Thoughts inspire actions, and these can help create some magic in ways you may have thought no longer possible.

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If you spend a little time every day thinking about what you want your relationship to be like, you can actually move it in that direction. Thoughts inspire actions, and the ones listed here can help you create some magic in ways you may have thought no longer possible.

1. Think of one thing you could do that would make your relationship better. And ask your partner to do the same. Then just do it.

2. Acknowledge small acts of kindness. It can be as simple as opening a door, giving your partner a little kiss or just helping with the dishes. When your love is there for you, let him or her know it. It is usually the little things that make a big difference.

3. When you get an idea, share it. Perhaps you want to do something totally unusual, or maybe there is an adventure you have always wanted to participate in with your mate. Doing new things helps increase your bond.

4. Don’t be afraid to deal with problems. Every couple has them, and the only shame is in not facing them as they come up. If you let issues fester, your whole relationship can get infected. Deal with your trouble now and you’ll save yourself a ton of grief down the line.

5. Be aware of your circumstances. If money has gotten tight and you have had to put some dreams on hold, talk about it. You both may be feeling some frustration, but discussing where you are in life can give you the perspective and security you need to let go of any negative feelings.

6. Take responsibility for your own happiness. No matter how hard another person tries, he or she cannot make you happy. That is an inside job, pure and simple. So the next time you want to blame someone for making you unhappy, look in the mirror.

7. If you have been taking any part of your relationship for granted, stop right now. Appreciation of one another is a cornerstone of any positive relationship. You both may revel in doing your own things, but always be a team when it comes to your union.

8. Letting go of past torments may be the greatest gift you can give to your relationship — and to yourself. Just think how much lighter life would be without all the excess baggage you carry because you were inadvertently offended.

9. Stop being a jerk. We all know when we are in a bad mood, but why do we have to inflict it on those we love? If you need to hide under the covers for a day, go ahead, but at least be nice about it and let your mate know what’s going on.

10. Realizing that you are with the right person is a powerful force. It will make kisses deeper, hugs more passionate, and you feel much better about life.

Trust that you are in this relationship for a reason and never stop looking for it. Couples who focus on each other simply get more from life together.

(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author, most recently, of “100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence — Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too.”Email him at