Mr. Wrap, in Roseanne Roseannadanna fashion, gets to the bottom of changing school start times.

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Leave it to soft-touch Seattle to take the dangerous national trend of coddling children to its illogical extreme.

By a 6-1 vote, the Seattle School Board decided Wednesday to push back opening bells for city high schools, most middle schools and some K-8 schools to 8:45 a.m., beginning next school year. That’s a radical concession to eggheads insisting that slothlike teens, due to their biological clocks, or some other pseudoscientific nonsense, will actually learn and perform better when they are at least partially awake.

To which we say: Horsefeathers!

In Mr. Wrap’s day, kids in the Snoqualmie Valley got rolling by milking cows at 5 a.m., chopping some firewood, eating a half box of wholesome Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch (Part of a Well-Balanced Breakfast) and were in class, ready to cheat on a social-studies test, by 7:30 a.m., sharp.

This state of semi-doped consciousness made us resilient, unfazed, and decidedly non-twitchy — too tired to cause much trouble, for the most part. One could argue, in fact, that a pre-dawn, bonk-on-the-head-wakeup call was key to producing the current class of conscientious, deep-thinking leaders who make America what it is today.

OK, never mind.

More snooze-alarm rollovers:

This Just In: Gov. non-elect Tim Eyman already has filed a new, creatively unconstitutional anti-tax measure. Of course he has. Dude needs a new roof.

Top Dawg Dollars: Ana Mari Cauce, the U-Dub’s new president, will make $910,000 a year under a new five-year contract — $100,000 of which she will magnanimously donate to student programs and scholarships. Any chance we can get a match on that $100K from her payroll peers, such as U-Dub football coaches? Maybe cash-flush Alaska Airlines? Delta? Anyone? Bueller?

This Week’s Contextual News Lament: If only we could get people to pay half the attention to the Seattle seawall that they gave to the Seattle gum wall.

Pledge Breaking: “Don’t you know,” an angry emailer asks about last week’s comments about KUOW’s swallowing of KPLU, including a catty reference to the former’s apparently ample cash reserves, “that you could be doing harm to KUOW’s future fundraising efforts?” OK. So what’s your point?

Just One Question About the Flailing Seahawks: Does all this mean that Pete Carroll is not a genius, after all?

Old School: Singer Adele is refusing to release her new album, “25,” on global streaming services. This is all fine with Mr. Wrap, who awaits the preferred 8-track tape edition. (Kids: Ask your grandparents.)

That Good, Good Rain: Anyone else remember that time in August when you wondered if it would ever rain hard in Seattle again? Yeah, we don’t either.

Important Scientific News: Individual sperm cells from mice are twice as long as those from elephants, scientists say. We have no idea what that means, but feel confident it will come up in the next installment of the Unending Presidential Debate series.

And Finally: It was nice of Amazon’s Jeff Bezos to help ensure that the massive Apollo 12 rocket booster engine he scooped up from the Atlantic will wind up on display at the Museum of Flight. If only he could unleash some of that same exploratory zeal on locating and deploying buses for all his people clogging South Lake Union.