We’re well over a week past the final “toss-by” date for turkey and trimmings, but here in the Wrap Department, where the big red Solo Cup of Life’s Bounty is always viewed as at least half full, we pause now to give thanks.
Specifically, for a couple notable exceptions to the broad, unnatural phenomenon of undesirable Californians flowing from California to Washington. Once in a Super Blue Moon, we now see, a beneficial U-turn does occur.
Exhibit A: Former temporary resident and overpaid college football coach Steve “Chutzpah” Sarkisian, who last week sued his new employer, the University of Southern California, for $30 million for its inexplicable failure to get him prompt treatment for an alcohol disability that he reportedly swore he never had.
Exhibit B: Former Seahawks owner Kenneth “Elephant Hunter” Behring, who recently made headlines in the Bay Area for landing on a list of Notable Water Hogs. In a long-term drought, Capt. Ken recently consumed an average of 2,780 gallons per day in his sprawling hilltop home in the residential community of Blackhawk.
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To both we bid adieu, and gleeful good-riddance.
More cheery thoughts:
We Could Not Possibly Make This Up: Also on that Bay Area water-hog shame list: One Roy Jacuzzi of Orinda, inventor of the namesake whirlpool tub.
Paint Barn News: Noting that the first Boeing 737 MAX is nicknamed “The Spirit of Renton,” faithful reader Elliott S. asks on Twitter: “What, does it just fly in an S-shaped traffic jam?”
We’re Not Saying He’s a Fascist: But word is that Donald Trump’s proposed Secret Service code name is “Adolf.”
Speaking of Which: Mr. Wrap hereby proposes that the entire 2016 presidential nominating process be shut down while officials figure out “what the hell is going on.”
Speaking of Speaking: Question for Paul Ryan and other Republicans insisting Trump’s xenophobic, racist blather “is not what this party stands for:” Huh. Are you sure?
Gone Bowlin’: Making his annual winter-vacation plans, Mr. Wrap was dismayed to see that Imaginary Pirate Mike Leach’s WSU Cougars, did not, as some had predicted, get an invite to Santa Clara’s Foster Farms Fecal Soup Bowl, instead accepting a date with the Poulan Weedeater Tostitos State Farm Taco Johns Exxon Mobile Depends Chubby & Tubby Sun Bowl in the vacation paradise of El Paso, Texas, (slogan: “Bigger Pullman”).
Perhaps a Better Option: The 6-6 UW Huskies take on a private Southern high school in the Heart of Dallas and Other Oxymorons Bowl.
Craptastic Cable News: So nice of the cable TV pirates at Comcast to throw some additional crumbs Seattle’s way after city officials got word, in a sheer coincidence of timing, of a more public-friendly contract recently concluded in Philadelphia. Anyone else wondering what Seattle’s crack cable negotiating team routinely leaves on the table?
Triumphant Return Department: Seizing the lone remaining option available to make himself look even more like a narcissist with the ethics of a hyena, indicted state Auditor Troy Kelley last week responded to a legislative impeachment threat by returning to work.
And Finally: A note to (justifiably) irate 405 commuters: Ready for serious state tax reform yet? We’ll check back later.