Housing panel, their thinking now exposed, inspires a punch list of other sacred-cow Seattle anachronisms ready to be put out to pasture.
Two words about that Seattle housing committee’s proposal to toss out anachronistic, exclusionary single-family residential zoning: Good start.
It’s downright refreshing to see a panel of special-interest wonks do the thinking that average residents of Sea Francisco are incapable of, then channel their conclusions up the back channel into the office of Mayor Ed Murray, D-Tel Aviv.
Joining City Hall’s celebration of the pending elimination of cars and neighborhoods, Mr. Wrap now looks to the future and modestly proposes a punch list of other sacred-cow Seattle anachronisms long overdue for a good sword-putting:
Lakes: Like single-family homes, standing water is exclusionary and probably racist. Not everyone can live on a shoreline, right? Shorelines thus should go. Dare to dream about the small inland sea of Eastern Bloc apartments that could fill the space now wasted by that toxic-algae-spewing Lake Washington. (BTW: Have you seen the price tag for those floating bridges?)
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Parks: Do you want messy, unconstrained trees, shrubs, swings and monkey bars, or world-class-city status? That’s what we thought.
Children: Loud, smelly, and expensive to feed, monitor, transport and indoctrinate, rugrats are an unnecessary obstacle on the path toward a socialist worker’s utopia, complete with Prime Shipping. Nobody wants to harm them or anything. But pushing them out to the ’burbs is not only progress, it’s probably patriotic.
Old people: See above. Once useful as ready sources of pension cash to be mined by predatory landlords, oldsters (35-plus) have outlived their economic usefulness now that Amazombies will pay $3,000 a month to live in a Folger’s can on Queen Anne. Besides: Few graybeards are nimble enough to ride a $2,800 commuter bike, dodge a trolley or engage in even rudimentary search-engine-optimization. They’d be a lot happier in, say, Wenatchee.
We get that all this sounds ambitious. But this is Seattle’s big, urban moment. The apparatchik pieces are in place at City Hall. And momentum is a terrible thing to waste.
More social-engineering degree material:
Seriously, Folks: Glancing over the membership roster of that rump committee to kill single-family zoning says a lot about the “inclusionary” process of democracy in the Moated City: Lots of groups claiming to represent ordinary citizens. Few actual ordinary citizens.
BREAKING! Michael Bennett Mood Ring Update: Sources say the Seahawk now is feeling like he “very possibly might consider” holding out of training camp to protest his inhumane $8 million annual salary.
Frequent Fliers: The Army is moving its headquarters for Joint Base Lewis-McChord medical facilities to Hawaii. That’s a heckuva commute for somebody — even if you do have your own Air Force.
Important Weather Update: Thank you, clouds of Friday, for finally giving us a small modicum of leverage over contractors holding all the cards for air-conditioning installation.
And Finally: The U.S. Forest Service might have had the right idea some years ago when it considered just dynamiting the Big Four Ice Caves. You can argue that the caves, formed by ice cascading down Big Four Mountain, are a natural treasure that should be left alone. Or you can call it what it would be — avalanche control — and move on.