After angry outburst, "Some colleagues have advised me to seek counseling, but I don’t know if that’s really necessary."
Q: During a recent staff meeting, my co-worker’s condescending attitude made me so angry that I completely lost my temper. I flew into a blind rage and got right up in his face and screamed at him. His arrogance has driven me crazy for the past three years.
Although I know this was inappropriate, I don’t feel as sorry as people seem to think I should. I also have no desire to apologize for my outburst. Some colleagues have advised me to seek counseling, but I don’t know if that’s really necessary.
A: When a hostile reaction is completely out of proportion to the immediate cause, it usually means that long-simmering anger has finally reached a boiling point. If this unexpected rage was a one-time occurrence, perhaps a concerned mentor or friend can help determine why this guy triggers such strong emotions and how you can avoid future outbursts.
But if you are generally prone to explosions of temper, then professional anger management counseling is strongly recommended. Otherwise, your unfortunate tendency to attack may eventually wreak havoc on both your career and your personal life.
Q: One of my employees consistently disregards my instructions. We work in a retail store, and “Jesse” is a cashier. Jesse frequently violates company policy by texting and playing games on his phone when he doesn’t have customers. He also takes long breaks and wanders away from his register.
Because I don’t have authority to issue disciplinary warnings, I asked my boss to talk with Jesse. Jesse apparently said he ignores me because I talk down to him and treat him like a child. My manager now says that when Jesse is out of line, I should only correct him once. If he fails to respond, I’m supposed to call my boss and let him handle it.
Although I agreed to try this approach, I believe this disrespectful employee should simply be told to follow my directions and do his job like everyone else. What should I do about this situation?
A: The short answer is that you should honor your manager’s request, because any other response will only get you in trouble. And while I agree that backing you up would be better than taking over, this strategy may eventually work in your favor. The key is to follow your boss’s directions to the letter.
When Jesse fails to comply with an instruction, do not say another word. Just quietly call your manager and transfer the problem to him. Before long, one of two things is likely to happen: Jesse will clean up his act to avoid seeing your boss, or your manager will lose patience and begin corrective action. Either way, your problem is solved.
To improve your own supervisory skills, however, you should heed Jesse’s complaint that you “talk down to him and treat him like a child.” When addressing performance issues, managers can easily slip into a condescending, parental mode. But since lectures seldom work, a professional, businesslike approach is usually more effective.
Q: A guy in our office frequently vents his frustrations by shouting negative comments everyone can hear. “Ben” will yell that he hopes the company goes out of business or gets hit by a natural disaster. We are all tired of Ben’s outbursts, but asking him to calm down hasn’t helped. Our supervisor knows about his behavior, but she hasn’t taken any action. Should we inform upper management about this problem?
A: If Ben ever seems to pose a threat to people or property, someone in management should be notified immediately. But if his cranky comments are just random rants, then your supervisor is the person to contact. As a group, explain how disruptive his verbal explosions have become and request that she make them stop.
From then on, the rest of you should completely ignore Ben’s tirades. Don’t complain, criticize, or even look at him when he erupts. People who make dramatic emotional outbursts crave attention, so any response will only reinforce his behavior. On the other hand, if the tantrums stop producing a reaction, they may eventually disappear.
Submit questions to Marie G. McIntyre at yourofficecoach.com.