DEAR AMY: My fiancé’s parents and his adult brother like to visit us in “the big city” as often as possible. Their stays generally range from one to three days in length but it is the frequency of the visits that bothers me.
His brother is typically at our house one to two weekends a month. He uses our place as a crash pad after a night of drinking. This bothers me on a lot of different levels. During the day he leaves a trail of messes that I am left to pick up after, including empty beer cans, dirty dishes, etc.
On the opposite weeks, my fiance’s parents like to visit — from one to three times a month. They typically stay during the week, which is often disruptive to my heavy work schedule (and life in general) as we have to entertain them in the evenings.
Once again, I am responsible for laundering sheets and towels. I tried to make this the responsibility of my fiancé but he is perfectly OK with dirty linens.
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I work long hours, and I don’t want to be responsible for hosting guests all the time. This issue is driving a wedge between us. I feel bitter and angry. What can I do or say to limit the number of visits his family makes?
— Prisoner in my Own Home
DEAR PRISONER: You sound sweet, but this should be a deal-breaker for you. Your fiancé is obviously part of a family that does not care about the wants or needs of others. Their behavior is poor — at best — but his reaction to your reasonable concern is appalling.
I question your choice to marry someone who is so inconsiderate. If this is your home (as well as his), then you should have an equal say in who stays there, and how often. If he dismisses you, then you should speak directly with his family members.
At the very least, I suggest you go on strike over cleaning up after them. If the mess gets too frightening, stay elsewhere until your fiancé comes up with a workable solution.
DEAR AMY: Congratulations on your time off. After 10 years, it was about time. I have to say I really enjoyed your “best of” columns and frequently found myself laughing out loud. There were some real gems in there.
DEAR DON: I’m back, I’m rested, and I’m mining for more gems.
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