Sorry Portland, oat milk and Captain America. You're being replaced in 2019. But "Game of Thrones" anticipation? That will remain.

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Give praise! 2018 is over, and it took only about 27 years.

Wildfires raged; kids marched for their lives; families were separated at the border. Mueller investigated; Omarosa told all; Tillerson got dumped on Twitter. Kavanaugh and Ford spoke; the Queen of Soul and the maverick of the Senate passed; dragon energy permeated the Oval Office.

Throughout it all, the Bad Men list grew longer, engagements got shorter and regularly scheduled events — the Olympics! The World Cup! Combative presidential news conferences! — plodded along.

Sure, we got distracted. We humans always do. Arie proposed. Ari accepted. Stormy sued. Stormi debuted. But even that stuff made time’s march slow and painful. “Black Panther,” Yanni or Laurel, the royal wedding? All of that happened in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Eighteen. Trust us, we checked the dates. We have rapidly aged.

And just when we’ve figured out how to stomach all this news, here comes 2020, hurtling toward us like a tornado of Iowa double-bacon corn dogs. So grab the antacid and enjoy 2019 while you can, babies. It’ll last only a year.

Captain America is out; Captain Marvel is in. (Courtesy of Marvel Studios)
Captain America is out; Captain Marvel is in. (Courtesy of Marvel Studios)


Captain America … Captain Marvel

Keep Portland Weird …Keep Crystal City Weird

Concerned Jeff Flake … Concerned Mitt Romney

Oat milk … Peanut milk

#DeleteFacebook (again) … #DeleteInstagram (finally)

Worrying about Bryce Harper leaving … Worrying about John Wall staying

Senate gangs … House squads

Matte lips … Glitter lips

‘Oumuamua … Bennu

GoldLink … YBN Cordae

Noah Centineo … Charles Melton

Cannabis candies … Cannabis candles

“True Detective” … “Detective Pikachu”

Redefining masculinity … Redefining motherhood

Super Bowl halftime show … Democratic primary debates

Lyft for scooters … Uber for planes

Meal prep … Disaster prep

Meghan Markle … Meghan Markle’s baby

White china … Granny china

Canceled … Deplatformed

Celery juice … Calamansi juice

Keto diet … Beto binge

Long Island City … Love Island, USA

Claire Foy … Olivia Colman

Putting faith in the Redskins … Putting faith in the Mystics

Edited baby genes … Bootcut jeans

Male comebacks … Congresswoman clapbacks

“We” … “Us”

Portugal … Ghana

’70s tailoring … ’90s grunge

Ruston Kelly … Dillon Carmichael

“Fire and Fury” … “Aunts and Angels”

Tumblrs … Rumblers

Countdown to the “Game of Thrones” finale … Countdown to the “Game of Thrones” prequel

Night mayor … Nightmares


The sun … A black hole

Trump International Hotel … Des Moines Marriott

Paganism … Peganism

Netflix comedy specials … Netflix reality shows

No comment from the special counsel’s office … No comment from the special counsel’s office

Canned tuna … Lab-grown tuna

TV reboots … Disney remakes

Plant protein … Pro-teens

Awkwafina … Michelle Buteau

Religion: none … Religion: all

Fights about condiments … Fights about emoluments

Stadium book tours … Stadium reunion tours

Monstera … Calathea

Tech billionaire bros … Silicon Valley women

Aperol spritzes … Wine-flavored water

Person close to Jared Kushner … Lawyer close to Jared Kushner

Weird Twitter … Normie TikTok

Rolling your face … Shaving off your face

Autocracy … Neo-autocracy

Captain America and Captain Marvel aren’t the only two battling for relevancy. Here’s what else is out and in for 2019.(Nicki DeMarco, Sarah Hashemi, Elahe Izadi, Erin Patrick O’Connor/The Washington Post)