Coyote sightings have been at an all-time high in North Seattle this spring, according to a lively debate on the gossipy neighborhood news site Nextdoor. Sightings have them wandering all times of day through yards, near cats and staring down schoolchildren walking small dogs.
Nature-loving neighbors can’t agree on how to respond. Should they scare them off by chucking rocks at them, as advised by a wildlife expert? Or is that a bad idea because (gasp!) a rock might hit one of the lovely feral creatures, which have 42 teeth and a penchant for eating small mammals?
Others say, no, leave them alone, this city is now their wilderness. That would presumably include the local Safeway parking lot, Pagliacci Pizza and University Village.
My take is that these noble creatures were here first, so I shall adapt my city ways to theirs. (After all, I live near Interstate 5, because I so love nature!)
I fully intend to keep my chickens, dogs and cats, pet bunnies, hamsters and gerbils, and children and husband inside while the coyotes majestically pass by on their incredible journey. Yes, the area is full of heaping compost bins, but that’s all right. That will help the coyotes live off the land until they migrate to another habitat. What a delight, to have wild canids roaming our urban paradise!
If they like to eat bones from Maple Leaf Dumpsters and doggy-bag plates from Portage Bay Cafe, who am I to stop them? Why shouldn’t they enjoy a $14 apple cobbler French toast once in a while? It’s their right, and, after all, they are unable to take part in Happy Hour specials.
I say, let’s help them stay wild, Seattle!
Why force them to move on? They are only dangerous in rare situations, and what’s a ripped-up cat now and then when unvaccinated packs of wild canines are delighting us as they scavenge freeway underpasses, back alleys and the parks that my kids so enjoy?
And why would they leave, what with all the plump rats and wild bunnies? Have you seen all the bunnies?
I hope when the Roosevelt light-rail station opens there will still be room for these impressive animals, whom I will delightedly swerve for anytime I’m behind the wheel. Perhaps, for their safe passage, we should have a coyote tunnel beneath the busy streets. We must accommodate them!
They do get heckled. Crows have been calling them out, slinging loud insults at them and even scaring the poor dears. Silly birds! They seem to think coyotes don’t belong here — or could be perceived as a menace.
Yes, some animals did recently eat all my kale — those darn bunnies! — and my berries, and my two cats, but that’s just the cost of being an urban gardener and welcoming giant furry wildlife with pointy teeth, fangs, parvo and, yes, possibly, eventually rabies.
Some people insist the coyotes are dangerous, but I think they’ve seen far too many Warner Bros. cartoons. Yes, there have been many more attacks on people by coyotes in the past few years in California. But not one of those involved Acme TNT, for instance. See? We’ve been led to believe, by the usual fake corporate media, that coyotes belong only in the Southwest desert, chasing oversized purple birds, when in reality, they belong right where they are: perfectly content, hiding in the bushes while we stride by, toting our reusable Whole Foods shopping bags.
But remember: Don’t feed them. Speak to them sternly, like you would an old person wearing a MAGA hat blocking your path to the local tilth.
And don’t question for a minute the coyotes’ right to be here, say at the corner of Northeast 75th and 25th Avenue Northeast. They were at the Shell gas station first.