slip into old behaviors and mindsets? With all the stress and commitments crowding around you, do you find it impossible to make any kind of lasting change in your life?

You’re not alone. But there’s a reason for why you can’t get out of neutral. The way you’re going about things doesn’t work. Spending an evening listening to a motivational speaker, using an app to help you train for a 5K, binge-watching TED Talks. These are great motivators and tools but they are just Band-Aids.

Just committing to changing behavior or making a new habit, while important, is only the first step in the process. The good news is that you can make changes that stick and shift you into drive. Here’s how to stand out as a leader, both at work and at home.

Pinpoint your issues, define your goals.

“We’ve been sold a bill of goods,” says Chris Majer, founder of the Human Potential Project and creator of  The Drivers Seat, a men’s program of action and results. “Every single time you go see a motivational speaker, you get information that will supposedly make your life different, but no it won’t. It gets worse, because that one night and the message might trigger a desire to change, but that’s not the same thing as knowing how to change.  And when you fail to make change, you think there’s something wrong with yourself.” So first things first: You have to learn how the process of change actually works.

The real deal

Learning is the development of new competence, not the acquisition of new information. And no book, no one seminar, is going to lead to lasting change without a deeper structure for fulfillment. The mind can understand what you want to change, but it’s the body that learns and it only learns one way, through practice. This takes time, and ongoing support during the implementation phase. That’s where coaching comes in. Hiring a leadership, career, financial or relationship coach is a necessary tool on the path to change. For example, the DriversSeat – part of the Human Potential Project – is coming to the Seattle Center March 17–19, and the program includes six coaching sessions after the initial weekend to help men with lasting transformation.

Be willing to be a beginner.

In order for learning and new competence to occur, you have to set aside your ego and be willing to be a beginner. Of course, you’re not a novice in every area of your life. In fact, you might be an expert in one or several areas. But whatever it is you want to learn – be it how to be a better partner, manage your finances or start up your own company – you have to be willing to not know, let someone else teach and guide you, and be at peace with beginners mistakes for a while. If you’re going it alone, you’re probably reinforcing bad behavior or making excuses to yourself and after a bit of that most people quit.  Sound familiar?

Practice, practice, practice.

Change takes time. It’s not hard, if you know how to do it. It requires practice. It’s easy to wrap your mind around how this applies to sports, right? For instance, to be an enviable golfer, you must hit the links as much as possible, repeating a stroke over and over until your body learns and incorporates the proper form. Why would you think having a successful relationship or career would be any different? If you are single and want to be in a relationship, you have to go on dates. Even the worst date can be valuable – it can help you develop communication skills and define for yourself what makes a healthy relationship. Consider it practice, which can be hard but can yield powerful results.

Realize that you’re never done.

We all would like to believe that once we’ve gotten competent or achieved our goal, that we’re done. Nice try! The most successful people know that they are lifelong students, and that there’s no room for complacency. Curiosity is a strength – place yourself in situations that are uncomfortable, where you are a beginner – and continue to build your competencies and skill set. This is the way to lasting change, not to mention a pretty kickass life.

The Drivers Seat is a program designed for men who are no longer willing to let someone or something else direct their lives. It is for those who are ready to level up their game and make their mark in the world.