DEAR AMY: I am facing major heart surgery. As with any operation, there is risk, and I might die. My oldest sister and I don't get along...
DEAR AMY: I am facing major heart surgery. As with any operation, there is risk, and I might die.
My oldest sister and I don’t get along; I am not rich enough for her to care about. I have tried to make peace, to no avail. Now, because my time might be up, I have written what kind of funeral I want, and I don’t want her or her family to attend.
I know my funeral would not meet her expectations, as it will be a “green” funeral. I don’t want a fancy casket, just a wooden box. My main question is, how do I tell her not to come to my funeral? How can I keep her daughters and sons-in-law away from it, also?
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DEAR JOHN: If this operation has you pondering death, shouldn’t it also be the occasion to make choices about your life? I won’t insult you by urging you to reconcile with your sister, but I do urge you to forgive her.
If you definitely want to refuse entrance to some family members at your funeral, the best way is to note your wishes in writing and give a copy of this to the person you most trust to represent your wishes after your death.
Many people have “private” funerals, basically invitation-only events that are not announced in any public place, such as a newspaper. Those planning this should be aware of your wishes, and they should notify the director of the funeral home or “green” burial site of the guest restriction.
DEAR AMY: My neighbor’s kids play baseball in their backyard and hit many balls over the fence, then march right into my yard to retrieve them.
Now that they’re almost teenagers, they hit every other ball into my yard. I feel invaded and resent it. I want to go over and complain, but my wife says I’m being a grumpy old man. Should I confront the father and ask that his kids knock it off?
— Grumpy Old Man
DEAR GRUMPY: Go with the “Grumpy Old Man” thing. Tell the kids directly that you’re tired of seeing them in your yard all the time, and tell their father it’s time to either install a net or to reorient center field toward their house instead of yours. Be honest and say, “Frankly, this is starting to drive me crazy.” Playing whiffle ball would eliminate this problem.
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